


Divided

by Quixotic



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Action, Alien Abduction, Art, Canon Divergent After the Movie, Dreamwalking, Gem Fusion, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Torture, POV Multiple, Sneople, Steven Has a Bad Time, Unethical Experimentation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-17
Updated: 2020-02-04
Packaged: 2020-10-20 19:50:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 28
Words: 63,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20680970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quixotic/pseuds/Quixotic
Summary: In the wake of Spinel's attack against Earth, Steven finds himself struggling to cope with an uncertain future. The damage left behind by the Gem Empire's reign is not easily healed, and when an attack against the now vulnerable Diamond Authority leaves Steven broken, it's up to everyone else to pick up the pieces.





	1. Never After

**Author's Note:**

> I've planned out almost every chapter of this fic in advance, to make all my SU alien dreams come true. The characters I've listed are just the main ones - others will show their faces to lesser degrees. Still no Jasper, though. I'm sorry. Spinel is here but even she doesn't know why. Connie/Steven isn't really a focus, it's just sort of ambiently happening.
> 
> There won't be a ton of graphic violence, but there will be some. The first chapter is mostly setting the scene, but the rest will kick it up. This is like 2 ish months (EDIT: I changed the timeline a little for reasons) after the Movie, so it will contain spoilers. Every main character will probably have at least one POV chapter.
> 
>   
  


It’s hard to miss when the Famethyst is visiting, even if you haven’t been preparing all day in advance. There are almost two dozen of them, they are uniformly boisterous, and can be whipped into an excited fervor on a moment’s notice. Steven can practically hear them warping into Little Homeworld all the way from the beach house, the occasional hoot or holler tickling the edge of his hearing range.

Right now, he’s busy stuffing Lion’s mane full of practically all the potato chips the local grocer had available. When they’d met the first time, years ago, back in the Human Zoo, most of the quartz working there had never tried eating before. Of course, that hadn’t survived prolonged contact with _his_ Amethyst, and her enthusiasm was so infectious that you now couldn’t host them without stocking an entire banquette’s worth of snacks. 

He decides that this load will have to be enough because Lion is getting impatient, and he’s technically late at this point. 

“Thanks, buddy,” he says to Lion, patting the big cat’s shoulder before getting onto his back. “Guess we shouldn’t keep them all waiting.” 

One sonic warp later and they are in Little Homeworld. 

It’s been a couple months since the injector nearly demolished Beach City, and you can still catch whiffs of bio poison and dead sea life every once in a while. The worst of the damage has been repaired, and most of the free-range poison has been quarantined and disposed of, but Steven still gets a bit of a chill whenever he encounters that scent. 

It’s mere moments after he and Lion have arrived and he’s already wondering if he should go looking toxic puddles instead of partying like he’d been planning. Where is it coming from? Is the smell even real? Or is he imagining it?

He doesn’t get the chance to finish that thought, because company is already here.

“Steven!” Connie shouts, running through a crowd of socializing gems to meet him. “There you are!” She’s wearing one of those skirt and blouse combinations that just borders on business casual - dressed up just a bit for a social engagement. Of course, he already saw her like a half-hour ago, but he feels the need to take note of it a second time, with a slight flush to his cheeks. 

“Hey Connie!” he calls back, hopping off of his fluffy steed and immediately welcoming her with a hug. Another hug, because revelry is the mood of the night, and neither of them are going to question it. “Sorry - there was more to pack into Lion than I thought.”

Lion yawns loudly and starts to wander away. Steven has to let go of Connie to chase after him, pausing him with a hand on his rump. She giggles as he goes.

“Whoa, Lion - just a few more minutes and we’ll be done, I promise.”

Town center is in a state of chaos when the three of them arrive. It’s a blur of purple muscle and clouds of pale hair, and at the center of it is Amethyst - his Amethyst - and she is as much in her element as he’s ever seen her. It’s not every day she gets to hang with all of them on Earth. The concepts of vacations and days off were still new to Homeworld gems, but the planning has been well worth it.

The residents of Little Homeworld, mostly cured corrupted gems, are happy to join in and spend some time catching up with the other half of Gem civilization. Things have been changing, and fast. There’s always something new to hear about.

Right now, various Homeworld quartz are sharing stories about the progress of Pink Diamond’s defunct human zoo and its residents. Even after their technical assignment to the zoo had ended (and Holly Blue Agate had been reassigned), many of them had decided to stick around and help the humans transition, having gained a fondness for the colony after millennia of working there. The project has been ongoing. 

“They’ve been getting really into making food - baking you called it, right?” 8XJ laughs, with the pride of true caretaker. “Once they figured out that could mix different foods together, the whole colony’s gone nuts for it.”

“Well, yeah,” Amethyst says. “So, when are you gunna bring them here? You know - get out of the zoo, for real.” Steven smiles sympathetically, watching her. He knows she’s been a bit impatient about getting to see the whole gang more often.

“Uh, well… I don’t really know how it works, but the Iolite told us they need more time to adapt. As much fun as they’ve been having with all of their lessons… there’s all this ‘biological’ and ‘sociological’ stuff we have to worry about. Organics, right?” 8XJ gives Amethyst a playful nudge. 

Steven hadn’t fully understood it at the time, but apparently there are a ton of factors involved in moving humans that have been so completely sheltered into a new environment. Even beyond trying to vaccinate and prepare them for every disease under the sun, none of them had started off knowing a single thing about looking after themselves or each other.

Even then, he’s pretty sure there are some of them that will never want to leave at all. The best they can do is teach them about the outside world and make sure they are ready for the choice.

Bismuth is getting the bonfire going at this point, Peridot and Lapis are chattering nearby, and Pearl is happily leaning on Garnet’s shoulder as they talk with the Off Colours. Everything seems peaceful, and for a moment, everything seems right.

So, why does it make him feel so anxious? 

Steven finds himself staring into the middle distance, the flames casting dancing shadows on the angular buildings around them. It’s not the first time they’ve been at rest since Spinel’s attack, but lately he's found himself constantly thinking about how temporary everything is. That was the big lesson, wasn't it? To let go of his hopes for any kind of permanent peace? He feels depressing just thinking about it.

He closes his eyes, focusing on getting into the mood. He can’t let himself waste this. Soon after the fire’s started, he rolls out a big pink bubble full of snacks and pops it. 

“Who wants Chaaaaps?” he shouts. He’s learned that, with the Famethyst and nephrite around, there is no point in arranging things neatly - these bags are going to be torn to shreds in minutes, anyway. A lot of people, as it turns out, want Chaaaaps, and he finds himself ducking and rolling out of the way before succumbing to a purple avalanche. 

Yeah, he’s definitely leaving the rest of the treats in Lion’s mane until later in the night. 

A few hours later, and things have started to calm down. Music plays in the background, and he sits around the low burning fire with several other gems. The conversations are quieter, and with the crowd splintering off into social clusters, the subjects have become more intimate. 

One of the zoo jaspers is sharing a story told by the quartz guard that had come to watch over the colony in their absence. 

“She said that the outposts in the outer sector have been being attacked, and whenever backup arrives, there’s _nothing to be found,_” she explains, with the weight of something told from several layers of hearsay.

“Oooh, spooky,” Amethyst says, waggling her fingers. The jasper leans back, crossing her arms.

“It’s real, though. They said Yellow Diamond herself was looking into it.”

Several gazes shift not-so-subtly in Steven’s direction. His back goes straight, and he lifts his hands into an almost defensive shrug.

“I dunno!” he says. “If she is, she never told me.” Not that Yellow ever tells him about that kind of stuff unprompted. He’s been involved with the dismantling of most military proceedings, but that was more about just watching and seeing that it’s happening than really grokking the full depth of her strategies. None of the Diamonds expect him to know anything to the point that it is occasionally infuriating. 

“Hardly anybody’s out there anymore, anyway,” another jasper says, shrugging a shoulder. “No more conquest means no more bases. It’s all collecting dust, so who cares?”

The topic gradually shifts after that, but the thought lingers in Steven’s mind. After several minutes of half-listening to the conversation, he politely excuses himself by claiming he needs to go to the bathroom. Despite digestion still being a somewhat mythic process to most of the gems, nobody questions him.

It’s not until he’s stepping onto the warp pad that he feels a familiar hand reach out and grab his, stopping him. It’s Amethyst.

“C’mon, dude,” she says. “I saw that look.”

“I do actually have to pee,” he says, caught off guard.

Amethyst sighs, rolling her eyes. “Yeah, but, after that.”

His shoulders go limp as he surrenders. She’s almost gotten too good at noticing when he’s in a bad mood - it’d be annoying if he wasn’t so touched by the sentiment.

“I’m just going to ask her if things are okay,” he says. “_After_ I pee.” Amethyst still seems skeptical. “Look, she’s probably just going to send me to voicemail, anyway. It’ll just… get it out of the way.”

Amethyst sighs and lets go of his hand. 

“Fiiine, but you better be back here in fifteen minutes or I’m gunna come get you.”

“I’ll make it ten,” he says, and shoots her a finger gun. She relaxes, firing one back. They clasp hands and bump elbows. Soon enough, he’s appearing back in the quiet interior of the warp chamber. Alone.

He stares at the communication pad nearby, considering what he should say. Suddenly, it feels like going to the bathroom is really the thing that should wait. 

It’s been a little awkward since he left Homeworld. It’s not like they are fighting or anything, but the Diamonds had really wanted him to stay, and their level of passive aggression over the subject has been gradually ranking up. Having Spinel with them has made them less desperate and lonely, but there is still an empty throne waiting for him, and they won’t let him forget it.

He sighs, tapping a few buttons and pressing his palm against the display. Soon enough, yellow geometric shapes are unfolding across the screen, along with the words ‘Please Wait.’

He was serious about not expecting Yellow to pick up immediately. Sure, it’ll be coming from his direct line, but she is an immensely busy person, as always. So, of course, he’s startled when the call goes through with only a few seconds of pause and he’s suddenly staring down Yellow Diamond. Not an answering machine, not her pearl. The genuine article.

Her face is pretty close to the camera, too, and the overall effect causes Steven to yelp despite himself. 

“Steven,” she says, words smooth and precise. “What a pleasure to hear from you.”

“Yellow!” he says. “Hi there. Um.” What had he been meaning to ask about, again?

“Is there something I can help you with, or did you just want to… chat?” She’s obviously multitasking in the background, tapping away at an out of sight display. She sounds mildly annoyed, but that could also just be her normal voice.

“Well… I was talking to some of the Fameth- the amethysts and jaspers, from the human colony. And they were saying that the outposts were being… attacked?” Man, he really should have done more research before calling. “So, I was wondering… is that something we should be worried about?”

“My, my, my,” Yellow says with the slightest curve in her lips. “I hadn’t thought you’d take an interest in the tactical.” He shrugs helplessly. “But, no. Though, it would certainly be easier to attend to if we still had the full force of Homeworld’s armies patrolling our borders.”

What amounts to the Gem Empire’s ‘borders’ is uncertain, at the moment. With the armies disbanded and colonies liberated, and all so quickly, the shape of their civilization has been in constant, confusing flux. 

“I mean, sure, but… do you know who’s doing it?”

“That’s what I’m intending to find out,” she says. “However, this is hardly any of your concern. Matters of the Empire’s security fall well outside of your jurisdiction, especially when your focus is on that colony of yours.”

“Huhhh boy, here we go,” Steven mutters, putting his fingers to his temple. Yellow glances back at the screen.

“What was that?”

“Yellow… I want to help you. But I want to do it from my home. Can’t I do that?” His shoulders sink, his expression becoming pleading. “Me living away from Homeworld doesn’t have to mean that I’m not part of the-” The Authority? “-the team!”

She stares at him for a long few moments, before glancing away with a resigned sigh. “Oh, you were always one for sentimentality, weren’t you?” He crosses his arms, giving her a look. “-But it is simply a matter of practicality. With your relative lack of resources and experience, there is not much I can imagine you doing at this juncture.”

He grimaces, not sure how to argue, or even what he wants out of this. He lifts his hands in surrender.

“Okay, I get it. Just… let me know if anything changes.”

“Of course,” she says, in a tone that suggests the real answer is ‘I probably won’t.’ “The moment your specific talents are required, I’ll be sure to inform you.”

One last sigh for the road. “Right.” Then, more softly: “Goodnight, Yellow.”

She actually faces the screen, hesitating for only a moment. “Goodnight, Steven.”

The diamond-shaped screen closes and disappears, leaving Steven with a great feeling of weariness. Also, a great feeling of having to use the toilet. Oh right, he hadn’t done that yet. He checks his phone. It’s been about six minutes since he left the party.

“Welp,” he says to himself. “Guess I better hurry.”


	2. Can't Stay Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The tension gets less subtle.

It’s past 3AM by the time either of them are settled down and ready to sleep, with Steven upstairs in his room, and Connie set up on the couch down below. As two of the three people at the party that actually have to sleep at all, they also end up being the first to leave. Upon warping back to the house, they’d lingered upstairs only briefly.

“Did you have fun?” Steven had asked her, their hands intertwining. 

“Yeah,” she had said, feeling stupid with with celebration afterglow. “Did you?” He smiled, and despite everything, she sensed the slightest note of unease. 

“Yeah,” he said. They’d smiled at each other silently for what felt like a bit too long. Then, Steven shifted. “Is there anything you need for downstairs? Or are you all set?”

“All set!” she said, relieved and disappointed all at once. “You know me.”

“Yeah,” he said again, letting that hang for a few moments, and then blinking as if he’d just woken up from a daydream. “I do.” He’d led her towards the stairs, they’d hugged one last time, and then she was on her way. “G’night, Connie.”

“G’night…”

She changes into her pajamas in the bathroom, wondering what the heck that conversation had even been. When she comes back into the living room, she can see his light is still on at the top of the stairs. Oh, she thinks.

She lays down on the couch, listening to every shift and creek in the house. Seconds, and then minutes pass by. Finally, his light switches off. She exhales slowly, tension leaking from her shoulders. Alright. Okay.

She cuddles herself beneath the blankets, and closes her eyes defiantly. 

She wakes up an hour later, mostly because Lion is walking on top of her. She squirms with smothered sounds of complaint, trying to keep him from stepping right on her with one of his massive paws.

“Lion, no,” she groans. He rumbles, softly butting his head against hers before dismounting the couch. Apparently, he’s content with her being awake. Connie yawns, sitting up slowly and rubbing her eyes - maybe he is just being annoying for cat reasons, but instincts tell her she should at least take a look and see what he’s trying to communicate. 

Her curiosity is rewarded with a big whiff of rotten smelling air. Even in the darkness, there is a haziness to the space around her - is it fog? Smoke?

“Lion!” she gasps, standing, and then immediately thinking better of it and hunkering down against the floor. Smoke rises, she reminds herself. “Lion, what’s going on? Is there a fire?” She can’t see any light or feel any heat. Where is it coming from? 

Lion is growling, and she can just barely make out him moving towards the stairs. He lunges - there’s the sound of a scuffle. A sonic roar tears through the silence, pink light flashing in her eyes and wood shattering beneath its power. Somewhere else, she thinks she hears a cry.

She doesn’t waste a moment more. Scrambling to the end of the couch, she slides her sword out of her bag - she doesn’t go anywhere near Beach City without it, these days. Bundling the fabric of her nightgown over her mouth with one hand, she moves towards the sound, just in time for Lion to seemingly get knocked back and almost bowl her over.

Something dark and gleaming moves in the shadows. Dim light streaming through the windows shows her an outline: a serpentine tail, with extrusions up top that could be either limbs or hair. She brandishes her sword, coughing as the smoke seems to catch in her lungs. A low hiss answers her.

Several obvious seeming ideas flash through her mind. Is it a corrupted gem that they missed somehow? Another gem creature that had been left on the planet? A shard fusion? Where did this awful smelling smoke come from?

Smoke rises, she reminds herself again, as she shifts into a lower stance. Then, a dire thought occurs to her, as she glances towards the stairs - smoke rises. Upstairs. 

“Steven!” she shouts, and moves for the stairs. That long, muscled tail comes sweeping across the floor for her as she moves - only to be stopped as Lion lunges in again, pinning it to the ground. 

“Connie!” It’s Steven, but his call comes out more like a gasp. She leaps over the tail, and hits the stairs, running to the top while Lion keeps the creature at bay. As it turns out, the ‘smoke’ is actually much worse up here. The more she sees, the less it behaves like smoke at all.

As she crosses the threshold into Steven’s room, the moonlight shining in through the balcony windows brings out the green hue in the fog more fully. Through the haze, she sees Steven wrestling with some kind of huge serpentine beast, obfuscated with… yellow light? By now, she is starting to feel light headed, and the image of it blurs in her eyes. Trying not to breathe, she kicks open the sliding door with a foot, allowing unidentified gas so start flooding outside.

It’s only as it begins to clear that she can see the details of what’s happening. A hefty serpent tail is wrapped around Steven’s waist and legs as he grapples with the creature, pained noises slipping out between his teeth. Yellow lines cut across his skin, like cracks in a stone, and his strength seems to be failing in him despite all the power she knows he has. Is that… a disrupter? 

A spider legged device with a yellow orb build into middle is clinging to his back, and the problem becomes immediately clear. She brandishes her sword.

“Hold on, Steven! I got you!” Launching herself from one of the beast’s lower coils, she spring into the air and smashes the destabilizer device clean off of him. The yellow lines covering his body begin to recede, and a surge of renewed strength goes through him as he pushes back against the binds holding him. 

With a grunt of effort, Steven projects a barrier around himself, forcing the coils to loosen. Him and his bubble bounce off the bed and back towards the sliding door, allowing him to finally emerge with a gasp.

“Connie,” he pants, still looking wiped despite the destabilizer no longer being on him. “Are you okay?” The serpent hisses and lunges towards them, the moonlight revealing a two sets of arms and a vaguely humanoid frame at the top of its body. Is that... a naga?

“I just woke up! What happened to you?” she asks, just in time for it to swing a clawed hand in their direction. There’s a _shing_ of friction as it collides with Steven’s shield, though he stumbles down onto one knee a moment later.

“I think it bit me…?” he says, sounding confused. Connie takes a swipe at it with her sword but it slithers out of the way, surprisingly agile for its size. She really just wants it away from Steven. She tries to get a better look at him, and sees that his pajama shirt is torn - puncture holes?

“You’re… You’re gunna be okay,” she says, her heart pounding with a sudden uptick of stress. She swings at the snake again, holding it off. Steven is obviously fading, though some combination of willpower and gempower is keeping him going. “Fuse with me!”

He seems unsure, but when she reaches out for him, he can’t deny her. They lock hands, pulling themselves together. 

Light floods the room, exposing the creature for what it is - a massive snake bodied humanoid with multiple sets of arms and several smaller serpents growing from it like a mane. Stevonnie reveals themself, sword and shield in hand, wearing a strange arrangement of their combined bedclothes. 

As their physical form shifts, so does their mental state. Steven’s pain and fear balances against Connie’s protective worry, flowing together until they can no longer be told apart. Stevonnie realizes that they are hurting, that their components are in danger. They don’t have the time to appreciate being themself, or to appreciate the comfort of not being alone. There’s something wrong.

“Whoa,” they say, feeling the true umph behind whatever was poisoning Steven. Their vision blurs. “It’s okay. I can do this…”

The snake snaps forward. Stevonnie blocks, and then swings, their sword bouncing off of its claws. Whatever it is must be tough, they think. Connie’s sword cut through a car a few months ago. There’s at least one other monster like this in the house. Lion was fighting it, but where is it now…?

They have to do this fast.

Stevonnie flutter kicks into the air, bouncing off the ceiling and shooting down towards the core of the beast. The shield blocks the defensive blow, and the sword strikes true, finding a gap between defensive scales. What they aren’t expecting is the blood.

One of the creature’s arms comes right off, severed beneath their blade. Blood splatters, and the limb is sent rolling, leaving nothing but a leaking stump.

Bile rises in Stevonnie’s throat. But - what? It was a gem creature, wasn’t it? Why isn’t it poofing? Why isn’t it a robot? Why-

One of its fists pounds into Stevonnie’s gut, right above their gem. They smack into the wall and hit the floor, dazzled with pain and a gruesome realization. This thing is organic. It’s like them. 

Suddenly, they are being grabbed by the hair. It bears their entire weight as they are drawn upwards, their feet dangling above the ground. They try to raise their sword, but their arm feels heavy and numb - as their do, their fingers weaken, and the blade falls out of their grip. They raise their shield, but it’s too late.

Another one of those spidery disruptor devices is shoved into their chest, and pain tears through their body, wrenching apart their halves. Stevonnie splits into two, and Connie and Steven hit the ground.

Everything feels much worse, now. While Stevonnie felt numb, Connie feels like she can barely move at all. It’s all she can do to lift her head enough to see the serpent bearing down on Steven. 

He tries to bubble the two of them, but three of the creature’s arms wrench into it, popping its surface almost as soon as its raised. Then, before he can defend himself, that horrible disruptor is latched around the edge of his gem, the power of its jolt knocking him insensate with a final cry of pain.

“S-Steven,” Connie pleads, slapping at the hilt of her sword. Her fingers feel dead, like useless clumps at the end of her arms. The serpent barely pays her any mind as it scoops Steven’s shaking form into its arms, disappearing with him through the balcony door and onto the roof. 

Tears flood into her eyes as she tries to think of what she can do. Something. Anything. Her phone? It’s downstairs. The other gems?

“Help!” she cries, though her voice comes out frailly. “Help, please…! It took… it took Steven...”

Seconds pass into minutes. Her vision fades. Finally, she hears something moving outside, and for a moment she wonders if another one of those snakes has come to finish her off. The truth is much brighter.

“What happened in _here_?” Peridot wails before noticing her, lying on the ground. Steven’s bed is a mess of torn sheets and alien blood, and Connie’s sword shares some of the gore. A severed reptilian arm lays there, twitching. “Oh my stars, that’s disgusting!”

“Connie?” Lapis asks, poking her head in through the balcony door. “What happened?”

“St...Steven…” is all she can say, even her tongue and jaw feeling broken now. “They… Took…”

Lapis’s eyes widen, seemingly cluing into the situation far faster than Peridot, who is still balking at the sight of everything. She flies in, scooping Connie up into her arms and ferrying her back out into the night air.

“Show me where,” Lapis insists, as gently as she can seem to manage even as the muscles in her arms tense around Connie’s body. Connie can just barely lift a hand, bit she manages to wobble her fingers upwards, towards the roof. It’s only then that a massive form behind it begins to shift against the rocks, only becoming visible with movement. Instead of metal, it looks like living flesh, covered with scales and horned furrows. A spacecraft.

They are both stunned, but Lapis reacts faster. She brings Connie back down to the balcony, with no time to spare.

“Peridot, get Connie help,” Lapis says, and doesn’t wait a moment more. She takes to the air, while Peridot scrambles after her.

“What are _you_ going to do?” 

The giant form - some kind of vehicle - is pulling away from the rocks on a set of sharp legs, one of which goes crashing through the dome covering the warp. In the distance, Connie can barely make out Lapis reaching towards the ocean, summoning a giant hand of water.

“Oh, no you don’t!” she says, smacking the palm of it down on the scaly craft. Connie gets the feeling she could hit it a lot harder, but that’s the problem.

Steven is in there.

The giant craft strains against Lapis’s pressure, but before she can begin to move it, a glowing liquid material shoots at her out of nowhere. She blocks with her wings, forming an orb of defensive water, but it’s enough to cause the ocean-formed hand to fall apart, dousing the beach house in the process.

“Yeep!” Peridot blurts, trying to drag Connie out of the way of that and falling rocky debris, knocked loose from the temple statue. 

A second alien craft has revealed itself, similar in structure to the first one but notably smaller. It buzzes into the air, beginning to glow as its engines kick into gear, some kind of artillery still radiating with use. The larger craft is soon to follow, preparing to launch before Lapis can get together another attack.

“Hey!” Peridot gasps, reaching out towards the smaller craft. Her face creases with exertion. “Get… back… here!” Nothing changes. Peridot looks shocked. “What do _mean_ there’s no metal?!”

The smaller craft launches, disappearing into the atmosphere. The slower one follows, steadily reaching towards the clouds, its pace increasing every second. Lapis reappears, taking after it on wing with a growl of frustration.

“No!” she demands, shooting towards the sky and soon vanishing from sight along with it.

“Lapis!” Peridot cries out. The only thing that can draw her away from the sight is Connie hacking out a wet sounding cough, finally losing any remaining hold on consciousness. As she fades out, all she can think about is Steven.

She lost him. Again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the comment thus far! They get me hype to write, and I appreciate you taking the time to do so. Next chapter will hopefully be coming soon, and is from Peridot's perspective.


	3. Making An Effort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Worrying is hard.

It’s been two hours since Lapis and Steven disappeared into space, and Peridot has deflated fully across her office chair. Off to the side, her computational devices are still running analysis, not that it feels like it will make any difference at the moment.

Both Connie and Lion were badly wounded in the attack, and Pearl and Greg has taken them to the healing fountain for treatment. Garnet and Bismuth have been talking to the confused gems scattered outside, alarmed by the sight of an alien craft that they’ve never seen before. If Garnet knows what’s about to happen, she isn’t saying. What good is Future Vision if it can’t even predict something like this?

The timer goes off on her analyzer, filling the room of her lab with annoying little beeps. Peridot makes a tortured sound.

“Yo, Peri,” says Amethyst, the only other one with her at the moment. “Can you dial it back a bit? Your thingy’s dinging.”

“What’s the point?” Peridot demands. She slaps open the microwave and glowers at her green bubble of toxic gas, collected at the scene. “I can’t make sense of any of this!” She gestures at the screens helplessly. “I can tell that it’s organic, and that it smells bad, but my technology is completely incompatible!” She squints at the data, infuriated.

“What about the spider thing? You looked at that, right?” Amethyst’s observation is no surprise, considering that the broken destabilizer is currently disassembled on the table. Peridot bats her hand at it. 

“That was just a standard Yellow Diamond issued destabilizer core, hooked into some kind of organic carrier. The deployment method is irrelevant - all the core needs to do is touch the subject and their form will break apart.” Unless it was Steven, of course. Connie hasn’t been able to give them many answers yet, but it can be assumed that it was involved in Steven’s capture. 

Years ago, she had personally attacked Steven with one, and her efforts had proved fruitless. He had run through all of her security barriers while fully retaining his form, which had been a complete nightmare for her at the time, thank you very much.

Yet, even while resisting, it had seemed to shake him. Maybe that was enough.

“So?” Amethyst prompts, growing increasingly impatient. “How did they get one of those?”

“I don’t know! With the Diamonds scaling back military operations, they could have found it anywhere…”

“Like, say… mostly abandoned bases out in the middle of nowhere?” It’s there were Peridot has to pause. “It’s that same thing the colony quartz were talking about!” Amethyst crosses her arms around herself, leaning back angrily. “He was worried about this last night, and we didn’t do anything…!”

Now Peridot is confused. Amethyst has been giving off tense energy ever since she invited herself into the lab, but it sounds like there is a layer to her discontent that Peridot had not previously noticed. Does she feel… guilty?

“Amethyst…” Peridot says, cautiously. “Any remorse you may feel is surely irrational. You can’t possibly have known.”

“I just wanted him to have a good time, y’know?” Amethyst says, flopping onto her side. She’s laying on the out of place looking lab-couch that Peridot had moved in to house her various gawking compatriots while she worked. “I keep trying to be there for him, but every time something serious happens I can’t do anything.”

Peridot face falls, knowing that she needs to do something about this without having any clue what. So, she defaults to the one thing she’s very good at: complaining.

“You think _you’re_ useless? Look at me!” she says. “Lapis chased a UFO into space, and I have _no_ way of knowing where either of them went. No trackers, no drones, no nothing! What if something already happened to her? What if this time she doesn’t come back?”

Her voice has become shrill at the end, her panic boiling over. Sure, she’s mostly concerned that the gun-wielding fighter craft could have shot her down somewhere far away and alone, but there’s still lingering anxiety that Lapis may just leave her. Peridot sighs, slumping miserably against her chair.

“...Maybe you aren’t the only one being irrational,” Peridot admits, carefully. 

“Yeah, well…” Amethyst says, increasingly withdrawn. “What about Steven? He’s the one that got kidnapped.” Peridot glances away, not quite ready to confront the fact that she’s been trying very hard not to think about those details.

“Steven is an expert at getting kidnapped,” she says. “Having been personally responsible for kidnapping him at least two times, I can say that I have complete faith in his ability to make the best of it.” She shrinks down, feeling increasingly guilty. “I really, really don’t want to be wrong.”

Worrying about Lapis is different. She’s spent so much time worrying about Lapis, it feels like second nature. Steven, though? He’s always just been… Steven. Every time something has happened, he’s found a way around it somehow. He beat Jasper, he tamed the Cluster, he escaped Homeworld prison, and he convinced the Diamonds they were wrong. Everything that seemed impossible, he’s accomplished.

If he really was lost, if they never found him whole - what would that even mean? What would she _do?_ She doesn’t want to think about it.

“Steven is one of the best humanoids I’ve ever met, and it will take a lot more than this to make me give up,” Peridot finally declares, sitting up again. How could she let herself be defeated so easily? Amethyst watches her, raising an eyebrow. Peridot spins around in her chair, pointing at her. “And you are, too! Come on, let’s find something to do!”

“Why don’t you scan that thing?” Amethyst says, pointing up at the large green bubble containing a severed reptilian arm. Peridot recoils. It still twitches sometimes.

“That won’t even fit in my analyzer!” Peridot yelps, pointing at the comparatively small microwave box. A smirk is forming on Amethyst’s face.

“So, cut part of it off?” she says.

“Ew, no!” Peridot shrieks, before the immediate disgust passes and her expression becomes more intense. “...You do it!”

She never finds out whether or not Amethyst is willing to take her up on the offer, because only moments after that her monitor lights up with a very urgent notification - an incoming transmission, from deep in space. Peridot jolts up straight in her chair. 

It’s Lapis.

“Hello?” she asks, looking hurried. Behind her is a backdrop of old Gem architecture, her wings still at the ready. “Peridot, can you hear me?”

“Lapis!” Peridot squeaks. Behind her, Amethyst sits up straight, her eyes going wide.

“Huh… this is familiar,” she mumbles. 

“Peridot, I don’t have long to talk. I’ve been chasing the spaceship that took Steven, but they’re still moving. There isn’t enough water out here for me to stop them!” Lapis leans closer to the camera. “I found a communication hub at this outpost, but I have to keep going before I lose them. I’m sending coordinates to Earth now.”

She visibly presses buttons on her side of the screen, and after a short delay, data begins uploading on Peridot’s side. It’s a good thing she had designed her station to pick up on all incoming frequencies. 

“What should we do?” Peridot asks, overwhelmed. They can just keep waiting here while Lapis flies into danger, can they?

“I… don’t know. But I have to keep tracking them. I’ll send you more coordinates as soon as I can. Maybe… you can figure out a trajectory or something!”

Lapis is already eyeing the sky. Amethyst has come up behind Peridot, watching intensely.

“I have to go!” Lapis says, preparing to take off. “I’ll contact you as soon as I can.” The video feed deactivates in the same moment she takes to the air. Peridot leans back in her chair, practically winded from the experience. This night is not turning out like anyone expected. 

Amethyst smacks a fist into her palm, her expression stormy.

“If she’s got coordinates, what we need is a _ride_.”


	4. Reflection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Assessing the damage.

Sometimes, in the presence of Rose’s fountain, Pearl wonders how they ever made it this far without the truth being known. How many times she’d held her tongue, how many times she’s noticed leftover clues when no one else could. Sometimes she had been terrified of the truth. Others, she had wanted nothing more than to be caught in the lie.

The Rose Fountain has become more of a Diamond Pool at this point. Ever since the corrupted gems were cured by its essence, it has remained here as a testament to the power of the Diamond’s cooperation. Though every gem cured by it reduced its potency, there was more than enough to go around, for the time being. Every time one of the few remaining corrupted gems was found, they could be caught and brought here for healing. 

Sometimes, she wondered how the others couldn’t have known. Diamonds had always been the only ones with power on that level, and from that perspective, Rose Quartz must have seemed like a miracle. The power to heal, in the face of the Diamonds, who would only destroy. Rose, her Rose, had always been both of those things.

She healed and she destroyed. The impossible balance of those halves has only become more clear in recent months. When Steven had told her the truth of Spinel, she hadn’t known what to think. Was it possible that, in a different world, she could have been left behind, too?

She _has_ been left behind, Pearl reminds herself. Steven is the one that was still there for here, all these painful years. And now… he could be gone, too. Pearl clenches her fists. He can’t be. She won’t let him be. 

“Connie,” she says, her voice soft yet urgent. It’s been over an hour. What is taking so long? What in the universe is there that can’t be healed by the force of all four Diamonds? “Can you hear me? Please…”

Connie is floating in the shallows of the pool, with her head resting against Greg’s chest. He’d gotten into the pool with her, not knowing how else to let her soak without accidentally drowning her. 

“This old bod’ could use a tune-up, anyway,” Greg had joked, trying to ease Pearl’s barely restrained panic. She’s had time to calm, but in turn, her thoughts have become predominantly melancholy. There is the possibility of loss here that neither of them could bear.

Lion has been basking in the water of his own accord, his semi-undead state making it far easier to cope with poison. He’s perked up a little, but not much. He seems irritable. He maintains a distance from all three of them, and rumbles when they get close.

“They just need more time,” Greg says, his voice level but fragile in its balance. Him and Pearl both know that time is not at a premium. They need to know what they are facing, and Connie is the only witness. And if she never recovers at all…

Pearl hiccups out a sob, unable to hold it in any longer. Steven is gone, Connie could be dying… what is she supposed to do? 

“Hey, Pearl…” Greg says softly, reaching up with his free hand to rest it on her knee, as she kneels next to the water. “We’ve done this before, right? We can do it again.”

“That was different,” Pearl says, miserably. “I _knew_ the Diamonds, and I knew what Steven was. I had thought… I knew what to expect.” They had done everything they could, trying to get to Homeworld to save him. In the end, he’d beaten them to it. Could she possibly expect him to be so fortunate a second time? “I don’t even know where he is.”

“...Pearl…?” comes a groggy voice. Both Pearl and Greg jolt in surprise. It’s Connie! She’s speaking. Her eyes flutter, trying to find consciousness. “Where’s Steven…?”

“Oh, Connie!” Pearl cries, falling into the pool as she wraps her arms around Connie and Greg together. 

“Welcome back, kiddo,” Greg murmurs. 

“Mr Universe…?” Connie mumbles, realizing who she’s leaning up against. She looks around, soaking in her surroundings. Pearl can feel her trying to move, but the movements are shaking and weak. “St-Steven!” she gasps.

“Please, Connie, you’re hurt,” Pearl says, loosening her grip and giving the girl some space to breathe. “You and Steven were attacked. Can you tell us what happened?”

“There were… snakes?” Connie says, sounding just as confused as everyone else. “Aliens!” Her exclamation causes her to cough, a small amount of blood sprinkling the water. Pearl pulls back further. 

“Connie!” she says. Greg looks uneasy, but he doesn’t shift, staying there to support her. The red in the water begins to sparkle, vanishing. 

“These creatures… they bit Steven… there was this gas, and…” Connie stammers. “And disruptors, and… we fused, but…”

“You fused?” Pearl repeats, startled. “Were you bitten, as well?”

“N-No… I thought... “ Connie says, tears forming in her eyes. “They broke us apart, and they took him. Where is he?”

Pearl’s wheels are turning. Is it possible that whatever venom Steven had been injected with had infected Connie when they fused? That would explain her poor state, despite the lack of any surface wounds. 

“We don’t know, yet,” Greg says, carefully.

“I’m sorry, Pearl,” Connie says, tears rolling down her cheeks. “I tried to save him. I tried…”

“Shh,” Pearl says, tearing up again herself as he moves in again, putting her hand to her face. She knows this feeling well. “We know you did. We are very proud.” She touches her gem to Connie’s forehead for only a moment. “Do you remember anything else? Had you seen these creatures anywhere before?”

“They were like… naga? Like… snakes with arms, and…” Connie hiccups, and suddenly her eyes go wide. “Snake… people?”

Pearl and Greg look at each other, not quite understanding the significance of that concept, even as something familiar and distance tickles the back of Pearl’s mind. Reptile people from another world? It doesn’t seem out of place, somehow. Like something she _should_ know even if she doesn’t. 

“I suppose… snakes having venom would make sense…” Pearl says. “Perhaps some sort of natural weaponry…?”

Connie seems like she is growing faint already, exhausted from what little movement she can muster. They haven’t got information to go on, but it’s better than nothing, and can they really expect Connie to know more? If this is another species, it at least gives them a description.

The ‘whys’ of it all will have to come later. 

“Homeworld’s libraries would have more information on other space-faring species, but…” But that would involve talking to the Diamonds. Without Steven. The mere idea is stressful - what if they were angry? What if Steven’s loss was enough to bring back the violent tendencies they had been putting aside for his sake?

She knew that lesser gems would always take the brunt of the Diamonds’ anger. She knew that personally.

“No… We can’t go to them. Not yet,” Pearl decides, looking back to a frowning Greg and a wavering Connie. 

“Could you go looking without asking them first?” Greg prompts, obviously against anything that leaves his son in jeopardy longer than necessary. “You guys are good at breaking the rules, right?”

He is right, isn’t he? Even the thought of being forced against the Diamonds still fills her with fear, images of broken alabaster skin disrupting her thoughts, but they are the Crystal Gems! She can’t let fear drive her anymore. 

Pearl perks up, her brows furrowing determinedly. 

“Right!” she says, his suggestion bolstering her through he doubts. “I’m sure there is a way we can access their records, even without Steven there. We… We have to try!”

Something tickles within her gem. Is that… a sound?

“Oh,” Pearl says a moment later. “My phone is ringing!” Accessing her item repository, she projects her phone out of her gem and into her hands. It’s from Amethyst. “Hello? Amethyst? Are you alright?”

“Hey Pearl,” Amethyst says, from the other side. “We’re gunna go steal Steven’s legs - you want in?”

It takes Pearl a moment to process what that even means, but when she does, it’s with enthusiasm.

“Absolutely!” she says, fire in her eyes. “I’ll be right there!”

“I’ll stay with Connie,” Greg says, with the helpless expression of a man that has been left out of these situations more times than he can count. “She’s still not looking too good, and someone is gunna have to get her back to her parents.”

“Pearl…” Connie mumbles, her eyes half-lidded. “I… I can…”

“Don’t worry, Connie,” Pearl says, getting out of the pool and standing, her head held high. “I can take it from here.”

When she leaves through the warp, it's with hope in her heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These last two chapters have mostly been covering various people's reactions to Steven being gone, because we never get to see that stuff in the show. Thankfully, my wild POV swapping powers can do the impossible! Next chapter is Spinel POV, which is a terrifying challenge, but I will do my best.
> 
> Also, I love Greg, and this won't be the last of him. Don't you worry.


	5. Trying to Try

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spinel has a weird encounter with the Crystal Gems.

Being alone is the hardest thing.

It’s funny, isn’t it? She had been alone for so long, and for the first thousand years she hadn’t even thought anything of it. She did it for six thousand years, and her resolve never completely broke. Yet, now, the simple act of being by herself is terrifying.

When she has nothing else to do, Spinel has spent many hours staring out of White Diamonds tower, watching Pink’s Diamond old palace gather dust. Dark thoughts are unavoidable. She thinks about the person she’s become because of everything that happened, and she thinks about, sometimes in great detail, how she would still like to pop Pink Diamond one if she ever saw her again.

She won’t, though, and that’s the thing. Angry, violent thoughts have no use to her anymore, and trying to vent those feelings on other people was decidedly a massive failure. She screwed up real bad, and none of the nice things she enjoys now would change that. She probably didn’t even deserve any of this. She’s here because of Steven’s mercy, and that’s it. 

Is it even possible to make up for the things that she’s done? Maybe it isn’t, and that’s the point. Were her only choices to hate other people, or to hate herself? This train of thought must be all wrong.

She sighs, the malleable form practically melting against the balcony edge. Part of her wants to go roving around, looking for some people to entertain. Even when the Diamonds are busy, there are plenty of court members scattered about, who are all learning how to appreciate a good laugh. Yet, sometimes, she feels the need to force herself into isolation, just to prove she can do it. To prove that she can still change.

She still gets those flashes of anger sometimes, when she’s rejected. When Yellow Diamond tells her that she has to cut their interactions short, due to some other pressing matter. When Blue says to wait till later. Sometimes she wants to yell at them, to punch at their big stupid feet, to refuse being left behind. Every ended conversation feels like the end of the line, and part of her wants to take pains to prove to herself that it isn’t.

Half the time, she almost feels happy, knowing that the Diamonds really do enjoy her presence, in the right moments. When all three of them are together, it’s a riot. The times in between the act, though… that’s when it’s hard.

Times like now. Though, as she watches Pink Diamonds tower, with vague, hateful thoughts rolling through the back of her mind, she notices something afoot. There are gems congregating around the Pink Diamond leg ship, and… flying up its sides?

She puts her hands around her eyes, imitating binoculars, only for her actual eyes to bulge out like lenses. Upon closer examination they look familiar, like the… what were they called again? The Crystal Gems?

Geez, there was a lot she missed while she was in the garden. Wars, rebel movements, the works. If the Crystal Gems are here, though, that might mean a certain other hybrid is here. Nervous anticipation flashes through her gut, but maybe she should take this opportunity. There’s some things she’s been meaning to say.

So, she grabs hold of the balcony, stretching her arms further and further until she slingshots across the gap. She soars over the giant Diamond ensignia and onto the balcony of Pink’s old tower, bouncing up the rest of the way with a well timed spring.

When she gets to the roof, there is a group of Earth gems talking to each other. She makes sure to strike a pose before announcing her presence.

“Lookee here!” she says. “We have guests!” She bends into a bow, her arms curling into several loops. “Welcome to Homeworld, Earthlings~”

At the head of everything, there is a Bismuth in full body armor that she only vaguely remembers, and… the Garnet fusion. The first one looks surprised to see her, and the latter far less so.

“Spinel,” Garnet says flatly. A few of the assembled Earth gems scurry away, back to whatever they were doing before she arrived.

“What brings you to the palace? Special occasion?” Spinel asks, with a self-conscious cheekiness that she is trying to pass off as confidence. “Would… a certain Steven Universe be with you, by any chance?”

Garnet stares at her for a long moment, her expression impregnable.

“No,” she says.

Garnet turns and walks away without another word, leaving Bismuth to handle the conversation.

“Hey there, heartstone,” she says, crossing her arms. “Steven just needs us to bring his ship to him. That’s all.”

Bismuth seem wary in a way that is frustrating - Spinel knows full well that these gems must think of her. This Bismuth is trying to put on a casual face, but she must be kidding her if she thinks Spinel can’t tell. Steven may have said he forgives her, but that means nothing for anyone else. Maybe this was stupid.

She can’t help but notice how weird all of this is, though, which gives her a new reason to stick around.

“Then _why_ the need for full battle regalia, I wonder?” she asks, pointing an unnecessarily large finger at Bismuth’s outfit. She puts her other hand to her chin. “Surely there’s nothing to fear here on our beloved Homeworld?”

“Uh, you know, just trying out the latest ‘fashions’,” she says, glancing off to the side. “It’s an Earth thing. You should try it some time.” Bismuth pauses, as if realizing that could be construed as offensive. “It’s... fun?”

For the first time in this conversation, Spinel’s expression drops into a skeptical frown. Really? They feel the need to armor up just because _she’s_ here? 

She feels herself starting to get upset, when a pink bubble emerges from the top of the leg ship. It sails down to the ground a short distance away, it’s upper half opening and revealing Pink Diamond’s Pearl. 

“Access granted,” Pearl says with an elegant bow, only noticing that Spinel is standing there a moment later. She yelps, jumping back with her hand defending her gem. “Spinel! What a surprise… to see you!”

“It’s time to go,” Garnet says, ignoring everything else that’s going on. She steps into the bubble with Pearl, crossing her arms. A few others miscellaneous Earth gems follow them. Bismuth hesitates for only a moment longer.

“Well, see ya!” she says, rushing off as well. Spinel is beyond confused.

“Oh come on!” she says, as the bubble closes and starts flying away. “You must think I’m stupid!” But they are already gone, disappearing into the body of Pink’s old ship. Spinel huffs, crossing her arms as she turns away to leave. “What do I care, anyway?”

It was just some dumb Earth business that she couldn’t be a part of, anyway. She’d already burned that bridge. Why can’t she just accept that?

She could have been one of them, if she hadn’t been so… her.

She takes a slightly longer way back to the throne room, trying to give herself some time to cool off. This isn’t the side of herself she wants to show in the Courts. By the time she gets back there, though, something else seems to be going on. As she enters the massive throne room doors, all three Diamonds are congregated - something she hasn’t been expecting to happen today.

She lifts her hands into a customary solute, only to find that they are already in deep conversation. Yellow Diamond has various computer displays drawn up, showing some kind of video footage.

“It’s hardly as if we didn’t notice the state the Earth was in the last time we were there,” Yellow says, gesturing broadly. The tone of conversation is heated. Spinel freezes, the subject of conversation causing her gem to vibrate. Uh oh.

“Oh… but we can’t let Steven think we don’t trust him,” Blue says. “We have to believe that he can handle his own colony… he’s done so much for the Empire, already.”

White watches from her throne as the two of them stand below, her expression blank. Spinel has gathered that White chooses to remain taciturn until she’s formed an opinion. However, her not having an opinion is also extremely uncommon, which makes the sight strange to behold.

“Alien vessels, Blue!” Yellow insists. “First, military grade bio-poison all over his planet, and now _unknown ships._ He has clearly taken on more than he can handle! We must go to Earth immediately.”

“And you’re certain these vessels are unaccounted for?” White finally says, looking to Yellow. 

“From all I can discern from raw satellite imagery, they look nothing like anything I would allow within the Empire’s borders,” Yellow insists. “I knew scaling back our forces so severely was a mistake. I don’t even have any nearby strike ships to send to investigate…!”

“We must get in contact with Steven before we attack,” Blue says, stepping forward. “They could be his friends! Hasn’t he already expressed an interest in offering reparations to the species we’ve warred with?”

“And what of the border attacks, Blue?” Yellow snaps. “Should we be offering reparations to those that are _actively_ destroying our outposts? Our _gems?_ We’ve spent millenia deflecting the advances of lesser civilizations and now you expect _friendship?_ I refuse to delay action any longer-”

“Then go,” White Diamond commands, waving a hand at them. “Take your own ships, if you must. As always, I will care for Homeworld in your absence. If you find that Steven is… _overburdened_, then I insist you bring him here immediately.” Her eyes narrow. “And for the love of Light, don’t waste time.”

Both other Diamonds look spooked by White’s forceful tone, but this seems like the only time Spinel will get a word in edgewise. She steps forward, speaking as loudly as she can to carry across the throne room. 

“Uhm… My Diamonds. I hate to interrupt, but if I could draw your attention to the pink palace over yonder… I think a situation may be afoot.”

“What does _that_ mean?” Yellow says, before looking to her security feeds. Spinel can see the image from the other side of the screen - a giant set of pink legs, clumsily kicking off into the sky. Yellow looks infuriated. “Steven is taking his ship? Without telling us?”

“Not exactly…” Spinel says. “His entourage said he wasn’t with them.”

“Oh, so his _rebel friends_ are taking his ship. Wonderful! Pearl, get me in contact with them immediately.” Yellow looks to her equally Yellow Pearl, who has been standing there politely with the Blue Pearl for most of the conversation. 

“Yes, My Diamond,” says Yellow Pearl. The Pearls are most adept at dealing with the communication systems, and as such its mere moments before the call is going through. Eventually, Pink’s ship receives the message. As the video transmission starts, it reveals the cockpit of the vessel to be filled with a gaggle of assorted gems - a tiny Peridot is piloting the ship itself.

However, Garnet is the one dominating the screen.

“Hello,” she says, bruskly. 

“Halt, fusion!” Yellow demands. “You do not have clearance to be taking that vessel!”

“That is Steven’s ship!” Blue adds, frowning at the screen.

“You are going to tell us to stop,” Garnet says, coolly. “We are going to refuse you. By now, you know that something is wrong. Your concern for Steven will cloud your judgement. I can appreciate that.”

“How dare you speak to us like this!” Blue says, starting to get angry right alongside Yellow. Behind them, White’s expression is growing increasingly intense.

“But, there is no time,” Garnet goes on. “Steven is not with us. He has been taken by another species - one that came to Earth for him specifically. We intend to find him. You can follow us, and in doing so, you may be able to help. But we will not take orders from you.”

“Garnet!” gasps the Crystal Gem’s Pearl, while the rest of the crew looks uneasy. Garnet doesn’t flinch, even for a moment, which Spinel has to admit she finds respectable. Even she wouldn’t dare talking to the Diamonds like that.

Yet, there’s something much worse to what Garnet’s saying. Steven isn’t just not with them, he’s _gone._ Already? In trouble again? Steven really couldn’t have been kidding when he told her, with tears in his eyes, that being attacked was the story of his life. Her gem feels weirdly heavy, her legs bending beneath her.

“Steven,” Blue Diamond whispers, tears forming in her eyes. Yellow smashes her fist against the console.

“Explain yourself!” she roars.

Suddenly, White Diamond is right there at the camera, her glowing visage filling it in its entirety. Her eyes are wide, with something wild behind them.

“See that he is returned to us immediately, or I will find myself growing impatient,” she says, her words eerily melodic despite the clear thirst for murder in her eyes. With that, she crushes the console device in her massive hand. She looks to the other two Diamonds, more blindingly vibrant than ever.

“Follow them,” she orders, as Yellow and Blue huddle together. Blue takes Yellows hand in hers, holding it to her chest.

“Of course…” she says, softly. 

“I have... _other things_ to attend to,” White says, walking to the warp pad and then vanishing. Yellow and Blue cast each other one last look, before beginning to move along as well.

“Pearl,” Yellow says. “Make sure you keep me informed.” Her Pearl solutes.

“Yes, Pearl, you as well,” Blue says to her own, who curtsies. 

"...Though we'll have to replace that communication array first," Yellow Pearl comments dryly before going to work.

As the two Diamonds head to the warp pad, Spinel follows them, stretching her legs as far as she can go to get closer to eye level.

“Hey, can I catch a ride?” she asks.

“Spinel?” Blue asks, surprised. “What for?”

“Oh, y’know. Sounds like you two are going to need someone to talk to,” Spinel says, with an uneasy shrug. Blue Diamond nods with a sniffle, putting her hand out for Spinel to rest on. 

“Fine,” Yellow says, moving on, which Spinel read as approval in Yellow’s language. Phew.

She doesn’t know what she’s going to do exactly, but this all feels too similar for her to shake. She has to see what’s going on. Even if she can never really earn forgiveness, the least she can do is try.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spinel and the Diamonds join the party... sort of! 
> 
> I should really go back and name the chapters I have so far or something. I just have been completely blank when it comes to ideas for titles, which is unusual for me. Don't be surprised if chapter names suddenly materialize, I guess. 
> 
> Anyway, writing Spinel was interesting, because she's still so new, and there is a lot uncertain about how her situation will end up. I'm taking the opportunity to place my bets: it's okay, but not perfect. 
> 
> Thanks for all the comments and kudos so far, I super appreciate it! We are now getting into what I consider the "good shit".


	6. Powerless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connie is late for class.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of those content tags are about to come into effect here, so ready yourself.

Connie has a class she needs to be at, but she can’t find the right room. None of the unfamiliar faces she encounters can seem to show her the way, either - all she is aware of is nebulously passing time, and that if she doesn’t figure this out quickly, she is going to miss getting there at all.

Clocks only tell her one thing: that she is late. Hours seem to pass, but the day never ends, and no teacher comes to find her or scold her. She’s lost in changing halls, in a perpetual state of panicked searching. All passerby have to offer is ridicule.

Until she sees him. 

Past the rows of muted grey lockers and windows filtering pale sunlight, she sees Steven. The vivid pinks and blues of his attire pop against his lifeless surroundings, and his eyes are wide and uncomprehending. They stare in silence, until finally Connie finds herself capable of speaking.

“Steven?” she asks, the very name seeming to conflict with her environment. Steven doesn’t go to school - he never has. High-school is an entirely different world, devoid of him and his beach-side house, devoid of aliens and danger. All that she can understand that she misses him, and she wants to be closer.

“Connie… I found you,” he says, stepping towards her, only to pause and look down at his own outstretched hand, as if confused about where he is and what he’s doing. He turns his palm towards himself. “I… Where…?”

Why _is_ Steven in her high-school? Her mind is beginning to work harder, taking in her surroundings with a scrutiny that she wasn’t before. This is a school, but it isn’t _her_ school. This is Steven, but he…

He… Could he be…?

Pieces begin to slot into place. She was at home, not long ago - sick, scared, waiting. She remembers resting for hours in the Diamond Pool with Mr Universe, she remembers being driven home, she remembers the way her mother had cried before insisting she go to the hospital all over again.

It has been hours… days? How long since he was…?

This isn’t real.

The verisimilitude of this world shatters, as she and Steven stare at each other with wide eyes. Steven isn’t at her school, he is lost somewhere in space. Yet, she is drawn to this image of him, all the same. This isn’t real, but maybe he is.

“Steven, is that really you?” she asks, coming closer. He keeps staring at her, expression both racing with and devoid of thought. “Are you talking to me in my dreams?”

“Where… Where am I?” he asks, though the strain begins to show on his face. He’s looking around now, looking at her and himself. Something is giving way. She’s just about to reach him when he begins to crumble. He clutches his arms around his chest, dropping down to the ground. “O-Oh… Oh no…”

He stares into the middle distance, losing track of his surroundings. The lighting is shifting - instead of pale afternoon light, an oppressive darkness hangs on the school walls, darkening the floor around him. Despite being hers, the dream reacts to him.

She reaches down to touch him, but flinches away when he suddenly cries out, yellow lines cutting through his skin. He looks at his hands, but there’s something covering them - some kind of dry, scaly material that creeps over his skin, growing in black patches across his body.

“Help,” he whispers. “Help, please…”

She’s only heard him sound so broken once before - when he lay suffering in her arms, his gem separated and taken from him. He had been dying, then, and part of her fears for the worst.

“Steven,” she says again, throwing her arms around him. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He’s shaking, his arms wrapped defensively around himself instead of embracing her in return. She doesn’t know what she’s seeing, but if this is any reflection of his waking world, she’s terrified. “Can you tell me where you are?”

“I don’t know,” Steven stammers, his breath fast and shallow, his words barely keeping up. “It was… a ship… and now it’s somewhere else… I can’t do anything. I can barely look around.”

“Stay with me,” Connie softly urges, her face pressed into his curly hair as she shelters him with her body. “I’m here.”

“They hate us so much,” he breathes, and she can hear him crying. “For what we did.”

“Hate who? The Crystal Gems?” 

“Diamonds. Pink Diamond. Me,” he says, and she winces, the tears in her eyes thickening.

“That isn’t you,” she says, trying so desperately to sooth him. “Whatever is happening, you don’t deserve it. You don’t.”

She pulls back, searching for his cheek with her hand, trying to get a look at his face. When she sees it, the harsh glowing lines are still there - patterns of blue and yellow that fill even his eyes. She doesn’t know what that means. Is it real? Is it imagined?

“We’re coming to get you,” she tells him, catching his tears with her thumb. “Lapis is following the ship - if you’ve landed somewhere, she’ll find out where-”

“No,” Steven gasps, squirming away from her. She doesn’t know what to do, this is breaking her heart. “Don’t tell me. Th-They… They’ll force me to tell them things. I can’t stop them. It hurts too much.”

“Steven,” Connie pleads, every piece of new information causing the horror in her to swell and gnaw away at her gut. He’s out there somewhere, hurting and alone, and these… these _monsters_ are tearing him apart. She never wants to let him go - she wants to keep him here, protected from what he’s facing.

Around them, the darkness has become equally looming. The lockers and windows have gradually faded away, degrading into panels of husk-like flesh, with nothing but faint bio-luminescence lighting them. It looks like the inside of an alien spacecraft, matching the exterior of the one he was taken in. Instead of the bright, clean lines of gem construction, it is dim, earthy, and inescapably alive. 

As it becomes darker, it’s like Steven has been sinking into the floor. That same scaly black material that’s been growing on him in patches has overtaken his kneeling legs, binding him to the ground. The arms that have been hugged around his chest have been grown-over, too, tangling them together and restricting his movement.

“No, no, Steven,” she babbles, her panic overwhelming her. She digs at the scales with her fingers, but she can’t dislodge them. Even inside of dreams, he’s trapped. She feels like she’s about to lose him all over again. She wraps her arms around him again, holding him close.

“Steven, I love you,” she says, tears rolling down her face. “We all love you. Please wait for us. We’re coming. I promise.”

“Connie,” he mumbles, his full weight collapsed against her. He’s losing the strength to hold on. “Don’t let them hurt you, too.”

“Please. Please stay. Don’t go,” she finds herself begging, her fear eclipsing her sense. She knows he can’t stay here forever. He’s already hurting, and he’s told her that projecting into dreams wears on him. He’s just so far away from her, and she can’t let go.

“A-Ah…” he breathes, his voice catching in his throat. That breath slowly shifts into a growl of pain and effort, sparks of energy flickering over his body and stinging her skin. She still doesn’t let go. “I… I can’t…” His spine arches, his eyes going wide and staring blankly upwards. “Help.”

He slips between her arms, like shadow. There’s nothing to grip, nothing to pull him back to her with. He vanishes from her world, leaving only blackness behind. 

“No!” Connie screams, grasping at the ground he disappeared into. She doesn’t want to be dreaming anymore. She doesn’t want this. She fights against the walls of her consciousness, struggling to reach the surface. She rejects this dream world. She needs to wake up!

And then, she does.

She opens her eyes, soaked with sweat, her blankets kicked off of her bed. She feels nauseous and frail, symptoms that she had almost forgotten about in the dream. Tears are on her face, and she finds that being awake doesn’t make much difference. She still wants to cry. 

She looks at the clock. It’s 3AM. It’s been four days since Steven was taken. If what she saw in the dream was real, it’s been four days of suffering. 

The Gems are out in space looking for him, but she’s stuck here. How can she be so useless? For a while, it’s all she can do to sob her eyes out, until the strain of it becomes too much for her. Exhausted and ashamed, she reaches for her cellphone. 

She doesn’t know who else to talk to. She calls Greg Universe.

He picks up right away, which is a surprise. She’d expect everyone else to be sleeping. Maybe he hasn’t been able to rest, either. The sound of his voice makes her think it might be something much worse.

“Mr Universe, I’m sorry if I woke you,” she hiccups into the phone, trying to keep her crying from being obvious and failing miserably. “I just… I had this dream…”

“...You saw him, too,” Greg says, his understanding coming with a crushing defeat in his voice that she’s never heard before. It’s a defeat that she feels, too.

“It really was him,” she says breathlessly. He had felt so real, but part of her had been holding out, wondering if it was something her mind had conjured out of numerous anxieties. It felt better than the alternative. If that Steven was real, his pain is real, too.

“I’ve never seen him like that,” Greg says, sounding so completely lost. Connie has, she thinks - almost. She’s never told anyone about that. Sympathy pangs in her heart, knowing how horrifying it had been for her. “I don’t know what to say.”

“He needs us.” That’s all Connie can think about right now. “If he can reach us in our dreams… we need to tell the Gems! I want to go to him!”

“Connie…” he says. “You’re still sick, and I’m… me. I don’t know what we can do.”

“I don’t care,” she insists. “I just… I can’t be here. On Earth. Not when he’s out there.”

The line drops into silence, the muffled sound of movement on the other side. It must be an even bigger ask of Greg than it is for her. He’s always held himself separate from missions, thinking that he’d only slow them down. He doesn’t know how to fight, but he does know how to be a dad.

“Mr Universe,” Connie pleads, despite his silence. “Even… Even if we’re not the ones to get him back. We can be there for him. He can see us. He needs us, too.”

There’s another silence, but not as long. Finally, Greg speaks again.

“How are we gunna follow them? I don’t have a spaceship, I’ve just... got a van.”

“Me neither,” Connie says, sitting up in bed. “But I know someone who does.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FriendlyPoltergeist wanted to know what's happening with Steven and here's your answer. I could have written this chapter from Greg's perspective but it would have hurt me way too much. This poor man.


	7. Lost Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amethyst has had enough.

It’s been seven days since that spaceship made off with Steven, and it’s been three days since Lapis Lazuli lost its trail. It was probably inevitable, Amethyst thinks. The combination of her having to keep up while also taking breaks to find communicators to report back with - it was only a matter of time until she wasn’t fast enough, or until her target was sneaky enough to get away. A very defeated Lapis had rejoined with the leg ship a short while after, and has been riding with them ever since.

Currently, Amethyst has transformed herself into a basketball and is letting Peridot throw her against the cockpit wall. They’ve been taking turns piloting the ship, and besides that, all anybody has is miserable downtime. Pearl is unique in that she has been pouring over Empire historical records ever since they left, but what information she’s discovered has started to hit dead ends.

“I don’t understand it. All records concerning this ‘reptiloid’ species ends several thousand years ago!” Pearl informs everyone for what is probably the eighth time on this trip. Her thought process has become a bit circular at this point, probably due to a desperate need to feel like she’s doing something. “Yet, it fits all of our descriptions. It’s simply that nothing like this has been reported since their war with the Diamonds all but wiped them out.”

“Yeah?” Amethyst says, as she bounces off the wall and back into Peridot’s hands. “So, they went somewhere else. The Diamonds thought the Crystal Gems were done for, too, they were dead wrong.”

She would feel bad about being so dismissive in better circumstances, but an anger has been building in her that she hasn’t been able to displace. It’s been _days_ of this so far, and ever since Connie got in contact with them about her dream, morale has been right in the hole. Without better options, they’ve spent the last few days basically killing time, flying between nearby star systems without a clue. She hates it.

There’s a lot of things Amethyst hates right now. She hates that Lapis seems like she’s given up already, and she hates that the Diamonds have used their power to do diddly squat besides fly around on their own, failing just as hard as they are. She hates that Garnet has barely said anything since they left Earth. She hates that _she_ can’t think of anything more useful to do than to turn into a basketball.

“Who cares about that, anyway?” Peridot whines, throwing her again. “It doesn’t tell us anything about where they are _now_.”

“We cannot know how they came to be here, but their history can provide us with likely motivations,” Garnet says, as flat as she’s ever been.

“So what?” Amethyst snaps, as Peridot catches her. “We all know what this is! It’s another problem made by Diamonds that’s taking itself out on Steven. He has _nothing_ to do with this!” And yet, he’s imprisoned somewhere, probably being literally tortured by some creeps that think he’s the key to their revenge or some crap. She’s tearing up despite herself. “It isn’t fair. I’m sick of watching this happen to him!”

No one has an immediate response, with nothing but downcast eyes around the room. Peridot pauses with Amethyst in her hands, looking unsure - until finally she pulls her in close and carefully clarifies:

“Um... Do you wanna go again?” 

“Yeah,” Amethyst sniffs. Peridot nods sympathetically and bounces her back against the wall. A few throws later, though, Amethyst finds no one catching her, because Peridot is suddenly gawking at something that’s just appeared on the radar display. Bismuth, the current pilot, is staring, too.

Amethyst crashes into Peridot’s face, turning back into her normal form right on top of her. The two of them lay in a tangle as Bismuth reacts.

“Hold up,” she says. “Look alive, rocks. We’ve got something big showing up on the scanner.”

Amethyst doesn’t really get this sort of thing, but she crawls towards the radar regardless. On a nearby star system, there is a big circle of… something, showing up. 

“Uh… okay. What’s what?” she asks. 

“It’s an energy signature!” Peridot says, climbing on top of her to get a better look. “If I’m not mistaken, it’s something you’d expect to see from a large scale weapon detonation. Like, you know, a bomb.” She gestures at the energy patterns. “It’s clearly gem tech - also, incredibly powerful.”

“The Diamonds?” Pearl asks. “Could this mean they’ve found something?”

“Could be, but look how disorganized it is,” Bismuth says, gesturing. “And it’s still growing! I’ve seen a lot of weapons in my day, and when it comes to battle tactics, precision is key. Especially if those snakes have got a hostage.”

“Not always,” Garnet says crisply, leaned back against the wall with her arms crossed. A well known exception hangs in the air, and it’s Pearl that vocalizes it.

“The Diamond’s attack on Earth…” she whispers. Bismuth grimaces, then shakes it off. 

“Look, we can find out when we get there,” she says. “But if that’s our lead, I’m taking it. Hi-yah!” She kicks her legs, propelling the ship faster through space, racing towards the radar blip.

It takes a good few hours to reroute to the target, and once they’ve gotten there the energy blast has all but dissipated. The source, however, clearly remains. It’s an old Empire colony, chewed through to the point of uselessness. From overhead, the widespread destruction of the planet is clear. Even beyond its carved out, fragmenting structure, the gem constructions covering it are shredded and abandoned, as if worn down from years of active warfare. That’s even beyond the spot that had lit up on the radar, which is on a whole new level.

That part of the planet is freshly torn apart, buildings fully collapsed and ruins ruined further in about a kilometer radius. Some kind of weird looking energy signature still hangs in the air, like gem-based radiation. Amethyst can’t claim to know the specifics.

More curiously, there is no sign of the Diamond ships at all. It’s possible that they’ve already moved on in the time it took to get here, but…

“Are we really going down there?” Peridot asks, nervously. “That is _clearly_ a war zone.”

“It is, but it looks so _old,_” Pearl says. “All of this damage looks ancient, but the blast we just saw is new. This is the epicenter. There must be _something._”

“But what if _we’re_ the next ones to be obliterated?”

“I’ll go,” Lapis says, getting to her feet. It’s the first time she’s spoken all day. “If there’s something dangerous down there, I’ll deal with it.”

“Lapis, no!” Peridot yelps. “There’s hardly any water, and… and what if another explosion happens and damages your gem?”

“I don’t care!” Lapis insists. “It’s my fault we lost the trail. If this is our only clue, we have to look into it.”

“Forget it,” Bismuth says, putting her hand on Lapis’s shoulder from her place at the controls. “Us Crystals Gems stick together. If you’re going down there, we’re all going.”

Lapis glances away, putting her hand over Bismuth’s. Her expression is distant at first, but it can’t last.

“Then let’s go,” she says, her lip curving just a little. 

Peridot insists on doing a bunch of scans before they disembark, but in the end, the environment below is safe enough to land on. The buzz of latent energy is a tickle to the senses more than a burn. All of them except for Biggs and a couple other Earth quartz leave the leg ship to search, and a few things become clear almost as soon as they hit the ground.

There was an explosion, and that explosion managed to destroy a handful of large, scaly ships - ships matching the one that they’ve spent the last week chasing. One lays on its side, while the other is half crushed beneath a collapsed building. The meaning of this is simple. The reptiloids were here, and they were here recently. Survivors could still be in the wreckage.

It seems natural to hesitate when there are potentially hostile aliens about, but Garnet goes ahead anyway, essentially ignoring the crashed vessels. Amethyst is getting frustrated.

“Yo, Garnet! What are you doing? The ships are right here!” she says, raising her hands. 

“Keep going,” Garnet says. “We’re not there yet.”

“Ugh,” Amethyst grumbles. “Like, what does that even mean? Why do you have to be so cagey about this?”

They continue their trek regardless, as Peridot send out several of her robonoid drones to search. Beneath a bit of architectural wreckage, they find a path downward and through the remains of shining gem labs. Garnet seems intent on going down there, so Amethyst guesses they are all following her, now.

It doesn’t take long, though, for Garnet’s intuition to become clear. Beneath the ground, abandoned gem architecture mingles with something new: tech reminiscent of the reptiloid vessels. At first it is just the occasional panel or lingering instrument, but soon entire rooms are covered with their tech, turning the journey into a steady crawl into darkness. Along the way, Amethyst stumbles over something - the crushed body of a reptiloid.

Everyone stops to stare at it for a moment, most of them being unaccustomed to encountering organic gore. Its long and serpentine, though different from the ones that Connie described. It’s thin instead of armoured, and it has several more arms, giving it a centipede-like appearance. On its back, there is something that might be a smushed pair of insect wings. Amethyst nudges it with her foot, just to be safe.

“Rest in pieces, dude,” she says, and carries on without further reflection.

In the next room they find an overturned communication array, with half formed messages struggling to play. They look like Gem Empire announcements and transmissions - including one very familiar one, with Steven Universe addressing the Empire. Amethyst looks away. She can’t deal with seeing that right now.

Rubble is everywhere and getting through it is difficult, at this point. When they finally seem to reach a dead end, Garnet summons her gauntlets. Two sharp punches and what’s left of a wall collapses, allowing wind to whip at their faces from the other side. They emerge out of the ruins into the arena-like epicenter of the blast.

The area is exposed to the sky, but rests inside of a deep, dome shaped crater, as if a meteor struck the earth. It’s weirder than that, though - along the edges, instead of just plateauing, there are high walls of wreckage shielding the interior, as if something from the center has pushed everything that once surrounded it to the outside. The ground is barren, with one key exception, right in the middle.

In the middle there is a structure, pristine and protected from damage, as if cleanly cut out of its surroundings. It would have been underground at some point, but now it is exposed, standing as a jagged little monument in the center of a disaster. As they head down the slope, Peridot deploys her drones.

“Oh,” she says, “the readings are _much_ stronger, here. I’m going to see if I can navigate the interior of that structure.”

Her bespectacled drone zooms in over head, getting closer to the building - but before it can get inside, a sharp fractal of pink light smacks it clean out of the air. Peridot cries out in dismay.

“Get ready for it,” Bismuth says, shifting her hands into hammers. Alongside her, the rest of the crew starts summoning their weapons - except Amethyst, who notices something. There is a source of light lurking close to the base of the structure.

“Hey!” Amethyst calls out, sliding down the rest of the way. Garnet reaches out for her.

“Amethyst!” she shouts. “Be careful!”

Amethyst stops at the bottom of the slope, mere feet away from a bisected archway that serves as an entrance. As she gets closer, the pink light gets stronger, until it suddenly reveals itself in a form she was never expecting.

Steven stands before her, whole and healthy, dressed in his regular clothes as if it were a normal day in Beach City, as if he were never taken at all. Her heart soars for an instant, but there is something off. In part, it’s his colouring - instead of blues and yellows, he is entirely pink, from top to bottom. The kind of pink that emits light, bright enough that it cast shadows around him.

The rest of the wrongness is all in his expression. As a look of stunned joy comes to her face, his holds no expression whatsoever. He stares at her, hollow, with no hint of sign of emotion, either good or bad.

“Amethyst!” Garnet shouts again, starting to follow after. Amethyst doesn’t listen. She doesn’t understand what she’s seeing.

“Steven?” she asks, reaching towards him. “Steven, we found you. We’re here.” 

Before she can get anywhere near him, a faceted wall of light appears between them. Steven stares at her from the other side, unflinching, uncaring. 

The wall smashes towards her, faster than she could ever react.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ominous violins play, and also dubstep.
> 
> I couldn't figure out anything better to call snake people so I just went with the classic. Thankfully, they are probably not involved with Earth government.
> 
> There won't be any more updates until mid next week, because I'm travelling this weekend. So, enjoy the cliffhanger, I guess. Don't worry about it, it's fine. Everything is fine. Especially Amethyst.


	8. Riverbend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The flow of time travels many rivers.

It’s not too fast for Garnet, though, because Garnet is ready. She’s _been_ ready, for far too long.

When the faceted wall of energy appears, she’s already there, grabbing Amethyst with one gauntleted fist. She hauls them into the air, using her other palm to brace against the barrier as it whips them towards the stone slope of the crater. She only just barely manages to flip them over top of the projection before it crashes into the unforgiving ground, with gem shattering force.

She knows it would be gem shattering, because she’s seen this already. The space within her third eye has been a tangle of disparate timelines ever since Steven was taken. It was only when they made it to this war-torn planet that this one began to unlock, along with the grim possibilities it entailed. 

There were so many options. Along one fork in the river, no version of Steven showed up at all. In others, someone else would become agitated, someone else would take the first step. In some, Peridot never sent her drone out first, depriving them of warning. In many others, they missed the opportunity to find Steven entirely, or reptiloids would arrive in his place.

The one she had been most wary of was this one. The one where Amethyst is too close, and too unaware. The ones where the force of this barrier is enough to break her gem in two.

Yet, it was within her power to change. As her and Amethyst land, she dissolves her gauntlets, putting out a hand in surrender. Behind them, the barrier has effortlessly cleaved a deep furrow into the stone.

“Steven, please,” Garnet says. “We mean you no harm.” Even she doesn’t yet know what this glowing pink vision of Steven entails, and in many ways she is relying on instinct. She cannot see down the river of time far enough to know the answers, but she has to believe that if this is Steven, he would not attack without reason.

Amethyst is stunned. She scrambles to her feet looking panicked and betrayed.

“What _is_ that thing?” she squeaks. Pearl and Bismuth are trying to get closer, to defend them if necessary, but all of them are visibly wary of this apparition. 

“Is it… a projection?” Pearl asks, trying to piece all of this together. “It almost looks like one of my holograms.”

Garnet weighs the possibility. While Pearl’s holo-clones are certainly more animated, it wouldn’t seem out of place. If a Pearl can summon an automaton to fight for them, then who is to say a Diamond couldn’t? Is it possible that this is a new power of Steven’s freshly unleashed? If so, where is he? Has he found a way to fight off his captors?

The future has yet to convalesce in a way she can fully predict. There are so many options pouring into her mind about how this specific confrontation may go, that answers about how it has come to be are still beyond her reach.

Can this projection be reasoned with? She would like to think so, but there are variables that elude her. 

“If it’s a hologram, it must be following its programming,” Garnet concludes. Much the same way a Holo-Pearl would follow its directive to the logical conclusion, this Steven could reasonably have been designated to attack. But would Steven order something like that so carelessly?

Bismuth slides in, hooking a pickaxe hand into the stone to keep her grip. She raises a hand to the Steven hologram, smiling uncertainly.

“Hey there, uh… little guy,” she says. “Did Steven summon you? If he did, you can tell him friends are here. We only wanna talk.”

‘Steven’ looks at her vacantly - it’s only a moment later that something seems to click. His shoulders lift, as if taking in a breath. Then, without warning, he attacks.

“Whoa-” Bismuth yelps, as holo-Steven plows a fist into the stone where she just was, concussive force even beyond the range of his punch creating a fresh crater at her feet. Bismuth is wheeling backwards to compensate, but there is a limit to how fast she can move. Without hesitation, the projection strikes again, his punch falling short but the energy it releases still being more than enough to knock her onto her back.

Bismuth grunts in surprise, shifting her fists into two flat chunks, holding them in front of her as a shield. The projection strikes again, hitting its surface. Though it holds off the blow, it’s only barely, and Bismuth lets out a sharp cry of pain as the force of it resonates through her entire form.

A flash of blue intervenes. It’s Lapis, scooping her arms beneath Bismuth’s shoulders and hauling her away. The ‘Steven’ gazes on after them, standing in place, with seemingly no immediate interest in following them.

“Yeow!” Bismuth says from up in the air, shaking her hands back into their basic forms. “One more hit like that and I’d have been done for. This thing packs more of a punch than he does.”

“Steven!” Lapis calls out to the area in general, as the projection slowly walks back to its starting place. By now, everyone else is keeping their distance. “You don’t have to fight us! We want to help you. Please, call them off.”

It’s reminiscent of Lapis Lazuli’s own water clones. Summoning something like this is certainly common enough, but something about that designation doesn’t feel right to Garnet. She wants to understand. 

“Give him space!” Garnet yells to the others. Most of them opt to take a step or two back, no longer even attempting to get close to the target. This being, whatever it is, is clearly not going to allow them.

“Leave,” the projection says, given a moment of respite. It’s voice is like Steven’s but with an emptiness that leaves an echoing undertone. 

“Why don’t _you_ leave!?” Peridot shouts, having hopped into the back of one of her drones, riding it into the air. Garnet can sense her intent, with the benefit of her third eye. She wants to make a run for the structure, but it won’t go well.

“Peridot, don’t,” Garnet says. Peridot looks at her, both sheepish and angry.

“I didn’t even do anything!” She crosses her arms. “...Yet.”

Amethyst is finally starting to recover from her shock, but it’s with a surge of agitation that Garnet can sense in the air. She’s been holding onto her frustration for too long, and this projection of Steven may be about to become a target. Amethyst takes a step forward, and Garnet grabs her shoulder, holding her back.

Amethyst growls, trying to shrug her off. When she can’t, she just starts yelling from where she is.

“So, what, did those aliens make you?” She strains against Garnet’s hand. “Did they make Steven do this? Just leave him alone!”

“No,” the projection says, stone-like in its posture, unflinching in its hollow voice. “Yes. I am ‘Steven’. Leave me alone.”

“No you’re _not_!” Amethyst cries, but she can’t do any more. It’s in that moment that shadows arrive from overhead, cast by two enormous spacecrafts with grasping fingers, shining in yellow and blue. The Diamonds have arrived.

“Not the time,” Garnet growls at the sky, protectively tugging Amethyst back again. The projected Steven looks up with the same blank expression, observing the ships but not outwardly reacting to them. That is, until another faceted barrier shield constructs itself over the entire structure, with the projection inside. The team assembled around it reflexively grimances, but no attack follows. The projection remains still.

The arms pass overhead, landing a distance away. They don’t take long to catch up. After the Diamonds leave their ship, the ground shakes as their massive forms race towards the wall of rubble that surround the crater. Even for gems of their size, the wreckage reaches to just below their gems.

“Steven!” Blue Diamond gasps, recognizing the colours of the barrier. Her hair is unkempt, and the darkness beneath her eyes seems heavier than usual. She has clearly been been crying. She puts her hands on the wall, struggling to get a clear view. Yellow Diamond is not far behind.

“What is this?” Yellow Diamond snaps, leaning over the wall and towering over the Crystal Gems below. “You’ve engaged the enemy without a single communication? On _our_ territory?”

“We’re in the middle of something!” Garnet yells up at them, clenching her fists. She can only see them throwing this situation into chaos. If this group lacks the tact to handle this, the Diamonds are hopeless. They are too accustomed to getting their own way.

“Steven!” Yellow Diamond says, ignoring Garnet and focusing in on the structure and its protector. The barrier looks like something Steven could do, even if it is not his usual style. “There you are! You scared us all to the point of cracking.”

“That’s _not_ Steven!” Amethyst shouts, now moving aggressively towards the Diamonds instead of the barrier. Perhaps a slight improvement, Garnet thinks, but not by much.

“Don’t be foolish,” Yellow Diamond sneers. “Of course it is. We can feel the aura of his gem - he is right _here._”

“Steven!” Blue Diamond calls again, reaching out her hand. “Please lower your shield! You have nothing to fear, now. We’ve come for you.”

“_You’ve_ come for him?” Lapis asks incredulously, her eyes narrowing.

The projection remains where it is, its barrier unmoving. If anything, the thickness of the Diamond energy in the area increases, in a way that causes Garnet’s gems to grow warm. ‘Steven’s’ eyes are set on the Diamonds, his pupils small and focused with dangerous intent.

“Steven?” Blue Diamond asks, becoming distraught when he doesn’t respond. “Steven, what’s the matter? Are you hurt? Please, speak to us.” She sounds like she is going to begin to cry all over again. Yellow Diamond looks at her, and then scowls, beginning to climb over the barrier. 

“That is enough of this,” she says. “We are going home.” Her movements cause rubble to break loose, rolling down the sides of the crater towards the center. The Crystal Gems have to dash out of the way to avoid it, scrambling over rocks.

“Hey, do you mind?” Amethyst gripes. Yellow Diamond keeps coming regardless, her heels clumsily smashing into the side of the crater as slips over the wall. She can’t quite keep her balance at first, causing her to stumble and create another rockslide.

“Watch it, you megaton grade oafs!” Peridot shouts as one of her lingering drones gets crushed. 

“Hey, what’s all the-” Spinel appears, bouncing up onto Blue’s shoulder. She sounds a bit out of breath. It doesn’t take long to see what it is. “Oh,” she says, watching the area below warily. Blue covers her mouth with her hands, shaking her head slightly.

“Steven won’t speak to us,” she says.

“Uh…” Spinel says. “That doesn’t really look like… Steven…” She rubs her neck with a hand, clearly unnerved. “That face… it’s all wrong, y’know?”

“No one but a Pink Diamond could make a barrier like this,” Yellow Diamond asserts, moving towards the structure with a raised hand. “Let us in, Steven. We don’t have time to linger.”

“No,” the projection says, unmoving. The energy of the barrier builds in a sharp crescendo, and then discharges. The wave surges in all directions, kicking up stone, and knocking Yellow Diamond back. The Crystal Gems on the ground are sent flying, rolling in the dirt. Garnet gasps, just barely gripping the stone with her gauntlets. She’s never felt anything like this before. 

Has she…?

“Steven!” Pearl pleads, leaning into her spear as it drags through the stone, having been silent until now. “Steven, please…”

Before she can do anything to calm things down, Yellow Diamond is rising again. She looks furious and uncomprehending, her lack of understanding only fueling her anger. She grits her teeth, reaching for the barrier with a hand sparkling with electricity. 

“That is _enough!_” she commands, gripping it in her palm. The energy of her power jolts through the barrier, threatening to break it apart. It’s only then that Steven’s projection faces her completely, and lifts his arms. The barrier shatters, its pieces cutting in all directions like shrapnel. The crater becomes pandemonium. 

Rocks are falling. Crystal Gems are tumbling in stunned disarray. Yellow Diamond is yelling in pain, and Blue Diamond is crying out. In the center of the storm stands Steven’s likeness, without expression, without pity to spare for those that would threaten him. Garnet can see it all, everything and nothing, the brutality of the moments to follow. 

Blue Diamond’s power reflexively floods the air, her dismay and confusion forced into all that would hear it. It even seems to strike Steven’s spectre, who eyes radiate blue, his expression creasing with emotion for the first time since he was found. His blankness becomes terror, becomes pain. He clutches the sides of his head and screams.

The sound is like a sonic boom, shattering stone. Garnet crumples to her knees, reaching towards him. This has to stop. They could all be shattered, here. Maybe even the Diamonds. It certainly feels like it.

“Steven…” Garnet says, forcing herself to her feet, through the waves of hurt and confusion. She pushes herself towards him, each step a victory. She doesn’t know what to do, she doesn’t know what his image of Steven truly represents, but she hears that pain. She needs to get through to him.

She’s getting close. The projection isn’t paying attention to any individual, it is wildly releasing energy now, with no focus and no purpose. She is within reach now. She is almost there.

“Steven, it’s me,” she says, trusting that some part of him is in there. If this is his power, his essence, then she has to believe the real him can still feel her. “We’re all here. We love you.” She pushes an un-gauntleted hand towards him.

His eyes open to her, and for the first time, there is a flash of understanding. Yet, fear takes precedence. A shield forms between his arms, ready to strike-

Only to be withdrawn, as Spinel springs in from the other side of the structure, wrapping her stretchy arms around him, loop after loop until he can no longer raise a hand against her. The projection of Steven looks dazed for a moment, until he sees her face.

“Steven,” Spinel says, in a hurry. “I don’t know what’s going on, but you _don’t_ want to do this. These are your friends. Your _real_ friends. Aren’t they?”

His confusion becomes recognition, and then the blankness of raw purpose. This gem he knows. This gem he offers no mercy.

He grabs the loops of her arms in hand and, without effort, he tears them to pieces. The remains of Spinel fall away from him with an expression of shock, as her form begins to break apart. Her light releases, vanishing into smoke, as a heart-shaped gem lands on the rocks. 

This is the calm in the storm, as this moment freezes in time. The spectre looks back to Garnet, his eyes wide and unmoved. 

The moment is punctured by a spaceship arriving over head - gold, with the smooth construction of gem engineering. It’s the Sun Incinerator. It manages a rough landing, shaken by the waves of Diamond energy flowing in all directions. It is mere moments before several familiar figures emerge. 

“Steven?” calls Connie Maheswaran, her dark hair loose and swept up in the wind. With her, the river of time flows around the bend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew, this chapter was hard to write. The combination of trying to sort of Garnet's future vision and the number of active characters really complicated things. Future vision is such a hard to articulate power. She clearly doesn't know everything that will happen in the show, and is capable of being surprised, so that is challenging to balance from inside of her head.
> 
> I love writing Yellow and Blue. Damn, you guys. Get your act together. Also, I really need to count how many times a character says Steven's name in this chapter, because it's a lot.


	9. Missing Pieces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where there's crying but no singing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of those tags are going to be coming into effect again, so keep that in mind when approaching this chapter. It's pretty heavy.

It had taken them days to catch up, but they’d finally made it. They’d tracked a path all the way to the legs’ current location, and found themselves at a shattered gem colony. The architecture had fallen into a state of deep disrepair and the landmass itself was sundered from over-mining. Of course, the Off Colours had balked when Rhodonite identified the two Diamond arm ships as being there as well.

“Something must be going on,” Connie had said. “We have to get down there!”

The entire crew was apprehensive, but eventually Lars gave the order. They’d agreed to help Connie and Greg find Steven, and no matter how reluctant they’d been to go back into space, they all owed it to him to try. Lars in particular had taken the news badly. It was no secret that he felt like he owed Steven a lot.

“You better be here, man,” Lars said as they descended through the atmosphere. The turbulence was intense, and at first it hadn’t been clear why. After the Rutiles managed a landing, it became all too obvious. This was a battle zone.

Now that she’s out there, standing on the curved stone of the crater, Connie can feel it, too. Rubble is everywhere. Yellow Diamond and Blue Diamond are incapacitated, slumped against the edge of the arena. The Crystal Gems look terrified and beaten. At the center of it all is Steven - or, at least, a ghost of him.

A ghost she’s met before.

Though a couple days of space travel have given her more time to recover, Connie still shakes as she moves down towards the center. Greg follows after, while Lars stays with his crew. None of them understand what they are seeing - none, except for her. The memories of their first meeting still rock her to her core.

“Steven!” she calls again, racing towards him, even as the wild energy in the air threatens to beat her back. Garnet is the closest to the center, and lifts a hand to stop her.

“Connie, don’t!” she says. Greg hangs back, looking completely lost. “It’s too dangerous.”

“We came to help,” Connie says, stumbling over the rocks. 

“Is this some kind of new Steven thing?” Greg asks, voice cracking, hand clutching over his heart as he looks at this fragment of his son.

“This projection of Steven’s power has been destroying the entire area,” Garnet explains, casting a wary look at Greg. Admittedly, Connie has no idea what's been happening, but this is _Steven._ He’s here. She found him. “Fighting us, fighting with the Diamonds. We’ve all been nearly poofed, or worse. Spinel’s physical form was destroyed.”

That sounds familiar. Connie’s heart sinks, looking back to the half of Steven that stands before her, and then down to the heart shaped gem lying in the dirt. Though power radiates off of him, his body is still, his eyes focused on her. It doesn’t make sense. How did he get split? Is his human half even here? If he is, why haven’t they fused yet?

“It’s… It’s not a projection,” Connie explains, realizing the deception her own silence has created. They never told anyone about what White had done. Part of her had wanted to, but it had been obvious that Steven wanted to move on. She had cared most about what would make him feel safe. “It’s... his gem.”

“What?” Greg yelps, jolting forward despite the danger of the situation. “His gem? What’s it doing out here? It’s supposed to be in his body!”

“Oh… no,” Garnet whispers, as if something has finally clicked for her. She pulls off her visor, looking at Steven’s gem with an expression of raw pain. “No. Steven…”

“What’s going on?” Pearl calls, trying to make her way over. “Connie, you can’t be here!”

“I _have_ to be here,” Connie insists, making her decision. Steven needs her. She breaks the line, stumbling closer to where Steven’s gem is standing. She holds no weapons, raising her hands to him in a show of peace.

The gem stares back a her, sending reverberations of power through the stone. She nearly trips, but manages to stand her ground. He must be so upset. He’s alone out here.

“Steven,” she says softly, making no sudden movements. “Do you remember me? Do you remember when I saw you before?”

He still doesn’t move, standing stalwart in front of the structure he’s seemingly cut out of the stone. Is he protecting it? Part of her desperately hopes that his other half is inside, but she can’t figure out why he wouldn’t be there with him now. Being together meant everything to them. She takes another step closer.

“Where’s your other half? I want to bring him to you!” She feels a tear rolling down her cheek, which she wipes away. “You should be together.”

The aggressive aura of his power begins to thin, the shaking in the ground slowly growing quiet. The stark blankness of his expression is twinged with something, now. Understanding? Longing? Confusion? It’s impossible to say.

He lifts his hands, as if mimicking the motion of accepting something from her, only to look down at his own arms uncomprehendingly. 

“Yes!” Connie says, celebrating his gesture. “Just like that.” She moves even closer, and softly rests her hands over his. His skin has an odd warmth to it, a buzzing energy like touching a light bulb. She has nothing to give - not yet - but she will. She’ll fix him, no matter what it takes. “I’m Connie. I’m going to help you.”

“Hey kiddo…” says a frail voice from behind her.

It’s only then that she notices that Greg has come too, looking as uncertain and out of place as ever, but enduring it regardless. As she looks back, she sees the gems standing a distance away, stunned and helpless in the face of this turn of events. Far up above them, Yellow and Blue Diamond are coming to their senses, now only staring in a state of bewildered awe.

“I dunno if you remember your old man right now, but…” Greg hedges. “You’re my son. I wish I could have protected you. I’m sorry that I didn’t.” His words send a shock of emotion through Connie’s body, and her own tears thicken. “Please, come back to Earth with us.”

Steven’s eyes linger on Greg, and then shift back to Connie. Finally, he stares into the middle distance, as something unknowable processes through his mind.

“Human beings…” he murmurs, and then unceremoniously turns around and walks back into the structure. Connie and Greg exchange uncertain glances.

“Should we follow him…?” Greg asks, rubbing his neck. He looks back to the gems, as if hoping for approval. They all look completely dumbfounded, except for Garnet, whose expression is grave.

“Connie and Greg are safe to go,” she says. “The rest of us can follow, but only if we are careful to not upset him.” The others clearly have no idea what any of this means.

“Garnet, I don’t understand!” Pearl pleads. “What happened to him? What was that?”

“It’s Steven’s gem,” Garnet explains. “Separated from his body. Connie recognized it.” She looks at Connie, now, clearly implying a question while refusing to outright ask it. “She’s seen this somewhere before.”

“It’s… kind of a long story,” Connie says, overwhelmed by the many eyes now resting on her. “...It happened when you were all being controlled by White Diamond.”

“What are you saying?” Yellow Diamond booms from up above, looking plainly distressed in a way she usually doesn’t manage. “That his gem can just walk free?”

“White didn’t…” Blue Diamond whispers, her eyes still brimming with tears. “What does this mean?”

“His gem half and his human half… they can be split apart, but they are two halves of a whole. They need each other,” Connie explains, clenching her fists, trying to muster the will to face this. “If… If the aliens did this to him, we have to get them back together.”

She knows from experience how much pain his human half must be in. If they can’t make Steven whole soon… will he even survive?

She wipes away her tears and heads through the archway.

Steven’s gem is standing there waiting for her, his arms hanging at his sides, his gaze impassive. His only reaction to her appearing is a small turn of his head. Once she is following again, he continues on, walking deeper into the building. The space here is mostly untouched, gem construction with a creepy overlay of reptiloid tech. It feels a lot like the things she saw in her dream, which gives her the creeps.

The shelter Steven has been protecting only constitutes a single, wide room and its attached hallway. Once they arrive at the end of that entrance, the reptiloid presence is even thicker. Unpleasant, organic tech is built off of every surface, all centered around a large operating bed, sheathed in dark scales. There is a soft, underlying thrum of some kind of heart monitor.

Inside the bed, there is a figure. Connie’s head swims, her hands covering her mouth. Oh no. Oh no, no, no.

It’s Steven. His missing part.

Most of his body is coated in a thick, scaly material, only exposing his shoulders, head, and naval. It looks like it was meant to meld seamlessly into the bed of the device, in a way that would restrain movement, but it has been torn up in what was clearly a desperate attempt to free him. Even if his limbs have been ripped free, the material still clings to them heavily, and the exposed skin is deathly pale with sharp punctuations of bruising.

It horrifies her to see, her gut turning with such revulsion and anger that it’s hard to stay upright. His skin is dotted with thin incisions and puncture wounds, barely healed over. At his belly, some kind of device connects to him like an umbilical cord. Her mind races with ideas about what it could be doing, but in the end, it settles on one key hope - is he breathing?

She races to his side, touching his face and feeling his chest as tears roll down her cheeks. He’s breathing, but unevenly. Some kind of ventilator is plugged into his nose. His eyes are closed, unconscious.

“Steven?” she asks. She knows part of him is standing right there, but this is the one she’s terrified for. As she cries, his gem crawls onto the bed with his human half, curling against his side. As he does, a flicker of pain shows on the gem’s face, which only makes him wrap his arm around his twin more tightly.

“Why haven’t you fused?” Connie pleads, her gaze flashing over the two of them, tangled together but still separate.

“It won’t work,” his gem half says. “I’ve been damaged.”

Connie looks up long enough to see that Greg is standing there too, frozen with complete and utter heartbreak. As she meets his eyes, shame flashes through his expression, and he turns away from her. Connie looks back down to the Steven, not able to hold that look either. She shakes her head, trying to balance herself. She has to keep going. She can’t stop now.

“Are you cracked?” she asks, fighting through the tightness in her voice. “Can I see?”

Steven’s gem doesn’t answer her, but he does roll slightly onto his back, exposing his belly. She tentatively reaches over, brushing her fingers against his shirt, and then lifting it up enough to reveal his gem.

It’s whole and without obvious fractures, gleaming despite the dim lighting of this place. At first, she can barely guess what could be wrong with it, but then she notices something ever so slightly off - a cloudy darkness in its core, so fine that she’s not entirely sure if she’s imagining it. She wipes her eyes dry, trying to get a better look. It’s at this point that Garnet leads Amethyst and Pearl into the room.

For Garnet there is no surprise, but the other two are overwhelmed by the sight of the two Stevens laying there together, both broken in their own ways. It’s not something that is easy to understand, Connie knows, and this time there is no joyous reunion to calm them. Pearl rushes over to the operating bed, hysteria clearly beginning to grip her.

“We have to get him out of this thing!” she insists, starting to tug at the tubes still attached to his human body. Suddenly, his gem lashes out, grabbing her around the wrist. The grip is tight enough that Pearl lets out a gasp of discomfort, and his gaze is sharp and unforgiving.

“Pearl,” Garnet calls, though it’s with a note of desperation behind her usually level tone. Connie can see now that she’s holding Spinel’s gem in her hands. “Please. We must use caution.”

“Steven, let her go,” Connie says, laying a hand over his. It takes a few moments, but Steven’s gem finally releases Pearl, who withdraws as if bitten.

“Is he angry at us?” Pearl asks, eyes brimming with tears. “We tried to find you, Steven, I swear-”

“No,” Connie says, resting a hand on Pearl’s shoulder. She feels like she needs to be comforting everyone at once, as the only one familiar with this. “It’s just that… I think this Steven is different. He wants to join with his human half, but he can’t… he doesn’t act like normal Steven does, because he’s built differently.”

Connie has no thorough explanation of how this all works, but Steven had spoken to her a bit about how it had felt, with memories of both sides. 

“Steven… after this happened on Homeworld, Steven told me it felt like he was two people, but also only one person. Like his gem side couldn’t remember how to do human stuff.”

Reactions vary. Amethyst seems wary and skeptical, while Pearl seems purely overwhelmed. Garnet seems to understand, but Greg is still frozen with a pained, self destructive kind of energy that she is honestly extremely worried about. What is she supposed to do? The Diamonds won’t be happy, either. And the others-

This must be how Steven feels all the time, she thinks, and the idea of it tightens around her heart. She needs to keep moving, before she’s swallowed up by it all.

“Look, we can talk about this later! Right now… we need to figure out how to get them home,” she says, and starts looking human Steven over more carefully. Gem Steven watches her warily, giving her the impression that he is prepared to spring into action the moment his other half seems threatened. “Could this be some kind of life support device? Without his gem, human Steven seemed really sick - like he could barely move…”

“Why didn’t he ever tell us this stuff?” Amethyst asks morosely, staring at the floor. “You’re saying that he got his gem ripped right out, and he didn’t tell anyone but _you?_”

“I don’t know!” Connie snaps, breaking beneath the pressure of the resentment she can hear in her tone. “He didn’t _tell_ me, I was just there! I’m human, so White Diamonds powers didn’t work on me. He never feels like he can tell anyone anything, because he thinks it will just makes things worse, so…” She clenches her fists at her sides. “Don’t take this out on me. I’m doing everything I can.”

Her words send an uneasy jolt through the room, and she can’t even bear to look at any of them after saying it. Instead she sniffles, covering her eyes with her arm.

“Can someone _please_ get me my bag from Lars’s ship?” she asks blindly, in her best ‘I’m not crying’ voice. “I have fountain tears in a thermos.”

The room remains silent, with nothing but the thrum of alien machinery and a weak human heartbeat filling the air.

“I’ll do it,” Garnet finally says, turning to go without further question. She takes Spinel’s gem with her. Before she makes it into the hallway, she pauses in her step. “Remember: this isn’t about us.”

With that, she leaves them with their thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This scene actually wasn't over according to my notes but It was already well over my cut off point length-wise for a single chapter, so it's getting broken up here!
> 
> A lot of people already probably guessed that human Steven was in there, but the mystery is revealed! Also, it's scary and it sucks. This is pretty close to peak misery in this story I think, and it isn't going to keep on at this level, though we may revisit it a few times. I tagged Hurt/Comfort because I do want there to be comfort here, as well. Given the stress of things, some of the gems are revisiting old bad habits. Part of the story will be about dealing with that, in a situation where Steven is literally not capable of helping them.
> 
> Also, I added color/font to Pink Steven's dialogue - I don't know if I like it, yet. I might remove it or change it in the future.


	10. Cut Loose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Home is where your heart is.

It takes Greg ages to build up the courage to approach, or at least it feels like it. Connie is carefully applying ‘Diamond Essence’ to Steven’s wounds - both Stevens. First, to the bruises and cuts of the human part, and then ever so gently to the gem, cautiously trying to avoid triggering another violent response. Having his gem touched seems to bother him in particular. He may not have any facial expressions, but there is a wound up energy inside of that gem that Greg can sense.

He accepts this newfound aspect of his son, much like he’s accepted him turning into cats, or learning to fuse, or being a Diamond, or being taken away to space jail for reasons Greg can barely comprehend. There’s no point in fighting it or rejecting it, all he can do is try to understand.

So, Steven is two people. Or, he mentally corrects, not two people - two _half_ people, who make a whole. His human part, the part that is so easy to recognize and connect with, lacks the strength to function. The gem half…

He’d never really known what to assume about Steven’s gem. Honestly, he just didn’t want to think about it that much. The inner reality of the gem didn’t change who his son was, and didn’t change the life Rose had wanted him to live. Yet, there’s a strangeness to seeing the truth laid bare, seeing the fullness of Rose’s sacrifice, and seeing just how dependent Steven was on both parts of his being.

Gem Steven can barely operate on a social level, or even seem to remember most of them. If he can remember them, he no longer really seems to care. Or, maybe that’s an unfair observation, he thinks. Whatever gem Steven is feeling, he can’t seem to communicate it. Maybe all of that stuff stayed with his human half.

It’s hard to say, because his human body hasn’t been awake since they got here. That’s probably for the best, at the moment. Even as Connie wipes away physical injury with the fountain tears, there is a sickliness to him that looks painful. Bruising and blood vanishes and leaves behind cold, pale skin.

Greg wants very badly to hold him in his arms, either him, but the situation doesn’t allow it. He holds back for fear of somehow breaking his son worse than he already is. He watches with apprehension as Connie finishes applying the liquid to his gem. It’s hard to tell if anything is different.

“There,” Connie says, putting the thermos aside and raising her hands to show him she means no threat. “These tears can heal gems, remember? Maybe you can fuse now! Can you try?”

Steven’s gem stares at her, with no obvious sign of agreement. He let her apply the tears to him, but he can’t be readily convinced. He’s been laying at his twin’s side this entire time, doing nothing but watching for danger. 

“...Can you feel any difference?” Connie asks, increasingly lost as Steven gives her nothing to work with. “I know you said you were damaged, but… it might be fixed now.” 

More empty seconds pass by, until he slowly starts moving again. He pushes himself closer to his other half, resting their heads together, his other hand reaching up to cradle his human face. Starting with a shimmer of light around his gem, they begin to glow.

Their forms become bright, shifting and beginning to intermingle, until something goes wrong. Human Steven is awake, now - or at least, he’s awake enough to scream. His cry is truncated, as if he doesn’t have the strength to do more, and the sound fades into panicked whimpers. The glow dissipates. This attempt at fusion is over. 

What they are left with is gem Steven leaning over his other half with a strained expression, and human Steven panting and squirming, his eyes half lidded and rolled back in delirious pain. The hysteria of the moment is contagious.

“Steven!” Connie cries, moving forward to try to comfort his human part. Before she can get there, a barrier forces itself into the way, shielding the entire operating bed as Steven’s gem gives her a dangerous look. All the while, human Steven is in this state of barely conscious anguish, and his Gem has nothing to offer him.

This is about as much as Greg can take. He rushes to the barrier, pushing his hands against it.

“Please, Steven, let us in!” he begs, watching the human part of his son suffer on the other side. “He needs us. You need us.” Steven’s gem turns around to look at him, as if in challenge. “Please… you’re both my son. I just want to hold my son.”

When gem Steven acts, it’s without flourish or prelude. There are so few physical clues to work with, it’s impossible to tell when he will resist and when he will relent. In this case, Greg feels so very fortunate that he ends up doing the latter.

The shield folds away, vanishing. Greg carefully moves forward, getting down close to Steven’s human half and trying to look at him for signs of injury. Steven’s eyes are unfocused, unable to identify the people around him.

“Steven,” he says. “Steven, we’re here. We’ve got you.” Connie moves in to take Steven’s human hand, squeezing it gently as Greg focuses on trying to get him to recognize their presence. 

“Dad...?” Steven murmurs, already fading, as if the sharp spike of pain was the only thing keeping him awake. Regardless, Greg can hear the joy in Connie’s voice as they get that single word out of him.

“Steven!” She moves in closer, so that he can see her, too. All the while, Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl lurk in the background, anxiously holding back from rushing him as well. It’s painful to watch, but they have no way of knowing how his gem will tolerate it. For whatever reason, he’s decided that humans are not as much of a potential threat.

Human Steven tries to say something else, but his voice catches, devolving into a rattling cough. His breath is still too fast and harsh, but how can they possibly treat something as complete as him missing his primary life source? Greg is trying really hard to stay calm, but that all goes out the window when blood appears on Steven's lips and starts dribbling out of his nose.

Greg utters a deep sound of distress, punctuating with a whine of panic. Connie acts first. 

“Here!” she says, picking up the thermos of fountain water again. She twists it open, bringing the rim to Steven’s mouth. “Hold up his head so he can swallow!”

Greg slides his hand beneath his head, tilting it upward as Connie trickles healing tears down his throat. He can feel more of that scaly material along the back of Steven’s neck, woven into the base of his skull. His gut twists.

The blood sparkles away, and Steven’s breath becomes more even. As bitter as it is to have to feed your son your dead wife’s tears, at least it does the trick. Steven slips back into unconsciousness, but maybe that’s a good thing. In such a state of constant pain, maybe the best they can do is offer him rest. There’s a long few moments of silence, as they all try to regain their bearings.

“...I’m sorry, Steven,” Connie says, addressing his gem. “I didn’t realize fusing would hurt you so much.” He blinks at her once, and then lays down again, staring blankly at the ceiling.

“This isn’t fusion,” Garnet says, the first words she’s spoken in a while. Her voice is solemn, contemplative. “Fusion is a choice. These two… they can’t live like this.” She holds out her hands, looking at her gems. “It’s as if he’s been shattered.”

Pearl covers her mouth with her hands, shaking her head. Amethyst has withdrawn from the discussion entirely, sitting in a distant corner, her face buried in her hair. 

“We need to disconnect him from that machine,” Pearl says, forcing herself into action. “What if that… _thing_ is getting in the way of his gem?” She gestures warily at the manufactured umbilical cord still plugged into his belly. They’ve determined that it’s a life support system, but the full details are impossible to know.

“It’s a risk,” Garnet says, touching her visor with her hand. She considers the options. “...But it’s one we have to take. He can’t keep him here forever. Sooner or later, those reptiloids will be back for him.”

Even after what they’ve done, it would seem bold to come for Steven when there are two full sized Diamonds watching the perimeter. Greg isn’t going to question her on it, though. Connie looks at the thermos between her hands.

“...If we can keep curing the damage… can’t we just cut him free?” she asks. Just hearing that makes Greg feel woozy, so he focuses on Steven’s face, and tries to think of a time in the future where things will be better.

“It may be our only option,” Garnet concedes. “With no way to control these machines, we can’t unhook him naturally. Pearl.” Pearl looks at her, startled. “Use your weapon. It’s our best option for a fine cut.”

Now, Pearl is starting to lose her nerve.

“Garnet! What are you saying?” Pearl pleads. “We can’t just-”

“We have to,” Garnet says. “You have a delicate enough touch to do this cleanly. We will be able to stabilize him.” She puts a hand on Pearl’s shoulder. “Please. Trust me.”

Pearl swallows and nods, pulling a small version of her spear from her gem. Steven’s gem tenses, watching her. Greg reaches out to him, putting a hand over his. 

“Steven,” Greg says. “Pearl will look after you. You’re… You’re going to be okay.”

Pearl pauses, waiting for permission. When Steven’s gem doesn’t move to intercept, held back by Greg’s assurances, she moves in - with a careful slice, and tears in her eyes, she severs Steven from the cord. The heart monitor plummets into a drone of inactivity. 

Steven’s breath becomes laboured. 

For a while, everything is frantic. Connie pours more healing serum onto Steven’s belly, closing the open end of the cord. Pearl cuts the remaining material connecting Steven to the operating bed, and Greg feeds him another few drops of fountain water.

Yet, he still seems to be struggling. His gem watches, eyes wide and focused, and then moves in with intent. He embraces his human half again, and as he does, energy softly buzzes between them. It’s not fusion, but it’s something - and that connection seems to be enough to keep him afloat. With energy gifted from his gem, his life signs balance.

Greg had packed him clothes, just in case, but with clinging scales and organic machinery still hanging from him, getting him dressed seems impractical. The pajamas he was wearing upon his capture are long gone, though, and so Greg opts to wrap his partially exposed body in a blanket, keeping him warm and maybe a little bit secure. His gem watches him like a hawk the entire time, almost as if he’s confused by the gesture. 

Greg is about to scoop Steven up, when he gem leans in close, intensely engaged. Greg hesitates.

“Do you want to carry him?” he asks. Steven’s gem inclines his head, slipping off of the bed and carefully lifting his bundled up twin into his arms. That’s how they find themselves leaving the shelter, with a cast of gems waiting for them outside.

They all knew, at this point, that his human half was in there. That doesn’t really prepare anyone for the state he is in, coming out. Most of them seem to have no idea what to do with this information, or with the sight of a fully gem Steven holding his sickly human twin. Blue Diamond starts crying, though, so at least that’s expected.

Yellow Diamond, however, refuses to linger. She grits her teeth at the sight of him, and there is an element of antipathy to her reaction that’s hard to ignore.

“Finally,” she says, looking away. “Bring him to my ship. I will take him back to Homeworld.”

Unsurprisingly, Steven’s gem doesn’t seem interested in following that order. Neither does anyone else.

“No. He’s coming with us,” Garnet says. “He needs to be with his family.” Yellow Diamond bristles at that rejection, something that gives out bad vibes on a whole new level when she’s also fifty feet tall. Greg puts himself between her and the Stevens, more on impulse than anything else. After he’s done it, it feels unbelievably arrogant to think there is anything he can actually do about this.

“His ‘family’? White Diamond has _ordered_ that, upon recovery, he be brought back to her. Given that you _failed_ to defend him against his attackers in the first place, that duty clearly must fall to me.” As Yellow Diamond speaks, Greg notices Connie clenching her fists, stepping in the way of her as well. There is a strain in her expression that seems deeper than what’s being argued.

“Earth is his home,” Pearl cries, despite flinching along with the others at the Diamond’s accusation. 

“Earth?” Yellow Diamond scoffs. “It’s completely undefended! We thought we could allow him the freedom of his own colony, but now look what has happened. We never should have allowed him to return to that place...!”

“That isn’t your choice to make!” Connie yells. Yellow Diamond is taken back, her surprise ready to become aggression.

“Yellow, please,” Blue Diamond finally says, reaching out for her. Spinel's gem is resting in her other palm. “We have to think about Steven.” Yellow Diamond shrugs her off, some of that dismissive anger giving way to distress.

“All I’ve been doing is thinking of Steven!” she snaps. “Earth isn’t safe for him anymore. If they return there, nothing is stopping these beasts from taking him again-”

“...She’s right,” Garnet admits, a dull thud of a statement that causes everyone around her to blanch. Garnet doesn’t look very happy with it, either, stunned by her own perspective. “They will. They will come again.”

So many of the Crystal Gems looked ready to fight, but in the face of Garnet’s prediction, they fall back. The shame of the realization is unavoidable - that they conclusively aren’t enough to protect him.

“Then we will all go to Homeworld,” Blue Diamond says, straightening her back as she prepares to make the decision for everyone. “We will host as many of his Earth... family as we need to, and I will direct my gems to give him the best care we can offer.”

It feels like some of the Crystal Gems want to argue, just for the sake of it. Greg understands why none of them want to bow to the Diamond’s whims. For him, though, he just wants to move, to go anywhere that is better than here, and where Steven will be safe.

“Thank you,” he says, not meeting the Diamond’s eye.

Blue Diamond looks at Greg, and then away, extra blueness rising to her face. 

“Of course,” she says, demure.

Greg looks to Steven and his gem, his brow furrowing apologetically. Steven has been wary about gems in general, so he’s not sure how he’ll feel about going to the gem homeworld.

“Whaddya say, kiddo?” he asks, hoping that a casual tone will be calming. “Can we take you to Homeworld?” For several seconds, Steven’s gem is quiet. Greg leans down, to speak to him in a quieter tone. “I know you’re scared, but all of these guys just want to protect you… and your human part, too.”

Steven’s gem looks down at his twin, bundled in his arms. Dark scales and vein-like organic wiring still clings to his cheeks and the sides of his head. It takes a while for the decision to process.

”Okay,” he says, staring straight ahead. Greg exhales a wavering breath of relief. He reaches out and ruffles Steven’s pink, glowing hair.

The gem just stares back at him, with no reaction whatsoever. Greg withdraws his hand, feeling a bit embarrassed.

Well, it’s a start, anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, this chapter got so long and I didn't even get through all the material I wanted to. So, there is going to be a Greg Part 2 for the rest of it. Finally, we can start having some comfort alongside the hurt. Sort of.
> 
> As a general note, I'm focused on updating primarily between Mon-Thurs. Probably 2-4 times in that window depending on how quickly I get through stuff. The weekend seems like a bad time to post things.
> 
> Also! I'm doing some illustrations of events from the story, so I'll probably make a Tumblr side blog to post them at some point.


	11. Intermission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Greg returns for an encore.

Even after choosing the destination, there comes arguments about which spaceship Steven should be ferried with. It feels a lot like a divorced couple trying to decide who gets to keep the family dog by seeing who it goes to first - only Steven’s gem is even less invested. All the options probably look bad to him, Greg thinks.

Given that Steven has very little capacity to cooperate with the Diamonds at the moment, he ends up being handed over to the Sun Incinerator, the most neutral piece of territory. The Diamond ships will operate as an escort, ensuring its defense. Greg is fine with that, because all of Steven’s stuff was already in there - before leaving Earth they’d packed food, extra clothing, blankets, a spare mattress, and everything they could think of on such short notice.

That’s how he finds himself in a secluded area of the Incinerator, with bags of supplies spread open and two Stevens laid out on the mattress. Human Steven is still unconscious and wrapped in blankets, while his gem is just kind of existing. He curls at his twin’s side, watching Greg’s every move. At least he isn’t fighting anymore.

It won’t take as long to get back to Homeworld as it took to get here, but there’s some stuff they need to work on while they travel. Human Steven is stable, for now, but he’s a mess of dark alien gunk and invasive bio-wiring. It’s already taken hours to remove what quantity they’ve managed to. The scales are tough and almost impossible to tear for human hands, but they can be eased off the skin with careful ministrations. Connie has her camp burner on the go, heating up water to sponge clean the bare skin left behind.

It took some convincing, but Connie is taking her turn sleeping, now. Though she has been loathe to admit it, she’s still weakened by the lingering effects of poison. The girl needs her rest.

So did the Crystal Gems. Even with Steven’s gem in a much calmer state, things have been tense. Right now, they are in another area of the ship, hopefully finding some comfort in each other. None of them are happy, but Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl are obviously taking it the worst. Bismuth had corralled the others back to the leg ship to fly back, while the core trio came with Steven.

Greg is glad that they are all taking a break from watching him. Amethyst in particular keeps looking at Steven’s gem like he’s the enemy, and Greg knows how dysfunctionally that kind of resentment can manifest itself. 

So, right now it’s just him and… the boys?

Another benefit to being alone is that Greg can feel free to tend to Steven as needed without worrying about causing anyone embarrassment. It’s like Steven’s a little kid again, getting bathed by his dad. Except instead of a bubble bath and rubber ducks, it’s a sponge and a worn out mattress, with a body ravaged by abuse rather than splattered by mud puddles.

Greg gets misty eyed all over again, only pausing for a moment to compose himself. When he had committed to bringing Steven into the world, all those years ago, he had never imagined it would end up like this - that his child, that tiny baby boy, would be forced to endure such terrible pain. Had Rose known? Had she ever understood what this life would entail for him?

He can’t think about that right now. Instead, he finishes cleaning Steven’s human fingers, now bare and officially free of alien tech. He towels it off, and tucks it back beneath the blankets, ensuring he stays warm. 

Done with his limbs, he moves to the more complicated areas, methodically cleaning and thinking about nothing else. His relative zen is almost broken when his hand rests over the patch of severed tubing where his gem should be, lingering gingerly as he glances over to Steven’s other form. They meet eyes, but say nothing. Greg pushes onward.

It’s not perfect, in the end. Steven’s hair could use a better wash, and there are still stray bits of tech that were too stuck for Greg to remove safely. Yet, it’s way better than it was a few hours ago, and most of his skin has been cleared of his bondage. A pile of discarded, scaly material sits off to the side, as far out of sight as Greg can manage.

“Alright, mister,” Greg mumbles to his son, reaching for a set of spare clothes. “Time to get you dressed.” It’s amazingly difficult to dress someone who is completely limp, but Greg weathers it. He wiggles on a slightly oversized t-shirt and a set of spare pajama pants, tucking the blankets back around him when he’s done. 

In the end, he feels some amount of satisfaction with his work. Steven is clean, his wounds are healed, and he’s in a fresh set of clothes. Yet, any notion of true success falls short, when his son is still split in two, with one side tenuously clinging to life.

Now what?

It feels so quiet, now that his task is over. Steven’s gem is still staring at him, as if expecting something more. He doesn’t _have_ anything more, Greg wants to explain. This is all he can do. Instead, his hand rests on Steven’s human hair, gently beginning to run his fingers through it as he sleeps.

Softly, Greg begins to sing. There’s no particular theme to it, just a medley of lullabies and classic rock songs that had served as such, back in the day. He hopes that Steven can hear him, in whatever way that matters right now.

Slowly, Steven’s gem begins to take interest. He sits up, watching, and then eventually leaning over his twin to get a closer look. Confused, curious, annoyed - it’s impossible to say, and it ultimately doesn’t really matter. Greg feels rewarded to see this Steven show interest in anything at all.

Greg pauses in his song, smiling at him. Steven’s gem is watching his mouth, as if it is performing magic.

“Do you remember that?” he asks. “Do you like singing?”

“Singing,” gem Steven repeats. His gaze falls to the middle distance. “I remember.”

“You do?” Greg asks, perking up, a flood of validation rising in his chest. He shifts, fumbling around for something else he brought. It’s his guitar. It may have been frivolous, but when he was expecting that they may be on a spaceship for days, he wanted something familiar. It settles into his lap, his fingers easily moving over the strings. “What about this?”

Steven’s gem watches owlishly, hesitantly reaching to touch the strings. They make sound, and his shoulders bounce slightly, the limit of his reaction. Greg give him another encouraging smile, strumming a few chords.

“This is a guitar,” he says. “You use it to make music. You’d… well, uh, you’d usually know that, but if you don’t, that’s okay. I can show you.”

He delves into a song. Something familiar, he thinks. Something that Steven has heard before.

_“I could never be, I could never be, I could never be… ready for this.”_

Does this Steven remember when Greg shared this with him, does he remember the story that came with it? It’s like there’s a wall between Steven and the rest of the world, sometimes literally, but always figuratively. Greg glances downward, seeing the hands of the twins still entwined. There’s at least one thing they both understand.

_”Things start and things end, and isn’t it lovely in theory, but…”_

Is this gem really Steven, really the son he knows? Is the human half the only one that’s recognizable, or is it more complicated than that? How do you split a living being in half, and still have them go on? Can Steven’s gem feel hope or affection, on its own? Or does it simply want to survive?

_“I could never be, I could never be, I could never be ready.”_

As he finishes the first cycle, he finds himself going back to the start. His fingers glide over gentle chords, both boys still and quiet, one sleeping and the other watching with rapt attention. How could the world do this to someone so innocent? The next time around, his lyrics change.

_“Heart’s break and hearts mend, though it’s so much harder to believe it now."_

How was he going to fix this? Even if they can rejoin Steven two halves, what will he… will he ever be okay again? How could he be, with the world bearing down on him, and refusing to relent? Greg finds tears in his eyes, one breaking free down his cheek.

_“You could never be, you could never be, you could never be ready."_

Steven’s gem reaches out, touching Greg’s face, trailing fingers down his cheek. Greg can’t help but laugh, softly and sadly, his song winding towards a close. What is he thinking, Greg wonders? 

When he’s done, he puts aside the guitar. Gem Steven still seems enraptured, those wide, hollow eyes searching for meaning, and maybe for something to fill themselves with. Greg smiles, mustering up the same patience and hope that Steven had shown him over the years. He sidles onto the mattress with the two Stevens, gently lifting his human half’s head so that it can rest against his chest. He wraps his arms around him and the blankets, keeping him secure.

He feels Steven’s frail breaths move against him, as his Gem half shifts close, still holding his twin’s hand. Greg can practically feel the energy between them, begging to rejoin. If only he could figure out how to help them.

Greg inclines his head, quietly beginning to sing again, when he feels an unexpected weight against his shoulder. It’s Steven’s gem, leaning against him, almost as if mimicking his other half. His body carries a radiant warmth with it, like basking in sunlight. His expression is blank, staring outward, but the meaning of the gesture is clear.

Greg grins, unable to contain the happy tears this brings, and wraps his other arm around the gem, holding them all together. Gem Steven eases into it the embrace, very quietly mimicking a few lingering notes of Greg's song, sung in uncomprehending monotone before trailing off. Greg doesn't care. It lights him up inside. It's the most beautiful thing he's ever heard.

"You got it, Schtu-ball," he whispers, holding on tight.

With all three of them there, it’s almost like being a family again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really glad I didn't try to add this to the end of the other chapter like the original plan was. Yes, this was the content I desperately wanted to include. I just really enjoy this kind of trauma aftercare - little things like getting clean and warm after being in a terrible situation. 
> 
> Also it enabled me to include this "I Could Never Be Ready (Reprise)" idea. I love that song so much, and it fits the mood of this scene perfectly for my intentions.
> 
> In other news, trying to articulate which Steven is doing what is so difficult, but it doesn't really make sense to give them nicknames or anything, which would de-emphasize how they are both Steven, and neither one is intrinsically more entitled to be called Steven.
> 
> Anyway, this is a good 'Intermission' because it's also probably about half way through my planned material.


	12. Precious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yellow Diamond delivers the news.

It’s with no small amount of trepidation that Yellow Diamond travels to White Diamond’s head. It’s only been two short years since White left its constant embrace, but she supposes she must have let herself grow accustomed to their newfound sense of togetherness too quickly. This is the first major disaster of Era 3, and already White is sequestering herself. The one key difference, Yellow supposes, is that this time there is nothing barring her from entering.

Technically, anyway. Maybe it is simply a trained reflex at this point, but she is not expecting a warm welcome.

Her Pearl walks alongside her, carrying Spinel’s gem. She has been catching Yellow up on news that she missed while she was searching for Steven. In her Diamond’s absence, she had been left as the main point of contact.

This level of responsibility is still new, but Yellow can’t say she regrets it. As Steven has explained to her many times, it was really only unnecessary preconceptions that prevented gems from doing more than their role had implied. He often held up Pink Diamond’s last Pearl as the perfect example of this: a servant gem that had mastered combat and engineering with sheer persistence, with skills rivalling gems born for those purposes.

It was hard to deny. Though in the past that sort of thinking would have filled her with wary agitation, knowing that it represented something that would turn their entire Empire on its head, now… she simply doesn’t need to feel that way. It’s too late to avoid that, isn’t it? Things have already been turned upside down. With so much changing already, it’s hard to imagine how any one new piece of information could make things worse.

Besides, Yellow Pearl, true to Steven’s assertions, has shown an aptitude for management. Far more than she ever would have been allowed before. It almost made Yellow Diamond feel foolish.

All this time, she had refused to acknowledge tactical resources that had laid right beneath her nose. She doesn’t like feeling irrational. It isn’t what she was built for. As a Diamond, she was made to rule, and yet her own directives had caused her to fail in ways she never understood. White Diamond wasn’t the only one capable of being a little bit defective, apparently.

It still makes her angry, sometimes. Angry at herself, angry at White, and sometimes even at Steven for making her feel this way. With the old world order, she wouldn’t have to consider these things, not for herself and not for anyone else. Yet, that sort of thinking was cowardice, wasn’t it? To know of a better way and to not pursue it. 

For all the good this optimistic perspective did Steven. She clenches her teeth bitterly as they walk, just thinking about it - and thinking about what she has to report to White. She should have known that things seemed too good to be true, that they could show this level of vulnerability without paying a price.

When they arrive at the entrance, Yellow hesitates. She glances down to her Pearl.

“And White hasn’t left her chamber?” she confirms, warily. 

“No, My Diamond,” her Pearl confirms. “All White Diamond orders have come from within.”

“Of course,” Yellow says, not bothering to conceal her own weariness with the concept. She waves a hand. “If Blue Diamond sends for me, tell her I am preoccupied. Though, I expect this will be brief.”

White has been alerted she is coming. As usual, the only way to enter this place is for her to willfully bubble you in. Thankfully, the gem matriarch will at least grant her that. As the bubble forms around her, Yellow closes her eyes.

When she opens them, she is inside White’s head. Shades of shimmery monochrome fills its halls, and a far buried anxiety plagues Yellow’s thoughts. White herself is turned away from her ostensibly staring off into nothing - or at least it would seem that way, if you didn’t know better. White has ways of observing and interacting with her Empire that transcends simple technology. Her arms are at her sides. At least that much is different.

“Yellow,” she says, in that way that is both fond and cold all at once. “Has Pink Diamond returned?”

Yellow is caught a bit off guard. It’s been a while since any of them referred to him as that, even accidentally. Part of her wants to correct the mistake, but the rest of her doesn’t dare.

“...It was as I suspected,” Yellow says. “He was in the hands of the enemy. I have every reason to believe that it was a new generation of the reptiloid species responsible-”

“The reptiles,” White Diamond says, spinning around to face her with a whirl of her cape. Yellow flinches. “Of course it would be those _brutes_... Survived, once again. You had told me they were eliminated, Yellow.”

“Their homeworld was destroyed!” Yellow says, feeling the strain of White’s gaze. “I had never claimed their complete annihilation, only that they were no longer a threat-”

“And you were wrong,” White says. No anger shows on her face, only the gentle incredulousness of a scolding parent. “And now they have made an embarrassment of us, and the entire Empire. They have humiliated the Diamond Authority. A fate more disgraceful than if Pink Diamond had perished by the sword of her own soldiers.”

Yellow isn’t sure she can agree with that. Damaged or not, Steven persists, and with any grace he will be repaired with time. She has to think that his survival is more important than simple presentation.

She shifts uncomfortably. She had reported ahead of their return, telling White that Steven had been ‘wounded’ and seemingly experimented upon by the reptiloid forces. It had seemed like strategically relevant information. However, she hadn’t quite gone into detail about his exact status. 

“White Diamond,” Yellow begins, choosing every word carefully. “Steven is more to this Empire than a figurehead. He has been instrumental in the restructuring of the hierarchy… you yourself have expounded upon the virtues of his ideals.”

White remains silent, which is the only thing prompting Yellow to try her luck.

“We have brought him home, and while his condition may be… challenging…” To say the least. Yellow is still a bit sore about having been bowled over by the raw strength of his gem, and has no idea what to think of the human husk it’s left behind. “It would seem… irrational… to be ungrateful for his return. Haven’t we lost enough?”

“We have,” White says, making a grand gesture with her hand and resting it upon her gem. “Which is why I fear the blame may fall to me. I’ve enabled your delusions - all three of you.”

“White!” Yellow gasps, genuine dread escaping into her voice. They’ve been so happy recently. The feeling that it could be slipping away, that everything White had allowed them could be taken back, is terrifying. “You can’t…”

“Now, Yellow,” she says. “I think I am being more than fair. I have been incredibly open minded to these new ways, but there is clearly a place where I must draw the line. Our young Starlight has had such fantastical ideas… it has been so lovely to indulge in them… but in the face of new information, I must draw new conclusions.”

Yellow’s mind is racing, torn between dissent and remorseful acceptance of blame. If they hadn’t allowed Steven to get so carried away, would this have happened? If she’d had the military might on hand to find him sooner, could he have been retrieved in one piece? Or if he had stayed on Homeworld where he belongs, would he have been taken at all?

“It’s not as if I want to discard _all_ of these changes,” White continues. “But to think, that we have deliberately _weakened_ ourselves, only to allow the enemy in to take from us what is most precious… I have always known that Pink’s essence was prone to folly. Such beauty, but such imperfection…” White turns her case on Yellow, a sharpness in her eyes that wasn’t there before. “It is my duty to guide that light, and yet we’ve allowed it to nearly be snuffed out.” When she speaks, it’s with a severity that makes Yellow’s gem ache.

“We must ensure that this **never happens again.**”

“Yes, White,” Yellow surrenders, inclining her head. “I… understand.”

“Good,” White Diamond says, her glib smile returning. “Now, return to Blue Diamond and see that… _Steven’s_ treatment is administered correctly. I will be speaking to all of you soon.”

Yellow almost turns and walks away with no further resistance, but there is one very important thing that hasn’t been mentioned. It pains her to pursue it, but she would like it even less to be scolded for not speaking of it sooner.

“White…” she says. “When Steven was found, his… gem had been removed. From his human component.” White, who had been just about to get back to work, freezes in place. “That… human child, he associates with. She said that she had seen it before… that… that you, White, had…”

White’s eyes widen, her silver pupils paling in her light. Yellow can’t force herself to continue.

“The gem…” White says, distant. Yellow had spent all this time thinking that she was going to ask White what had happened, that she would pursue it as far as she had to, but she wasn’t prepared to face a White so close to overturning everything they had worked towards. Now, she doesn’t dare push.

“...It was said that they could be rejoined but… they haven’t,” Yellow adds carefully. “Something about his hybrid structure has been disrupted. The Iolites are searching for solutions. The gem itself is… ” She doesn’t know how else to put it. “Without paradigm.” 

“I see…” White says, faintly.

“As you know, a gem without filter, is… unstable,” Yellow explains. “Combined with a Diamond’s power, it was enough to stagger Blue and I at once. If it continues at this rate… it could cause itself more damage than can be repaired.”

White looks away from her, a hand at her chin. Yellow feels as if there is something about White’s reaction that she’s missing, but she doesn’t question it.

“Thank you for your report, Yellow,” she says. “Do let me know if his condition… worsens. If the gem cannot be restored, we will have no choice but to pursue other options.”

“Of course, White,” Yellow says, though the implication worries her. White smiles, and turns away.

“Wonderful. See you soon, Yellow.”

Moment later, and Yellow Diamond has been bubbled back out into the entrance way. Her Pearl, of course, is patiently waiting. Spinel’s formless gem is still waiting too, though that is no surprise.

“My Diamond,” Yellow Pearl says, attempting to salute while also keeping hold of Spinel’s gem. It doesn’t go well. “Did your meeting go as you hoped?”

“It certainly could have been worse,” Yellow grumbles. White is teetering on the edge of something frightening, but at least she hasn’t fallen off yet. “Any news from Blue Diamond?”

“Steven has been taken in for ‘surgery’,” her Pearl says, obviously unfamiliar with the word. “The Iolites expect it will be three to five hours for the procedure to be complete. Once his...” she squints at the report she has brought up, “...biological half has been cleansed, they will resume their attempts to rejoin his gem.” Her Pearl clearly understands nothing of how Steven functions, but that is fine.

“And what _of_ his gem?” Yellow asks. “Is it still autonomous?”

“...According to the reports,” he Pearl says warily, “the Pink Diamond gem has already dissipated multiple Iolites during their efforts to analyze Steven’s biology.”

Yellow pinches the bridge of her nose.

“Were any gems cracked while attempting this?” she asks, her gem buzzing with irritation.

“No, my Diamond,” her Pearl clarifies quickly. “All damage was purely superficial!”

“Fantastic,” Yellow Diamond says. “Blue will have to handle this. I still have arrangements to make with the investigative teams examining the Omega sector colonies. Walk with me, Pearl...”

Just as Yellow is reaching down to give her Pearl a ride, the gem in her hands begins to glow. Yellow Pearl startles, stepping back as Spinel’s gem lifts off, hovering in the air as its form cycles through several upright, rounded calibrations, only to twist and turn, reemerging with a fully new one.

Many things are still the same, but her legs and top seem to be designed differently, with stockings and suspenders that frame her gem. Yellow has changed her appearance modifiers occasionally, but it was never something she paid much attention to. She supposes that freedom to tailor one’s appearance modifiers was one of those things that Steven was enthusiastic about.

Of course, Spinel doesn’t look all that pleased with herself when she reappears. Though, she still manages a comedically over the top reaction of surprise when she sees Yellow leaning over her.

“Yellow Diamond!” she yelps.

“Welcome back, Spinel,” Yellow says, leaving her palm open for both her and Yellow Pearl. “Come. I’ll fill you in on the way.” Spinel looks around, stunned, but bounces into her hand regardless.

“Wow… we’re back home already?” she says.

“Yes, though it’s only been about thirty hours since your dissipation,” Yellow says. 

“And… Steven…?” It’s not hard to see Spinel’s strain as she asks that question. Worry, fear, embarrassment. Yellow feels similarly, though she’s less inclined to show it. She stands, carrying her two passengers. 

“He’s been recovered, with no other casualties.” 

Spinel flops down onto her butt, wiping her brow.

“Phee-ew,” she says. “You know, I really thought I was a goner, for a minute there.”

“Yes,” Yellow Diamond agrees. “I… had my own concerns. It would have been disappointing to see you shattered, Spinel.”

“Aw, gee…” Spinel says, and while she hides it well, Yellow notices she is tearing up a little. She points to her cheeks. “I’d blush, but I’m already pink.”

Hah, Yellow Diamond thinks has they head towards her command center. It's because humans blush pink, don't they? That's one thing they and White have in common.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was really hard because I had to set some stuff I was unsure about in stone, and also because it was primarily writing characters that I am the least familiar with. I really -like- writing Yellow Diamond, but we also know way less about her than most characters. And White. And Spinel. Oh boy.
> 
> White Diamond is the biggest mystery, honestly. For her, I'm doing a lot of my own extrapolations. I still don't know whose POV the next chapter is going to be from but hopefully it will be easier than this one.


	13. Filtered Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spinel understands nothing.

Spinel estimates she is more clueless than average about all of this stuff. She was made to be someone’s friend, after all, and the first time she did anything besides that was when she stole said friend’s weapons of mass destruction and tried to kill her colony, her friends, and her son for good measure. Spinel’s experience really amounts to those two extremes with very little in between.

She’d been outside of her gem for a half hour, and life was already dragging. Yellow Diamond explained ‘the situation’ with Steven and Spinel ended up feeling stupid for trying to pacify a gem that was innately unreasonable. Is that hypocritical? Maybe that’s hypocritical. 

After Yellow Diamond started really getting into her command station business, Spinel had politely excused herself, trying to navigate back towards Blue Diamond and the Crystal Gem guests. Having that whole happy family visiting feels more than a little bit weird, even if they don’t actually have much to be happy about at the moment. They probably won’t be excited to see her, regardless.

So, why is she going? Probably because she has no idea what else she’s supposed to do. Minding her own business would be a tantalizing option, but that doesn’t really cut it, does it? She promised herself she would make an effort, so she’s going to.

Yellow mentioned that everyone was hanging out in Blue’s private facilities, so that’s where she heads, though it’s a part of it that she’s never been before. It turns out Yellow Diamond isn’t the only one interested in science. Blue even made an entire type of gem for that specific purpose, and gave them a sizable laboratory to work in, even if the Diamond-sized architecture towers over the actual equipment. At least, in the places that Blue intended to visit.

As it turns out, when Spinel arrives in what can only be described as Blue Diamond’s Science Bunker, it’s one of those very Iolites holding court. Impromptu seating has been set up in a circle around them, filled with Steven’s entourage. There are screen projecting impossible to comprehend information. There are diagrams. Peridot is taking notes. As the doors slide shut behind her, Spinel gets the impression that she’s walked in during the middle of an entire production.

In the far corner, Blue is sitting on the floor, looming over everything with a studious frown. When she sees who has arrived, though, her look brightens, if only for a moment.

“Oh, Spinel! You’re back!” she says softly. Everyone else in the room looks at her with less charitable expressions, ranging between bafflement and the impatience of being interrupted. The Iolite, mid-sentence at this point, freezes. 

“Uh…” Spinel says, and then jerks a thumb towards the door. “I can… come back later?”

“Oh, that’s quite alright!” the Iolite says, clapping her hands together. “If a new student has arrived, I can simply start from the beginning!”

“Please don’t,” Amethyst groans, melting over her chair. Several others exhale tensely. 

“Of course,” Blue Diamond says, offering the Iolite a permissive gesture. Then, she pats the floor next to her, looking at Spinel with a tiny, sad smile. “This is important information.”

Spinel gulps, and reluctantly heads over, staring at the ground to avoid the feeling of eyes being on her. Once she flops down, Blue makes a gesture, and the floor abruptly rises up beneath her, forming chair. She yelps, and then covers her mouth.

“Whoops,” she mumbles, looking at the presentation. Are those… pictures of Steven?

“Wonderful!” the Iolite says, turning back to the group. “Let me review my notes!”

This one looks like a Blue Iolite, which Spinel only sort of knows about, mostly in the context of the ‘Human Colony’ that Blue Diamond talks about sometimes. Much like Peridots are designed to be engineers, Iolites are designed to be researchers, for everything from social trends to alien species. Batches of them are primarily made with mixed portions of Blue Diamond and Pink Diamond essence. 

Pure blue ones are understood to be more sensible and organized, usually taking leadership and administrative roles. Purple ones… well, they tend to have the biggest breakthroughs, but are also the highest collateral damage. More than once Blue Diamond has had to leave abruptly to attend to the results of an Iolite’s ‘ingenuity.’ It’s not hard to guess where they get _that_ from.

Most of these ones are at least as old as Spinel herself. After all, for thousands of years there wasn’t much pure Pink Diamond essence to go around. 

Iolites are tall and dexterous with long, spidery limbs. There is the lurking impression that, if not given something to do, they will inevitably start climbing all over the walls. At this point, Blue Iolite has finished going over her notes, and begins to speak again in earnest.

“If you are just now arriving, we’ve been going over our exciting new findings in _Hybrid Biology._ As of right now, there is only _one_ hybrid gem - and that is, of course, the much celebrated Pink Steven Diamond!” She gestures at one of her diagrams, which is an anatomical drawing of Steven, with a bunch of labels that Spinel can’t make out. “This is our first major opportunity to examine him, and though his present condition results in an unideal sampling, it has created a fascinating phenomenon that we may have entirely missed out on otherwise!”

Spinel looks around, feeling like she can’t be the only one who finds this a bit overly jovial, give the subject matter. If the Crystal Gems weren’t impatient before, they definitely are now.

“Why _didn’t_ you look at him before, anyways?” Peridot drawls, tapping at her note pad. “He’s completely unlike anything Homeworld has ever seen before!”

“We thought it… would be rude,” Blue Diamond admits, sheepishly. “Though, I wonder if I shouldn’t have asked him to allow us sooner. Maybe this would be easier if we had this information in advance…”

“We may not have satisfactory analysis of his complete form,” Blue Iolite says, “but his divided self is equally unprecedented! At least… in this form. As I explained before-”

“At great length,” Lapis Lazuli sighs.

“-when it comes to the synthesis of a new gem, we must always consider the ‘Three P’s’... That is: properties, projection, and paradigm! Properties are, of course, the innate powers available to a gem, based on its gem-type’s material structure. Projection is the standard construction and flow of a gem’s light form. And, of course, the most important… paradigm! A paradigm is everything that makes us tick, and is the optimized perception and execution of role that all gems are made with!

“A paradigm is what grants a gem the knowledge they need to function. It’s how a Quartz knows how to fight, and how a Bismuth knows how to build, and how an Iolite maintains their unfailing wit! Of course, with Blue Diamond’s new research grants, we have discovered more and more compelling evidence suggesting that a paradigm can be expanded with time and experience…!”

Nobody here seems at all shocked by that revelation of this point. Even Spinel has had plenty of experience with change - even if hers had mostly been of the ‘clown to killer’ variety. She leans back in her chair, kicking her legs.

“All of these traits together create a gem’s filter,” Blue Iolite continues, “which is the facet through which a gem’s light passes. All gems are primarily self powered, and all of them are designed with the light of the Diamonds at their core. But what does this have to do with Pink Steven Diamond, you ask?!”

“Nobody asked,” Amethyst heckles.

“Just ‘Steven’ is fine, Iolite,” Blue Diamond says.

“Well,” Blue Iolite goes on, as if no one said anything, “the former Pink Diamond gem is without most of these functions! The light of the gem seems to have been rerouted to filter primarily through the hybrid’s organic components, and so without them… the paradigm and even the projection of the gem are completely unrefined. Presumably the form has learned to match the complexities of its biology half, but beyond basic sensory and communication systems, the paradigm is blank!”

“Well, yes,” Pearl urges. “But, please… what does this tell us about how we could get them to fuse again?"

“Oh, um…” Blue Iolite pauses, flipping through her notes again. “Through some manner of ‘tampering’, it’s possible that the gem’s light and the filter of the human biology could have been desynchronized. Human bodies are actually quite complex, you know. We’re nowhere near a full understanding of how gem-light and these organic components intermingle, but it’s not hard to imagine that even minor fluctuations could through it all off.”

“You mean you haven’t even learned anything yet?!” Peridot whines, throwing up her hands.

“Currently, our priority is in ensuring the health of his human half,” Blue Iolite says, turning up her nose. “The extraction of foreign materials is currently at 83%, and it has been approximately one hour since the Pink Diamond gem last attempted violence against our technicians.”

“...He really doesn’t like that, huh,” Bismuth asks, crossing her arms ruefully. 

“Fortunately, his human companions have served as adequate distractions, while we focus on our work. If the gem has any remaining paradigm at all, it is to protect and return to its other half at all costs.” Blue Iolite ponders, and then shrugs. “Of course, it’s hard to say without having an opportunity to fully analyse the actual gem.”

“That’s unlikely to happen,” Garnet says. 

“Right,” Bismuth says. “Your lab here isn’t all that different from the place we found him. Paradigm or no paradigm, you probably look a lot like the reptiles that were messing with him before.”

So, the gem Steven has been like that towards everyone, then. Spinel frowns to herself, ruminating over her attempt to quell him with the benefit of hindsight. Of course he didn’t like her grabbing him like that! How would _she_ have acted if anyone had tried to trap her in the heat of the moment? Stupid.

What were those aliens even doing to the guy? It couldn’t have been pleasant. Not with the way he’s ended up. Worse than a few punches to the face, for sure. 

“So… why did they do this to him?” Spinel asks, to a room that’s gone quiet. “Was it really just to get back at the Diamonds?”

“The reptiloid species has warred with us for as long as most can remember,” Blue Diamond says, almost like she’s embarrassed by that fact. “We thought we had finally been rid of them, back before you were created… but it seems that more than we expected escaped, scattered out towards the stars.”

“No wonder,” Bismuth huffs, something dark behind her eyes. “You tried to wipe out their entire species. Of course they’d take it out on the smallest one of you. It sends you a message. That you’re not as untouchable as you thought.” She averts her gaze, grumbling. “And as usual, Steven’s the one that gets to deliver it.”

Blue Diamond’s expression shifts, as if she might become angry. To challenge a Diamond like that would have been unthinkable, not that long ago. Yet, in the end, she only looks away, with a resigned sort of melancholy.

“...I wouldn’t expect you to understand,” she says. “At their height, the reptiloid forces could have matched our own. White had always said… that they were all the evidence we needed for why control must be maintained. That any crack in our Empire could be the vulnerability that shattered us all.” She sighs wistfully. “...But that was long ago. The Empire has changed, now more than ever.”

“You just gonna let bygones be bygones, then?” Bismuth asks. Now Blue can’t help but give in to her reaction, looking at Bismuth with simmering anger. Garnet interrupts.

“It won’t be that simple,” she says. “Peace can only be made if both sides want it.”

“_Peace,_” Blue Diamond repeats, unbelieving. “In all my time, they have never asked for peace. And with what they’ve done to Steven, I...” She brings her hand up to cover her mouth, holding back tears. Spinel can feel Blue’s aura bubbling, threaten to spill out into the rest of the room. Thankfully, she contains it. “I cannot abide by this.”

“Well good!” Amethyst says, sitting up. “Because I’m sure not abiding by it, either.”

Spinel feels lost. Do any of these guys _want_ revenge? Would they really just shake hands with the aliens that tortured their Diamond? Or are they all just talking in circles around the idea so none of them have to say it, one way or the other?

Steven would hate it, she’s pretty sure. She hardly knows the guy in comparison, but she can easily say that much.

It’s at this point that another Iolite gem, which Spinel just now notices has been laid out on a nearby table, rises up and begins to reform. The gem settles at the forehead of their body, light flaring white, and then purple. Then, the Iolite is back.

“Phew!” the Iolite says, in a cheerful sort of way. “The penetration ability of that gem is incredible. One hand and - poof! I was gone!”

“Of course,” Blue Iolite says, with purely academic interest. “The unfiltered light of a Diamond has incredible power, even with such a diminutive size! Unfortunately… that means the wear and tear of its use must also be incredible. It would be for the best that we avoid inspiring them to flex their abilities anymore than necessary. It’s just so inefficient, to be designed that way...”

“What?” Amethyst says, suddenly attentive. “You mean... he’s going to hurt himself?”

“Potentially,” Blue Iolite admits. “It’s the way his form is being projected. You’ll notice that most gems, besides White Diamond herself, don’t emit light as such an uncontrolled rate. And from what we’ve been told, the power he displayed when being confronted by Blue Diamond can only be accounted for by essentially ‘overclocking’ his own light source!” She waves a hand uncertainly. “Diamond light is an essentially endless resource, but with so much filtering through at once, it’s possible that gem structure could be damaged on a fundamental level.”

“That power I felt…” Blue Diamond murmurs. “At one point, long ago… Yellow had experimented with creating gems that would project light at similarly uncontrolled rates. The study was ended when it became clear that it was too unpredictable, and a waste of good materials.” She shakes her head. “Occasionally, flaws in creation cause paradigms to be corrupted, or to never emerge. But, to have both at once…”

Spinel exhales. This is honestly all way beyond her. She was never made for this sort of thing. Whatever Blue is describing, though, it sounds like it must be bad - definitely bad, if you go by the wary faces that some of the Crystal Gems are making.

“You mean like Amethyst?” Peridot asks suddenly. Several people look at her, with Amethyst’s reaction being the most visceral.

“What?” Amethyst snaps.

“Your paradigm, I mean! When you were rejuvenated, you seemed to have no role system build into you at all! I’m just saying, maybe Steven’s gem feels the same way.”

“Rejuvenated?” Blue Diamond asks, a critical eye suddenly being cast in Peridot’s direction. “The Empire hasn’t employed rejuvenators for thousands of years…”

“Oops,” Peridot says softly.

Spinel makes a laboured sound, completely caught off guard. She clutches the edge of her seat.

“U-Uh…” she says. “Why not?”

“The effects were unreliable,” Blue Diamond explains. “We had hoped that replicating Pink’s properties could save gems that otherwise would have been broken…” She trails off, cupping her cheek in her hand, shame in her eyes. “...But it never lasted. Not for long.”

“_Pink Diamond_ made those things?” Pearl asks, jolting upright.

“She didn’t build them, no,” Blue Diamond says. “But the same way Yellow’s energy is replicated for disruptor devices, we had sought to use her rejuvenating power to make a gem as if it were new.” She’s looking away from them all, lost in her thoughts. “She was in favour of the idea, at the time. She never did like to lose gems...”

“...Especially not when she was the one leading them into revolt,” Bismuth adds, dryly. Spinel has her own issues with Pink Diamond, but even beyond that, it seems that she was orchestrating one hell of a con job.

“Let’s not discuss this any further,” Blue Diamond says, wiping away a tear as she moves to stand. Spinel can’t help but experience a wave of relief, no matter how sad she sounds. “Iolite, once the operation is complete, please focus your efforts on finding a way to correct Steven’s disruptions. Make his gem understand that we are only trying to help him.”

“Well…” Blue Iolite says, scratching her head. “We will do our best!” The newly reformed Iolite scurries off in the direction of the labs, where Steven is presumably being worked on, while his human friends do their best to keep his gem from going off the handle. Blue Iolite goes back to her calculations.

Blue Diamond moves to leave, and instead of following her, Spinel lingers. Everyone here is clearly agitated, getting up from their chairs and starting to mingle, the lesson adjourned. Bismuth and Pearl are hugging it out. Peridot and Amethyst seem to be having a hushed but hectic conversation with each other, while Lapis watches. And Garnet - whoa, okay, Garnet is right in her face!

“Spinel,” Garnet says, having snuck up on her. “I wanted to thank you for trying to calm Steven. If you hadn’t interrupted, it’s possible that my gems could have been damaged.” Spinel is even more caught off guard by that than her sudden appearance. 

“Don’t mention it,” she says. “What’s a little poofing between friends? Or, um. Former enemies…?”

“We’ll get there,” Garnet says, with a knowing half smile. 

“Really…?” Spinel asks, visibly unsure. Garnet calmly gives her a thumbs up. Spinel's eyes widen.

“Really.”

Spinel shakily gives her a thumbs up in return, before Garnet heads back to the rest of the group. Frustration and dismay seems common, but Spinels head is somewhere else. She sinks back, still stunned.

Maybe it was worth it, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALL THE WORLD-BUILDING YOU NEVER ASKED FOR. Also, an Iolite is finally revealed, after being mentioned as far back as chapter 1. They aren't super important or anything, I just needed to make up something to fill the role of scientist gems, specifically ones that would be adept at learning about biology.
> 
> I actually had no idea which POV to write this from until like two days ago when I suddenly realized that it actually really was a good idea to do Spinel again. I actually like how this turned out so I guess that went well. Thankfully most chapters have a planned POV. Next one is Amethyst.
> 
> Thanks for all the comments and kudos and everything! I brightens my day every time.


	14. Sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sleeping is one of the best things a human can do.

If there’s one word that can be used to describe this weird, pinker Steven, it’s ‘relentless’. After the surgery, Connie and Greg had come back with him exhausted - it had been a constant battle to keep him from tearing apart every Iolite working on his human half and running away with his own unconscious body. The sight of part of him being operated on by strange aliens was apparently too familiar with him tolerate. Amethyst guesses she can understand that.

She’s been trying to understand. She really has. It’s just that everything Steven’s gem does is so far removed from her understanding of who Steven Universe is, it’s hard to believe that he was ever a part of it. It makes her angry. He’s clueless, ruthless, insensitive, and unwilling to listen to reason. Her first attempt to reach out to him was met with a murder attempt. 

Why is _he_ the one they have to deal with? Why is his gem the one that gets to be walking around, causing problems, while his human half struggles to stay alive? ‘It isn’t fair’ is a thought she’s been having a lot recently, practically playing on repeat in her head. 

Even now that the surgery is over, Steven’s gem isn’t really doing anything helpful. They’ve all been brought into a new level of the laboratories, where they can be with Steven’s human half. He’s dressed again, set up on the most comfortable and spacious kind of hospital bed Homeworld can manage, with a few different gem devices keeping him stable. With how gleaming and regal Blue Diamond's private areas are, he almost looks like one of those sleeping fairytale princesses. Gem Steven, in contrast, has been looming over everything, getting in the way, and obnoxiously ogling anyone who dares get close to him.

Amethyst has been trying. She just wants to be close to him - or at least, the half that reminds her of him at all. Yet, every time she does, that pink jerk gets up in her grill.

“Hey, do you mind?” she growls, holding Steven’s human hand as his gem half leans over her, staring vacantly. “I’m not even doing anything, so you can back off, alright? Why don’t you bug her?” She gestures dismissively at Connie, who is dozing against the foot of the bed. Her and Greg never seem to have these problems with him, and it’s starting to piss her off.

Gem Steven doesn’t seem interested. Instead, he reaches out, grasping a hand around Amethyst’s shoulder. She flinches, shrugging him off and getting out of the way. 

“Fine! Geez,” she backs off, and fear thrums in her gem, no matter how much she doesn’t it want to. Steven’s gem stares back at her, with his arm still half extended, like he’s only barely realized that she moved. “I never did nothin’ to you, so I don’t know where you get off looking at me like _I’m_ the dangerous one!”

She leaves him standing there, stomping towards the back of the room. All the while, Steven’s human part is silent, unconscious and unmoving. His body is clean and free of alien implants, but it doesn’t make it any harder to see him like this. Even his human half looks like a ghost of himself.

Amethyst flops down into one of the chairs lined up around the bed, where some of the others are waiting in silence. Greg has been playing soothing guitar music for a few hours now, with no sign of stopping. He almost seems like he’s in a some kind of music trance before she speaks to him.

“Aren’t you tired?” she asks him, eager to think about anything else. He smiles frailly, shrugging a shoulder as he continues to strum. 

“Eh… I did the wedding circuit for a while. You get used to it.” He looks exhausted, regardless. Amethyst makes a note to bully him into sleeping if he doesn’t give it up soon.

“Um… Amethyst,” comes an uncertain voice. It’s Peridot, who has come over to take the seat beside her. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but… maybe you should… go a bit easier on the pink Steven.”

“Huh?” she asks, her brow furrowing, ready to take offense. Peridot seems to sense that, and holds up her hands. 

“I’m only saying…! That… maybe he can’t help being the way he is. Like the Iolites were saying, his paradigm-”

“Yo, I’m still pissed about that, by the way,” Amethyst grumbles. Her and Peridot had a spat about it immediately after. Publicly calling out her deformities to make a point, in front of a Diamond of all people, was not at all cool.

“But that’s what you don’t understand!” Peridot says, her volume rising. “He’s like you! And - he’s like me!” Amethyst doesn’t hide her skepticism.

“What are you talking about?” 

“He can’t do the same things that other gems can!” Peridot is speaking in a loud whisper, not wanting to make a scene but absolutely wanting to be heard. “He’s just not built the same way. It’s not like he’s trying to be like this. Have you considered that, um… that maybe you’re taking this all a little bit personally?”

Amethyst pulls back, her expression shifting from annoying to something closer to actual dismay. She knows she’s not necessarily handling it the best, but to have it laid out like that, it’s hard not to feel like she’s screwing this up. She slouches back in her chair, hugging herself.

“It’s just… not Steven, man,” she says, though she’s losing confidence in her own vitriol.

“I know,” Peridot says, leaning in closer. “But… if he really doesn’t have a paradigm, then… maybe you’re the one that could understand him, more than anyone.”

Amethyst glances away. She doesn’t really like thinking about that aspect of herself, especially not after it was practically used as a weapon against Steven. It made her useless to him, it made her unable to be there for him like she’d wanted. She was a clueless little blob when she’d emerged, and yet Steven had been there, once again, singing to her and smiling at her and patiently holding her hand while she remembered who she was supposed to be.

It clicks, and in the same instant, tears are bubbling in her eyes. This time, Steven is the one staring blankly back at her, and she isn’t smiling _or_ singing. 

“Peridot,” she says, burying her face in her hands. “I’m the worst.”

“Pfft, no way.” Peridot grins sympathetically, trying to brush it off. “The _worst_ would be ignoring my extremely thoughtful advice.”

Amethyst rubs at her face, trying to get rid of those treacherous tears. This isn’t the time to be crying for herself. In fact, she doesn’t need to be crying at all. After a few moments of cleaning up her mess, she looks at Peridot intently.

“So… you really think it’s the same?” she asks.

“Well… usually when a gem is late to emerge, it’s because of a paradigm malfunction. The version of you that emerged didn’t have any of the instinctive Quartz traits that a role system would provide, so you were trying to adapt by mimicking other creatures. The pink Steven seems even worse off than you were. He doesn’t know anything, and he doesn’t know how to learn, either.” Peridot makes a helpless gesture. “So maybe we need to figure out how to teach him…?”

Amethyst watches him for a while, as he looms over his twin’s bed, constantly on the alert, constantly searching and defending. She wonders if he gets tired. Maybe he’s scared like the rest of them, and just doesn’t know how to show it on his face.

“Okay…” Amethyst mumbles, unsure even as she announces her intention. “I’m gunna talk to him.”

“You got this, Amethyst,” Greg says softly, looking up from his guitar. He obviously heard some of what was being said. Him and Peridot watch her as she stands up and carefully moves towards the bed.

“Hey, uh… pink Steven,” she says to him, trying to pick the right words. “Sorry about… losing my cool back there. I guess you know what that’s like.”

Steven’s gem stares back at her, his hands dropping to his sides. He says nothing.

“Y’know… we’re all pretty stressed out right now, I guess,” she continues, feeling increasingly awkward. “How about you? Have you tried having a rest? Like, a nap, or something?” He takes a moment to process that.

“A nap,” he repeats.

“Yeah, y’know like… doing nothing. Closing your eyes. Chilling.” She points at human Steven. “What your other half is doing, but, like, even better, because it’d be intentional.” He looks at his unconscious twin, expression hollow.

“No.”

“Why not? It’s easy.” Amethyst tentatively sits on the bed, above Connie and next to Steven’s human part. Really, this bed is so huge, it could easily fit three more people on it. Oddly enough, gem Steven allows her to do this without trying to interrupt her. “Just lay on your back and close your eyes.”

She swings her legs up onto the bed, crossing her arms behind her neck. She closes her eyes for a good ten seconds before opening them again to see if Steven’s gem has reacted. He’s still just standing there.

“See, it’s great!” She closes her eyes again, getting comfy. “You just lay back, relax, and don’t do anything. Anybody can do it.” He still doesn’t seem to be getting it, though. He’s still just standing there. She sits up again, losing her momentum.

“Don’t you want to take a break?” she asks. It’s less her trying to cajole him into following along at this point, and more an earnest question. Sleep is the most simple and rewarding thing about being human that she can think of. It takes so little, but in the right circumstances, can feel better than anything in the world. Maybe he’ll feel more like himself if he remembers that. 

“I’m waiting,” he says, his gaze falling from her to his human half. Amethyst watches him, her expression softening.

“For what?”

“Safety.” That’s why he can’t loosen up, why he’s reluctant to let people close. He still feels like he’s in danger, and as long as he’s separated like this, he probably still is.

“But… you’re not alone anymore,” she says softly, uncharacteristically so. “I know you were fighting off those reptile freaks for who knows how long, but… you don’t have to do it by yourself anymore, Steven. Homeworld and the Diamonds are weird, but… we’re here to protect you. _I’m_ here to protect you.”

He doesn’t respond, but he looks at her again. Is he even listening? Part of her wants to get frustrated, to take his seeming rejection of her heartfelt words personally. Yet, she refuses. She can’t do that anymore.

“...So can you please just go easy on yourself, for once?”

Suddenly, he sits. 

It’s awkward, more like a robot than a person, but he does it - seemingly mimicking her exact positioning. He turns to look at her, waiting for something. She half smiles, confused but hopeful, and flops onto her back. He copies her motion again, and they end up laying as mirror images on either side of his human half’s sleeping form. His eyes are still wide and hollow, staring into space, but he’s doing the motions. That has to mean something.

“Now, this is the best part,” Amethyst says, shapeshifting into a purple copy of him. She kicks back fully, folding her hands over her belly, preparing to sleep. This is the most excited she’s been about a nap before, and that is an extremely high bar. “Just close your eyes, get comfortable, and let your brain turn off.”

He pushes himself up onto his elbows, looking over his unconscious twin with an expression almost like alarm. She guesses he doesn’t like that description. She turns back to normal.

“Not, like… _off_ off! Just don’t think about anything. I dunno about you, but, not thinking about things is pretty much the best.” She pats the bed, suggesting he should lay down again. “C’mon, now you do it.”

Tentatively, he lies down again. Hoping he’ll follow her lead, she closes her eyes. She keeps them that way for a good two minutes, counting the seconds, before she opens them again. Carefully, she shapeshifts and eye stalk to peer over his human half. 

Gem Steven’s eyes are closed. He’s still. He’s quiet. Laying next to his human half like that, equally quiet and still, she feels a bit choked up. Is he actually sleeping? No way to know. 

She shifts back to normal, and settles in. If she’s trying to teach gem Steven to sleep, she may as well set a good example.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another instance of me having to chop a chapter outline in half. I'm trying to keep most updates at around 2k words, because managing consistent updates is easiest that way. That means, next chapter will be an Amethyst pt 2. If Greg gets two chapters, so can Amethyst.
> 
> You may be able to see where this nap session is going. The next two chapters are ones that I am excited to write but feel may also be very difficult to write, so here's hoping I can get them out in a timely manner.


	15. Whatever You Lose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone else's dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning tags will be present, and in general, here is advanced warning that this chapter is weird and probably unpleasant. In a nightmare kind of way.

She doesn’t remember falling asleep.

Isn’t that how it always goes? Yet, this time the cycle is different. At first it’s all hazy visions and dreamlogic nonsense, stuff so vague and ethereal that Amethyst can hardly remember it even a moment later. That’s the kind of dreams she’s used to. Aimless wandering in familiar places, the sights and sounds of a quiet Kindergarten, and idea of distant desires that she can’t quite find. Often, she’s alone. She’s never been one for visceral nightmares, or anything that feels completely real.

So, imagine her surprise when she finds herself somewhere terrible, but with a shocking lucidity. It’s as if she woke up there, somewhere dark and sweltering, humid with the smell of dry flesh. At first her brain doesn’t search for an explanation, accepting it as part of the night’s reflections, but that doesn’t last long.

She knows this sight, and she knows these smells. It’s the same as it was in hole they’d found him in. A chain of connections play out in her mind - space, reptiloids, hurting… 

Steven.

Amethyst charges forward, knowing she has to find something. He’s trapped here, she thinks. He’s pinned down somewhere, cut up and dying. Didn’t they find him? Why isn’t he with her? Did they somehow leave him here? How could this happen?

She runs, but the layout of this place doesn’t make any sense. Every time she turns around, the pathways are different. It’s so dark, she can barely see the walls without running into them, the smooth, dry textures brushing against her skin. Panic rises up in her.

“Steven!” she calls out, her voice sharp and tight. “Where are you?” He was just with her. He was just here! Where did he go, where is he now…? Her cries become more desperate.

“Give him back!” she screams at an unseen enemy. She wants something to fight. She wants something to destroy. She wants to make something hurt as much as all of them have been hurting.

Before she can collapse in on herself, she hears something in the distance. A whimper. She only hesitates for a moment. Racing towards the sound, she sees something: a mound of clinging scales, with something entangled within its hold. There, curled up on the ground, is Steven.

He’s bare and unprotected, except for the clinging blanket of scales that holds him to the ground like spiderwebs. His body is a patchwork of small punctures and incisions, beaded with softly glowing moisture, all leading to the worst part of all - his gem, or the lack thereof.

The place where his gem should be is a dark pit, with the same pink glow oozing out of it like blood from a wound. One of his hands is clenched over the gap, as if trying to stem the bleeding, but it can’t be stopped. It pools around his bound body, as if he’d been trying to crawl but simply lost the strength to keep going.

“O-Oh, no way, dude, no,” Amethyst chokes, diving to the ground next to him, trying to find his face beneath unkempt hair and creeping scales. The most shocking thing of all is that he’s conscious.

His whole body shakes, but his eyes are open, staring back at her with an expression of utter helplessness and fear. For the first time she sees the flash of recognition in his eyes that she’s been craving so desperately, but in the moment all she wants is for it to go away. Steven, her Steven, can’t possibly be in so much pain. She doesn’t want it to be real.

“Amethyst…?” he murmurs, digging at the ground with his fingers. He is flushed and washed out all at once, as if delirious with fever. “Amethyst…”

He’s seen her now, and the knowledge seems overwhelm him with longing. He squirms against his bonds, trying to get closer to her, but powerless against their hold. Whimpers and pleads pour from his mouth, without dignity or pride, stripped down to nothing but the most naked and vulnerable human need. She can’t stand it. She scoops him into her arms, trying to pull him away from the grasping encroachment of alien flesh.

“Steven,” she gasps, scrambling for purchase. “Don’t… Don’t you dare let go. I’m… getting you out of here!”

“Please,” he sobs, his face stained with tears, in the same pink that pools around them. “I can’t… It hurts…” She pulls again and he whines with pain, the sound harsh enough to shake her to her core.

She falls onto her butt, her efforts unable to dislodge him, and his discomfort making her wonder if she should even try. The dark material holding him down becomes grasping, alien claws, dragging down his skin and wrenching at her hair. The harder she pulls, the worse it gets, and the more it threatens to drag her in with him. He’s clinging to her clothing, fighting with everything he has left, but it isn’t enough. Gradually, inexorably, it intends to swallow them both.

She can feel it overpowering them, and she can feel Steven shaking against her. He’s crying, begging her for help, and nothing she does can free him. This is the lowest and most broken she’s ever seen him, and it’s the worst thing she’s ever experienced in her life.

She’s so stupid. Hadn’t she been _jealous_ when Connie had told them that she was the one to experience this before? To see him suffering from forces outside of their control? She doesn’t want to see this. She hates it.

But she can’t leave him. She won’t.

“Please…” he whimpers, and she notices him reaching, stretching his fingers towards something behind her. Amethyst looks up from cradling him long enough to see what he's looking towards - a distant pink light, flickering in the darkness. "I can't… I need… I need it…"

His gem.

It starts clicking together. Is this his human half? If his other half is here, too, then maybe she can bring them together. Maybe it would fix them! There's only one problem. Steven is stuck here, bleeding pink gunk onto her lap. He also seems like he’s completely lost it, mentally.

"Steven, you gotta get up," she pleads, holding him tight. "I know it hurts, I know this completely _freaking_ sucks, but we can't stay here. You have to keep going."

It’s easy to say - realistically she can feel that he lacks the strength to crawl, let alone stand. Yet, she has the sense that this situation isn’t entirely literal. Maybe to break free, he just needs to believe he can, or something. All the while, they’re losing ground, not gaining it. The scales have started growing on her as well, reaching hands grabbing at her shoulders and face. She still won’t let go.

“I can’t get away,” he murmurs, giving up his attempts to reach. “I tried… I tried, but... it only makes things worse…” He stops struggling completely now, sagging against against her chest. “It’s always worse. No one… No one can help me. I’m alone.”

It doesn’t sound right. It sounds like something he’s been conditioned to say, rehearsed like some kind of helpless mantra. She can’t stand hearing it.

“You’re wrong!” she cries, burying her face in his hair. “You’re lying! I’m right here with you... and I’m not going _anywhere!_”

She gives everything she has to him, grasping for the connection that they’ve shared. At first there is resistance, fearful and hopeless, but it can’t help but give way beneath the force of her vows. She feels him join her, she feels their thoughts intertwine. They become light; they become each other.

Bonds break and darkness recedes, cast off by their creation. They tear free, leaping up above it all, cruel talons grasping after them as they float. In the distance, the pink light still beckons.

Something isn’t right. He - they - they’re missing something, like a deep and gnawing chasm in their heart. They recognize this shape, but it’s wrong. Amethyst’s gem is at their belly, trying so badly to fill the hole, and at the top…?

Empty. So empty. Helpless, dying, pleading, please, don’t, stop-

“No!” they yell, and part of them wants to unravel. The other parts refuse. They’ll stay like this as long as they have to. As long as it takes to get them to that light. “Steven... Amethyst...!” 

For one, there is clarity that was missing before, leaking thoughts patched with uncompromising purple light. For another, there is the horror of realization. This is what he felt. This is what they feel. How long have they suffered? How did they let this happen?

The light. Focus on the light.

They drift through darkness, searching for the one thing that will bring meaning to this pain. Where Steven was stuck, they can move. Where Amethyst was powerless, they will have strength. Find the way. One foot after another.

They crave the thing that will complete them, more than they’ve ever craved anything. They march towards it, reaching, hoping - and then, a different light comes.

It’s white and searing, flooding the darkness until the light becomes a darkness in itself. They feel it in their gem, in their bones. They cry out, sprawling on the ground. The light fades again, like a pulse, and all they can make out is a pair of piercing silver eyes.

When they try to get up, the light flares again, and they are knocked backwards, defending themself with three desperate arms. As the second pulse fades, they look to their gem. It’s turned white.

“Ohhh no… no, no, no…” they gasp, struggling to hold it together. All parts of them are crying out, unwanted memories dredging to the surface. Cracks of alabaster spread from Amethyst’s gem, but they can’t accept this. They can’t let themselves be taken away from Steven again, not when he needs them so much.

They run.

The light pulses again and again, every time shaking them. Yet, every time they fall, they get up again, and every time the falter, they keep moving in the end. As they run, the white light gets further behind them, and the pink light grows stronger. All the while, they can feel the cracks spreading, threatening to break them apart.

The pink light comes upon them. They collapse to their knees, every part of them hurting. In front of them, they see Steven’s gem - but larger and brighter than it ever should be. Finally, their will gives way.

Steven falls out of her and into her arms, cradled like a baby in rags of alien scales. He’s smaller than he should be - like he was years ago, back on the day that White almost took him from them. Amethyst doesn’t have time to process that, because she can see the whiteness still creeping across her shoulders and arms. Thankfully, Steven seems to have been spared its infection. That’s good enough for her.

“What the hell _was_ that?” Amethyst groans, barely comprehending what they just did together. Was that Smokey? If it was, Amethyst feels like she needs to apologize for putting them through that. It was necessary, though - now they’re here, and Steven’s gem is here, and she can almost see a silhouette peering out from within -

A blade swipes at them, as if emerging from the blinding pink light. Amethyst yelps, falling back, turning her shoulder to protect Steven’s shrunken form at all costs. 

“...Amethyst?” asks a familiar voice. Amethyst turns to face her, wide eyed.

“Connie?” Amethyst wheezes. The human stands before them, sword at the ready, as if she is defending the giant gem behind her. Her stance relaxes, gradually realizing what she’s looking at. 

“You have Steven!” Connie says, delighted, though her expression soon falls. “At least… one of them.” Not that Steven looks like he’s doing great at the moment. He’s fallen still in Amethyst’s arms, breathing raggedly.

“How did you…” Amethyst begins, and then grits her teeth in frustration. “Rrgh! What is even going on?!”

“I think we’re in the Stevens’ heads…” Connie kneels down to look at Steven more closely, her expression creasing with worry. “His dream must have swallowed up everyone that’s sleeping.”

“We’re… dreaming…?” Amethyst mumbles, genuinely confused. Connie looks surprised.

“You mean… you didn’t know that?” 

“I think… I kinda did…?” It feels like she’s known she was dreaming at times, but that information was ephemeral, and she would lose it from one moment to the next. Like, sure, that makes total sense when you look at this objectively - with a giant Steven gem suspended in a black abyss, a White Diamond infection that isn’t going anywhere, and a little kid Steven cradled in her arms, but try telling her that five minutes ago. “If it’s Steven’s dream, then… where’s the other guy?”

“He’s right here!” Connie rushes back over to the gem, laying a hand against it. As Amethyst’s expression focuses, she can see it for what it truly is.

It’s Steven’s gem, but suspended by alien biotech, and accents of yellow and blue Homeworld machinery. The structure clasps around the gem like a cage, holding it in place, leeching off its light. Within the diamond’s facets, there is a figure. A hand presses against the interior of the gem, like someone caught behind a glass wall.

It’s Steven’s twin. His eyes are as wide and empty as ever, but focused on her and the other Steven in her arms with a searing intensity. If he wasn’t trapped in his own gem, it’s clear that he would already by over here, desperate to reclaim his other half.

“I found him like this,” Connie explains. She swings her sword against the gem’s bindings, trying to cut through it. She’s clearly been doing this for a while, judging by all the chunks that are missing. She huffs, exhausted. “I’ve been trying to get him free, but… it’s like he’s stuck in there, and the stuff built around it won’t let him out. And it keeps growing back!”

“Human Steven was stuck somewhere, too.” How long ago was that? How far away was it? She can’t really tell. This is all so disorientating. “He was reaching for this light, and…” She shakes her head, looking down to her half of him. “Steven… wake up. C’mon, we made it. We’re here.”

Little Steven’s eyes cracks open, finally settling on the gem before him. He immediately squirms in Amethyst’s grasp, reaching for his twin, but overwhelming exhaustion and weakness makes it so he can barely lift his arm.

“Help…” he murmurs. Amethyst gets up, bringing him to the gem. She takes little Steven’s hand, pressing it to the surface of the gem that his twin is trapped behind.

“I brought him here for you,” she says to gem Steven. “So, take him back!”

As their fingers meet, the light of the gem pulses. It’s almost enough to knock Amethyst back. Yet, they haven’t fused.

“What are you waiting for?” Amethyst shouts as the gem pulses again, her hair whipping in the wind. It’s getting strong enough that it hurts to be close, even as she refuses to back down. The next pulse causes her to cry out, and for Steven to whimper in her arms.

It’s then that Connie seems to make a decision. Raising her sword high, she charges forward, piercing its point through the gem’s surface. The gem shatters, and the force sends both of them tumbling.

When Amethyst looks up again, the pulses have stopped. Shards of pink diamond float in the air all around them, and in the center, two Stevens float. The next moment, there is only one, shining too bright to see.

“What did you do?” Amethyst gasps, panicking. Gem shattering never seems like a good idea. Connie hacks out a cough, collecting herself. She can’t seem to quite believe what she just did, either.

“I… I don’t know what this means metaphorically, but… this is good, right?” she asks, helplessly.

The light disbands, and the singular Steven is revealed. Hope flashes in Amethyst’s chest, only to flicker a moment later - it’s Steven, but not as he should be.

He drifts down to the ground. The hole is filled, his gem is in place, but his features are jumbled. Patches of him look like cracked gem, with fissures of light cutting across his human skin, while others are coated in reptiloid scales. When his limbs move, a ghostly pink after image of his gem form follows it. His eyes have human expression, but they glow in a bright pink. 

Right now, the expression is one of shock.

It reminds Amethyst of proto-Garnet, but in a sad kind of way. Like a fusion that isn’t all together, that hasn’t quite figured itself out. Steven’s parts are functioning together, but barely. She’s already getting to her feet as he lands.

“Steven! Hey, can you hear me?” she calls after him, excited despite everything that feels off about this. “Is it really you?”

Steven looks at his hands, his breath quickening. It’s the kind of expression she can actually recognize, though - more so than the pitiful agony of his human half, or the mechanical distance of his gem. He looks at her, his eyes growing wide with creeping horror.

“What did we do…?” he breathes, and the world starts changing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought this would be hard to write, and I was CORRECT. I rewrote the part where Amethyst finds Steven more times than I have anything else in this story. Every paragraph in that part took me like an hour. I'm mostly satisfied with it, I think, but... yeah.
> 
> I really love dreamwalking type BS, and I was so frigging happy when that became a canon power of Steven's. I especially love using it for angst. I really hope this chapter made sense, generally speaking, or at least as much sense as a dream should make. 
> 
> This is pretty dark, but, Steven's halves have been separated for multiple days at this point, and that is kind of layered on top off all the regular trauma he is experiencing. It's killer on his psyche. This is kind of like being inside of Malachite's mindscape, in terms of fraught psychological connections. Except, you know, minus all the passionate hatred, and with more creepy snake technology.
> 
> Pour one out for Smokey Quartz, they had a bad time.


	16. What You Really Are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His nightmare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The badness continues. This chapter is peak horrible, but on the bright side, it won't get worse than this.

It isn’t like being one person; it isn’t like being two people. It’s an experience, but it isn’t a good one.

The first sensation is that of two minds trying to comprehend each other’s memories, but with senses that are incompatible. Trying to understand colour when you can’t see it. Feeling peaks and valleys of emotions compressed into a screeching monotone. He can’t stand this. It’s too loud. It’s too empty. The recollections of uncontrolled emotions blind him, deafen him, just as much as the absence of them starves him. 

Where are we - where am I?

He is nowhere, he is mutable, he is incomplete. Incomplete? He is together. He was trapped, he was screaming. He tried to find you. Who is ‘you’? You are me.

What did you do?

He looks at hands, he sees pink light, he sees the radiance within. He sees the cracks, he feels the way they divide him from himself. Someone’s fingers raise, and he looks at them. Someone’s fingers move. Is this his? It’s his. It’s theirs.

“Steven!”

That’s all he can hear. The rest doesn’t matter. That’s his name! That’s their name. Someone knows him, and he knows someone. That’s Amethyst. She was with him just a second ago. How did he get here? She brought him here. She had tried to make him complete, and for a moment it almost worked.

Why isn’t this working? Where did he go? He’s broken. The aliens broke the gem, they broke the connection. He’s two halves that are twisted, that no longer fit together right. Why? He doesn’t know. He had to stop it, no matter the cost.

What cost?

Reality bends to their whims, reacting to thoughts beyond their control. He sees rubble at his feel, he sees alien blood ooze. He can’t think about this. It doesn’t make sense. It hurts in ways he can’t tolerate, but it doesn’t go away.

“What did we do...?” he feels himself ask.

“Steven!” Connie cries. “What’s happening to you?”

Connie. She’s alive.

He hadn’t known that, on the night it all happened. He’d been sleeping, he’d been awoken, he’d been bitten, he’d been defeated. Connie was there, and then she wasn’t. He was taken away, and she was left. Would she follow? Would the other one finish her off? Would the poison kill her?

He sees her, and then she’s gone. Connie, Amethyst - they fade from sight. His volatile reality is overwhelmed with memory - with the feeling of being crushed between reptilian coils, and the hum of spaceship engines. The musty smell of scales and a vessel that thrums with life. The disruptor attached to his gem burns as it spiderwebs across his skin, breaking every attempt at resistance before it can truly begin. His gem can’t function, and his muscles are numb. Something thick and fleshy grabs his face, and he can no longer breathe. 

He squirms and whines until everything stops. When he wakes, he gradually finds out that his fight for freedom is already over. 

There’s glass above him, a foot from his face, textured like a discarded chrysalis. There’s walls on either side - beneath, above. It’s a box, a capsule, something holding him inside of it. He knows from the moment he wakes that he wants out. It’s when he begins to struggle that he feels what’s truly constraining him. 

Something thick and heavy covers him like a blanket, enveloping his limbs and constricting around his body. It’s flush to his skin, and he can feel the muscle tensing within it, holding him still and sealing him to the bed of the capsule. He realizes that his clothes must be gone, that his shoulders are bare, and that he can feel this second layer of flesh pressing into almost every other part of him. It feels like he’s been swallowed, and the idea of it fills him with panic. He tries to break free.

His strength is back, his gem is working, but as soon as the second skin begins to stretch, a vicious jolt of disrupting energy pulses through his body. It lasts for over a minute, and his strength fails him as his gem is too shaken to function. He yells, he can’t help it, and that’s when his captors realize he’s awake. Only one of them ever speaks to him.

This is when he’s most hopeful - when they first speak to him, and for a while, he can speak back. They don’t waste time. They badger him with questions, with no patience for diversions. They ask him things he has no way and no reason to know about Homeworld, things that he barely remembers. They ask him about his powers and about his hybrid body. When he doesn’t answer, when he hesitates, the electricity start again. 

At some point, they drug him. It’s pumped straight into him through the second skin, which he can feel melding to his body. Its veins connect to his, and his nerves are tapped into. His thoughts blur and words spill out like liquid. 

Caution and dignity bleeds away. Disoriented attempts to relate become sprawling pleas, begging for understanding. Why are they doing this to him? What do they want? If Homeworld hurt them, he promises he will do everything he can to fix it. He isn’t his mom, he didn’t do this, please just tell him how he can help.

They will not let him help, they tell him. Everything that can be taken from him will be taken by force, just as the Diamond Authority had taken their home, their civilization. To offer them charity now is an insult. They don’t care about who he is, or how he became the Pink Diamond. They only know that he has value to the leaders of the Gem Homeworld, and as such he will be broken and harvested for resources just like the Diamonds have with every conquest. 

They never permit him to speak to them again.

He’s starved of every outlet; he can’t fight back and he can’t even attempt to get through to them. All of his power is taken, and the only thing he can do is empathize - to understand why this suffering is being inflicted upon him. It’s because of what he is, because of what Homeworld has done. He is the face of their destroyers, and he has to be punished.

That’s what he’s for, isn't it?

Time passes at a crawl. There are no explanations for anything that happens to him, just the sensation as it occurs. Chemicals are injected into his body and samples are removed. For several hours a day he finds himself almost completely swallowed in his living prison, sweltering and constricted, bleeding essence from his every pore to the point that he feels like there is nothing left. The first time, when it becomes unbearable, he snaps and tries to escape again. It ends, but only in exchange for something worse - the disruptor’s electricity starts again, but this time it doesn’t stop. 

His hybrid strengths become his weakness. No other gem would have to suffer through the pain of hours of this torture. The disruptor would simply dissipate them, leaving them defeated but no longer hurting. It’s only through him that it becomes clear that the effect of the disruptor is cumulative. The longer it goes, the worse it feels, from simple discomfort all the way to agony, until he is sobbing through the mask that gags him.

He learns to stop resisting. 

By the time they reach planetside, he’s starting to become numb to his own torment. He never really sees the place where the spaceship finally lands. His pod is removed and the glass is blacked out. He is taken from one prison to another. He wakes up on new operating table, with alien machinery hanging overhead. The second skin has come with him. It feels like a part of him now.

There’s something new, here - new tests, new machines to hurt him with. He only offers a token resistance when they attach a blue jeweled circlet to his brow and feels his mind start to come apart. He can no longer comprehend what is being done to him, his world shatters into blue fragments. He falls, out of control.

“Steven!”

He hears voices - voices that shouldn’t be here. He’s lost in his memories, unable to tell the difference between the present and the past. Yet, he keeps hearing them, calling his name. It isn't right. He knows that he's alone.

“Steven! C'mon, wake up!”

“Steven, please! This isn’t real!”

Is that really his name? Sometimes, he can’t even remember who he is. The strain is so much that it feels like nothing that happened before it is real. He doesn’t feel human, he doesn’t even feel like a prisoner - he feels subhuman, without voice and without control, to be taken apart at his keeper’s discretion. 

Maybe if he gives in fully, if he stops being himself, they won’t be able to hurt him anymore. 

Each violation, each indignity - they begin to lose meaning. As the final day arrives, he barely perceives the world around him. Yet, they still manage to find a way to wring a last drop of fear from a victim that has already surrendered.

It happens when they set their sights on his gem. 

It’s already upon him when he finally realizes what they are intending. The claw-like device above him sinks into his belly, clutching around his gem. It sends stabbing pain through his abdomen, but that isn’t what he’s afraid of. He’s afraid of what comes next, when his last vestiges of self are torn from him. The disruptor racks his body a final time, breaking the bonds between his physical and magical form. He pleads for mercy as he’s torn in two.

His memory splits. He remembers agony, and he remembers nothingness. No longer united by shared experience, he feels himself come apart again. At first they are held separated, before the process works in reverse. Both sides of him light up as they attempt to trigger a reaction - to find a way to force them to rejoin.

By methods beyond his understanding, it happens. The gem rejoins his body, without ever reforming. He cries with relief as the pain abates, but it isn’t over. The shock of the experience is just beginning to pass when the machinery beginning again, and once more he’s torn to pieces.

It happens again, and again, and again.

He doesn’t want to remember. He doesn’t want to think about how he was trapped inside of himself, how he could see his other half hanging in the distance with no way to get it back. More than anything, he doesn’t want to remember what comes next.

He doesn’t truly know how it ended. There was a flaw in containment, a surge of energy that his gem manages to exploit. The power within it erupts as his human part mewls on the operating table, and his alien keepers know from the instant it happens that they are doomed.

He sees himself take form, in shades of violent pink. He sees the complete lack of remorse as he wields his power, finally unchained, to destroy them. He feels the cold satisfaction of release as the power unleashes, expanding outward with the raw force of an explosion. Days of agony and humiliation, paid back in an instant. At least two of the creatures are killed on impact, as a crater is carved around their small calm in the storm. More must be crushed beneath the compacting rubble.

He remembers the decision to pursue them, understanding that he will never be safe until they are gone. Stone cracks and space vessels crash. A deep and gnawing anger, a fear he no longer knows how to comprehend, fuels his assault. Nothing, no one, will ever touch him again.

He hears the destruction from somewhere else, helpless and bound. The world comes down around him, and he can’t even raise his head. Minutes pass - that’s all it takes. Finally, the silence comes. Light casts over him as he arrives, staring at what’s become of him.

He’s wild and remorseless. He’s broken and dying. Their paths converge as he climbs onto his operating table, reaching for his face. He feels the hum of energy on his skin, staring up into the empty reflection of his own eyes. 

“What did I do?”

He mouths the words, bathed in pink light. The realization begins to form. He killed. He killed those aliens. They were hurting him, but he killed them.

“What I had to.”

It seems obvious. He only escaped by chance, by a narrow margin. To let them go, to return to harm him again - it’s unreasonable. He’s allowed this before, and he won’t allow it again. 

He can no longer afford it.

“I didn’t want this. I didn’t. You… why did you…? No…”

He struggles. He doesn’t want to be touched, he doesn’t want to accept this. His words come out broken as he screams in mourning. It’s already happened. They’ve already destroyed him. There’s no going back. It’s over.

He’ll never be himself again.

“You are defective.”

Is this crying, quivering thing really himself? Is he really so weak? This can’t be right. He has to fix it. He grabs it in his hands, willing for it to rejoin him. In the same moment, he squirms, resisting, revolted.

“_Stop,_” he sobs. “Get away from me...”

He refuses his own touch, forcing himself away. He doesn't want to be himself anymore. There's nothing left.

He's gone.

His rejoined mind, so tenuously stitched together, finally gives way. The world of his memories shatters apart, and so does he.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God. This chapter. What the hell. I had, like, pretty strong ideas of what I wanted this chapter to be like, since before I even started writing the story, and it all turned out to be very difficult in execution. If this wasn't a story being posted in a linear manner then I'd probably end up revisiting this many times in the future. However, if I was striving for perfection in this, I would never get anything done.
> 
> This is basically a tenuously rejoined Steven suddenly being hit with a clear image of what's happened to him - while divided, he has a sense of it, but he's not really capable of analyzing it that deeply. This is the first time he's looked back at it with anything close to a complete mind, and it's too much for him. It's striking him from two angles - both the fear of facing what was done to him, and also the fear of facing what he did in reaction. Of course, the fact that he's not letting himself be whole is part of why his reaction is so extreme. 
> 
> Pink Steven was about as justified as it gets when it comes to defending oneself, but Steven has never really been one to accept that kind of idea. I hope the struggle they are having at the end comes across. The next chapter will be less tortuous, at least. It's all uphill from here, probably.


	17. Make It Right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blue Diamond considers the future.

Blue Diamond watches Steven and his family from a distance. It seems easiest that way. Certainly, there is a pride that bubbles within her, that suggests a Diamond should have to make room for no one - even less so when they are guests in her palace. Yet, she knows that this is not the time to indulge it, even if that means tolerating each and every one of Steven’s… friends.

She still has no idea how to relate to these people, particularly when everyone is in such a tense mood. With most, she has only a passing familiarity. She saw some of them more often than others - the Pearl most of all, who would sometimes join Steven on his visits. Even then, he was always the mediator, and the mutual connection they all shared.

Without him around, their interactions are terse. Some of these so called ‘Crystal Gems’ insist on goading her at every turn, and she can’t help but feel a tiny rush of self satisfaction when she holds herself above their attempts to sew conflict. Steven would be proud of her, she thinks. It’s one of the few things that soothes her, given his current state - especially when his gem half has been primarily hostile.

It’s daunting, to see that familiar gem with such a look of displeasure towards her. 

There is a shortage of Diamond-sized seating, even in this part of Homeworld, and so Blue has had to content herself with peering over the pillars and walls that separate her from Steven’s treatment chamber. She’s summoned a suitably large and ornate cushion to rest on as she keeps watch, waiting for news from the Iolites, and the other members of her court.

What she wants right now is information. Information on his condition, and information on their shared enemy. 

It’s been thousands of years since they last heard word of the reptiloid species, and she hoped that it would remain that way. However, them returning from seeming oblivion is not without precedent. For organics, they have been impossibly hard to eliminate, and have had the tendency to unexpectedly rise from the ashes of ruin if given even a few thousand years to recover.

She and Yellow had thought that they were finally rid of their menace, after the reptiloid homeworld was targeted and overwhelmed. Yet, they were wrong, and now they have paid dearly for their mistake.

White Diamond will not be pleased. Yellow went to speak with her a few hours ago, and Blue has not heard from her since. Part of her worries, despite herself. 

It’s not supposed to be like this anymore.

Things had finally been getting better. Even with Pink lost, Steven had been guiding them towards a better future. She felt more at ease with her duties and her court than she ever had, and even White Diamond was beginning to reintegrate with their civilization. Yellow was more relaxed than she had been for eons, with the weight of colonization removed from her shoulders. Sometimes, it really felt like they could now be truly happy - in a way they had never even considered before.

As painful as it is to see Steven like this, the inescapable truth is that it could represent the swift and brutal end to this new era that was still only emerging. A Diamond, attacked and stolen away from his colony. A Diamond, tortured at the hand of the enemy. A Diamond, the symbol of the strength of Homeworld, broken and returned to them as a shadow of himself. 

It is a humiliation that cannot go unanswered. Blue knows this, even as it fills her with weariness and dread. In a time not long ago, she would have craved nothing but retribution, and the destruction of all who would stand against the Authority.

Now… she doesn’t know what she wants, besides for Steven to wake up and come back to them. Maybe he would have an answer.

In the distance, the gates of her laboratory open, followed by the sound of heavy footsteps. Blue stands, her gem glowing in soft anticipation. Yellow Diamond has returned to her. 

“Yellow!”

Blue meets her in the entrance way, falling into an embrace. Yellow stiffens, not quite returning the gesture, which concerns her. When she looks up, Yellow is not meeting her gaze.

“… I’m sorry, was that too much?” Blue asks, uncertainly. Hugging is a recent development in their relationship, brought on primary by Steven’s influence. Maybe she had taken it too far. “It’s just that… I was worried. I knew you were speaking to White, and…”

“It’s fine,” Yellow says, cutting her off. The discomfort is definitely with more than just the physical contact. Blue pulls away. 

“What did she say?” she asks.

“That we can’t carry on the way we have been,” Yellow says, waving a hand and moving past her. “I have to admit, I agree with her on that.”

“In what way…?” Blue doesn’t like the implication, though she senses the inevitability of it. “She isn’t… she couldn’t be thinking…”

“We let this happen, Blue. We let Steven run wild, and left our borders unchecked… we practically asked for this.” Yellow is trying to hold steady, but there is a guilty agitation there that Blue can’t overlook. “All it took was for one enemy to see our weakness and seize the opportunity.”

“We couldn’t have known they would come back, let alone that they would know to find Earth,” Blue argues, though without much heart. It’s so easy to see their failure in retrospect - all things are much easier to see when they are unchangeably in the past. “Yellow, it’s his home.”

“Yet, we left it without proper defenses. We left our _Empire_ without defenses. I don’t know what I was thinking. We have invaders on the borders. We have gems unaccounted for! I had assumed all of this was anarchist rebellion coming from our own people, and I let Homeworld’s greatest threat slip right through my grasp.”

Blue crosses her arms around herself. “And so what do you suggest?”

“I suggest we _destroy_ them!” Yellow snaps, smacking her fist against the wall hard enough that the structure rattles. “We can do nothing else. They’ve made a direct assault against a Diamond, and now…” She looks in the direction of Steven’s bed, scowling bitterly. “Now I don’t even know what is left to be salvaged.”

“Steven is _alive_, Yellow,” Blue insists. “His body is breathing, and his gem is whole. They are just… separated.”

“His gem is-” Yellow makes some vague gestures, trying to articulate her meaning. “-it’s defective! I had thought I understood his… situation, but I didn’t think that meant that the Pink Diamond was _ruined._”

Blue looks away from her, as if struck. Yellow freezes, realizing she’s gone too far.

“It… It isn’t _ruined._” She doesn’t want to believe it is. Certainly, in the past she had imagined that perhaps Pink’s gem had been wiped of its memory, that it had learned to function with a human body and become something new, but to know that it has been reduced to a state that is so formless and empty…

It’s a cruel reminder that Pink is gone, and gone forever. The Pink Diamond is nothing like it used to be, and by all indications, it never will be again. 

“...Steven is everything that Pink wanted him to be,” Blue says, tentatively breaking the silence. There is a fondness in her voice that she can’t avoid. “Neither gem nor human… nor the two of them simply working side by side. He’s both, at once, and without all of himself…”

She trails off again, and Yellow’s shoulders slacken, staring at her. Blue moves towards her, reaching out to rest a hand on her shoulder.

“Repairing him _must_ be our priority,” she says. “To begin another war in his name… he may never forgive us.”

Yellow’s hesitation ends. She shrugs off Blue’s hand.

“What I _intend_ to do is _protect_ him,” she growls. “Without opposition, we could have afforded these luxuries. But, if the reptiloids have returned, we must meet them head on - as we have every time before. What use is his forgiveness if our Empire is in ruin?”

“Uh…”

From so high up, it can be hard to hear average sized gems, let alone when you are in the thick of something like this. Still, the sound of someone awkwardly clearing their throat meets Blue’s ears, mostly because in the heat of the moment she had almost forgotten that they were somewhere they could be easily overheard. Steven’s family is not far away.

Now, there is a gaggle of them lingering nearby. First, there is the Bismuth and Lapis Lazuli, and further behind is Spinel, as if she had been following them at a distance. They all look a bit caught on the spot to have both Diamonds glaring at them from a place of heightened emotions.

“I don’t know too much about these snakes… seems like it might be before my time,” the Bismuth continues, awkwardly. Blue thinks that is only appropriate that she feel awkward, considering how rude she has been at every opportunity. “But… you guys are really trying to change how you run things, right?”

“I am,” Blue says, stiffly. She looks away. “Not that you seem inclined to believe me.” Yellow, for her part, just huffs and crosses her arms, barely tolerating the interruption.

“I know I’ve been giving you a hard time, but, like… you gotta realize, this is the first time _any_ of us have ever got a say in anything.” The Lapis’s eyes are darting around nervously as the Bismuth speaks, though the latter continues unabated. “Any time before now, and you would have just ignored what we said and then probably shattered our gems for the trouble.”

“I don’t _do_ that anymore!” Blue insists, clenching her fists with boiling frustration.

“I’m willing to reconsider,” Yellow snarls, and the Bismuth immediately takes a step back. The Lapis spreads her wings, grabbing the Bismuth by the shoulders as if prepared to fly her away at a moment’s notice, only to be stayed by the Bismuth’s hand.

“See? That’s just your problem,” the Bismuth says, afraid and angry all at once. How this gem just keeps on talking despite all indication that she should quit is beyond Blue’s comprehension. “Someone pushes you even a little about the way things used to be and you don’t wanna hear it. You talk a big game about making a change and doing things different, but then you wanna throw in the towel the second you gotta work for it!”

“Bismuth…” the Lapis pleads.

“Anybody can be peaceful in peacetime!” Bismuth growls, just getting louder. “But Steven - he tried to make it work even when people were out to break him! People who never even gave him a chance. People like me! People like you! People like every other gem for this damn rock that came to Earth just to ruin the day of some kid that never hurt _anybody._”

Blue Diamond is stunned to silence, and to her amazement, Yellow is too. Even since Steven came to them, they have never heard something like this. Off behind them, Spinel is watching and visibly sagging, her stretchy arms wrapped several times around her own torso.

“He didn’t stop trying to find a better way. No matter how many people tried to shatter him, no matter how many came for his home turf.” The Bismuth thrusts a finger at Yellow in particular now. “And now… now you’d try to tell yourself that you can throw all of that away on _his_ behalf?”

Yellow finally snaps, clenching her fists as lightning crackles around them.

“How _dare_ you!”

It’s obvious that the Bismuth is terrified of what might come next, but it doesn’t stop her. 

“You can do that. You… you can poof me, you can shatter me… whatever you want.” The Bismuth’s eyes are watery with emotion. “But you’d be giving up on yourself as much as you’d be giving up on him. On his ideas. On the future he saw for Homeworld that none of us ever could.”

Blue can’t take it anymore. She reaches out to grab Yellow’s hand, pulling her attention even as the electricity burns its way up her arm.

“Yellow, please,” Blue whispers, trying to meet her eyes. Yellow scowls back at her, holding on to her anger. This feels all too familiar to a moment not long ago - are their actions truly becoming so circular? 

“My… My Diamonds.”

Blue and Yellow turn to see Spinel speaking to them, her arms bent into the customary pair of diamond shapes. She clearly doesn’t want to speak up, but she’s doing it anyway.

“I think, uh… maybe… they’re right? About it being hard.” Spinel tries to straighten up, but she’s glancing nervous away. Blue had thought that she was comfortable with them, but her fear in this moment seems to suggest differently. “Trying to be better is hard because it means you have to think about all the wrong stuff you did before. Or, uh… you have to try to even admit you were wrong in the first place.”

“Spinel…” Blue says more softly, trying to make sense of her companion’s fear. Does Spinel really think that they’d hurt her? _Should_ she think that?

“When I met Steven, I was, uh… dealing with some pretty heavy stuff. And I thought that… the world had done such a bad thing to me, I should be able to be bad to everyone else. But… I… I was wrong. I couldn’t just make everything worse, I had to be better. He told me I _could_ be better.”

Spinel carefully moves closer, looking back to them. Her expression is soft and vulnerable, in a way that makes Blue feel like she may break if she were to be struck in that moment.

“And… maybe… maybe it’s the same for you. Maybe you can try to do something different, this time?”

Blue has nothing to argue. She can’t. She can see moments replaying in her mind, of all her mistakes. The ways she hurt Pink, and the ways she almost lost Steven before they’d even found him. She wipes the tears from her eyes that are now freshly falling, willing the emotion to stay inside her, and to not harm anyone else.

She can’t let her pain hurt others. She made a promise, and she remembers that now. She looks towards Yellow, searching for meaning within her expression.

Yellow pulls her hand away from Blue, turning to stare into the distance. It takes her a moment to speak.

“I don’t know how I put up with all of you,” she says, but her voice has softened. Down on the ground, Spinel relaxes. Blue does too. The moment is short lived, though. Before any more sensible words can be said, the Peridot is running towards them, hollering.

“Guys… guys!” She throws up her tiny green arms, almost tripping over her own feet. 

“Peridot?” Lapis asks, alarmed.

“The Stevens are awake,” Peridot says. “And they are _freaking out._”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to have this up yesterday but I caught a case of the sads which made writing really difficult earlier this week. So, uncharacteristic Friday update it is!
> 
> Bismuth is actually one of my top favourite characters in the show, and this is kind of the first time in this story she's got to do something major, which is sad. Partly its because I love her so much I'm scared of doing her wrong. Also, there are just a ton of characters to cycle through and I had to give first priority to Connie, Greg, and the main CGs. 
> 
> Everybody's getting their turn... eventually. Also, Diamonds. Look at them go.
> 
> EDIT: OH RIGHT. I edited the timeline of this story a bit, so it's now two months after the movie instead of four. It turns out the movie was set on May 22nd, so I wanted it to be happening before Steven's birthday for reasons.


	18. Unwanted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Facing yourself.

Bismuth has barely had a chance to start coming down from the second most dangerous argument she’s ever had when the alarms are sounded. The Stevens are up, in the plural, and it doesn’t seem like it’s on good terms. She’s half expecting to get rocked by an explosion the second she makes it around the corner - the truth is somewhat less violent, but no less disturbing.

First off, everyone is panicking. They’ve all seen what this kid can do at his worst, and nobody is that interested in a round two. Amethyst and Connie, who had been napping with both his halves just a minute ago, are on the floor and babbling out incoherent explanations. Something to do with fusion and reptiloids.

Peridot is attempting her own explanation.

“They were sleeping, but then they started hugging each other? And glowing? And _screaming?_” She gestures at them frantically. “I mean, the screaming happened after a _significant_ amount of hugging, but now look at them!”

She’s already looking. Above the bed, the two Stevens hang in mid air, inside a pink barrier formed of jagged sharp edges. Gem Steven is wearing the same blank face as usual, but somehow more strained, glaring at everyone nearby as if warding them off from daring to intervene. His arms are wrapped around his twin, holding him close with an unyielding grip. Human Steven, awake for the first time that Bismuth has seen, is fighting a losing battle to break free, crying and begging for help.

Bismuth isn’t exactly an expert on these matters, but it just isn’t right. Seeing Steven getting manhandled by his own clone is not something she was prepared to see today. She takes a step towards them, only for sharp point of the barrier to extend in her direction, jabbing at her like a dagger and halting her mid-step.

“Steven, stop it!” Connie yells, increasingly desperate. She’s picked herself up off the floor, and is now attempting to force herself into the Stevens’ space. Bismuth feels like that’s a dangerous game she’s playing. “You’re hurting him! You’re hurting _yourself!_”

“Oh man,” Amethyst bables, completely at a loss. “I was in his dream and we fused, but like, in our _brains?_ And then we stop fusing and he fused with himself, and all this wack stuff start happening-” She puts her hands to the sides of her head, overwhelmed, here eyes fixed on Steven. “What are you even _doing_, dude?”

“Steven,” Garnet says, level but forceful. “You have to let him go.”

Steven’s gem disagrees. As they try to encroach on his territory, he sends out a pulse of energy that crashes through them like waves. Only those in the furthest corners of the room are spared. Bismuth takes a knee, gritting her teeth through the pressure of his Diamond aura.

“Hold on,” she says, trying to stay calm. “Hold on, we gotta… give them a minute.”

As much as this hurts to watch, agitating the two of them isn’t helping anything. They’ve got to realize that. Not that seeing his human half in such distress is making it easy to hold it in. He’s up there struggling, with the first glimpse of a demeanour that looks anything like himself. His gem has been here the whole time, but there is a visceral emotional reaction to his distress that just hasn’t been present before.

“Steven,” Bismuth tries, striking for the closest thing to conversational as she can get when one part of him could be a ticking time bomb and other part is having a particularly miserable looking panic attack. “Can _you_ tell us what’s going on?”

“I wanna go,” human Steven manages, already getting too tired to fight with himself. He’s not looking at her, or anyone else in particular, just blindly into the distance. “Let me go… Please...”

Bismuth exhales. “Alright.” Now, she looks his gem in the eye. “How about you? Can you do that?”

“No,” he says, his grip tightening. His twin lets out a whine. 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” she says, reaching out but holding back from going farther. “No need to get like that with yourself. All we want to do is help.”

“Amethyst and I… we got them to fuse, but in their dream,” Connie explains, recovering more slowly from being knocked to the ground a second time. “But then… it’s like they were together, but not all the way. I saw all these… flashes, of stuff he was thinking about.” She rubs a hand over her face, like the weight of it is catching up with her. “Guys… it’s really bad.”

A few eyes glance towards Amethyst, looking for confirmation, or elaboration. She is clearly put on the spot. She raises her hands defensively, and then balls them into fists.

“L-Look, I… He...” she starts, but as her words get stuck, her shock turns into anger. “Well, what did you think? That it was _awesome?_”

“You saw his memories,” Garnet clarifies, a step ahead of the game, as usual. Bismuth is still piecing all of this together. If he was just going over memories of what happened to him, then he must be reacting to them now - but why is he fighting against himself?

Pearl and Greg are pressed into a far corner of the room, with Pearl standing defensively at his guard. Bismuth can only assume that she must have leapt to get him out of the way as soon as it seemed like Steven’s gem might attack. Now, though, Greg is trying to move forward. Pearl seems uncertain, dazed by the sight of her ward in such pain, but she lets him go, following after. Greg did pretty well at talking him down before, as fragile as he is.

Sure enough, gem Steven’s attention snaps in his direction as soon as he gets close. Bismuth hopes that this is a good idea.

“H-Hey Schtu-ball,” Greg says softly, raising a hand. “I know this is… a lot… but if you come out we can talk about it? It seems like you’re giving yourself a rough time…”

“Dad?” human Steven says, suddenly focused on something. He squirms, gasping for breath and reaching with needy fingers. “Dad, help, please…”

Greg moves closer, reaching back. The sound of his son’s acknowledgement is clearly a shock to his system. “Steven… I’m so sorry…”

Something shifts. Where there was hollow aggression before, a flash of pure anger comes to gem Steven’s face. The barrier begins to change shape, a spear of light thrusting in Greg’s direction. Bismuth doesn’t know if it’s just a threat, like it was to her, or if it’s going all the way - she chooses not to gamble on it.

She pushes into its path, flexing her fist into a thick hammer-head. She meets the point of the barrier straight on, shoving it back even as she can feel it threatening to break through the light of her arm. Greg is knocked down, but Pearl is quick to catch him, pulling him away despite his protests.

Up in the air, Steven’s human half screams. It’s a gut wrenching sound. 

“Stop it!” He fights back more desperately than ever before, shoving at his twin’s face and beating a fist on his chest. He clearly cannot actually hurt his gem, but it seems like he might want to. “Stop… hurting people!”

“Stupid.” His gem looks at his other side, and it’s like something has broken. There’s nothing but enmity. “Weak.”

“I don’t care...” His human side cries with increasing little control, his throat ragged. “You killed them. You… You killed all those people… You… You tried to...” He cries out again, trying to break his grip. “Get away from me!”

Bismuth’s gem goes cold in her chest.

“Useless.” For the first time Bismuth is worried that he may actually hurt himself. She pulls back from the barrier spike, racking her mind for what to do. What can _any_ of them do?

“I hate you,” Steven sobs, and it’s like everything else has fallen away. “I hate you.”

It all falls apart at once.

First, the barrier vanishes, in a sprinkling of light. A mere moment later, and gem Steven drops his human half completely, leaving him to fall against the bed below them. He says nothing more, he looks to no one else. He stands, stepping on air, and begins to walk away.

Connie, Amethyst and Greg bolt for his human half, as soon as the walls blocking them are gone. The fall hasn’t hurt him badly, but he’s laying on his side, breathing raggedly and miserably. The rest of his family is soon to follow. It’s hard not to focus on that, given everything that’s happened. 

Bismuth can’t keep her eyes from lingering on his gem half, though, as he just… leaves. He leaves all of them behind, with no expectation of comfort or support. Like he doesn’t think he needs it. Maybe he doesn’t even _want_ it. 

She stays long enough to see that his human half is stable. Then, she can’t help but follow in his footsteps, offering only a wordless touch to Pearl’s shoulder as she goes.

Outside of that room, it’s so quiet in comparison.The sound of water pours in the distance, but most of the activity has been hidden away in favour of tending to Steven’s situation. In the distance, Yellow and Blue diamond loom over proceeding, confused and devastated, unsure of how to help without making things worse. 

Far from it all, she sees the pink light of Steven’s gem form descend to the ground. Maybe it’s crazy to come at him one on one, after everything she’s seen. But, maybe the group is too much, for someone so uncomfortable with feeling. She approaches.

“Steven?” 

“No,” he says, kneeling on the ground, sitting quietly with himself. “I’m not.”

Nearby, one of many small waterfalls pours, more decorative than practical. No matter how utilitarian the Empire could be, its buildings have always had an eye for beauty. With so little to give for their own happiness, gems could still appreciate the grandeur of architecture.That had been everything that Bismuth knew, before Rose, and before this. 

She sits on the ground behind him, far enough to give him distance. She doesn’t like the feeling of standing over him. 

“...I get why you did it,” Bismuth says, after a period of silence. She doesn’t know what it’s like to be him. She can’t really argue about who or what he is. She can relate, though. “You weren’t wrong to defend yourself. Even if it hurts.”

“It doesn’t.” He stares at the ground ahead of him. “I don’t want it to.”

“...Yeah,” Bismuth sighs, leaning back on her hands. “I bet. That’s a lot to take on. It would be for anyone. But, y’know… sometimes the loss of life is worth hurting over. Even if it isn't your fault. Even if somebody forced your hand.” 

He doesn’t respond to her. Maybe he doesn’t like that she’s here at all. If he remembers this later, and it helps at all, then it will have been worth it.

“Pretty sure I felt like you do. Like I shouldn’t have to think about the gems I took out, not when they started it. It doesn’t seem fair, right? They drive you to the edge, and then it’s on your hands when they’re the one that goes down.” She definitely has a few memories she doesn’t look back on favourably from during the war, even beyond the obvious one. “But you reminded me… it’s that feeling that keeps you honest. It’s the feeling that keeps you searching for a better way.”

He doesn’t turn to face her, or show any sign of appreciation, but she’s fine waiting. She doesn’t mind doing this on his terms.

“They don’t want me.” There isn’t sadness to his voice, but there is emptiness - deeper and darker than what's been there before. His arms cross around himself. “I’m broken. Weak. I can’t fix it.”

As much as this hurts to see, as hard as it is to look at him, she watches regardless. She won’t look away.

“Broken or not, whole or not, we want you. We want every part of you, Steven.” She wants so badly to scoop him up into her arms, but she knows that he won't want the same things his whole self would. “No matter how many cracks and dents. Even if you’re in pieces. All we want is for you to remember how to want yourself.”

He falls quiet again. It’s so hard to know when something she says has landed. So, finally, she tries to offer him his own chance to speak.

“So… what do you want? What do you want to do right now?”

“To go back,” he says. That could mean so many things. Back to who he was? Back home?

“To Earth?” He lifts his head, staring into the distance.

“To where it happened.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in getting this one out! It turned out to be really hard - mostly because in the middle I was completely at a loss on how to progress! But I figured it out! It's cool.
> 
> Speaking of how to progress, I may not have another update this week. The story is getting into endgame, here, and I may need to take some time to think through the outline for the final chapters. It'd probably somewhere like 8-10 chapters left and right now they are sort of vague because I knew the story would evolve as I wrote it. I'd like to get those hammered out.
> 
> So, expect a Monday update. That seems most likely.


	19. Only Human

For a human, Steven’s blood pressure is impossibly low. As Pearl runs her fingers over his chest and neck, she has the sense that a normal organic would have already gone into shock. Perhaps it’s a lingering effect of his hybrid biology, or the routine application of Diamond essence that keeps his body from collapsing in on itself.

He’s still too cold, she thinks, and wonders about getting him another blanket. After his other half left the room, they had done their best to get him bundled up and calm - the former was a lot easier than the latter, even if he has developed a reflexive resistance to having his movement restricted. It took a while for his breathing to regulate, but now it’s settled on the shallow side of normal.

It’s hard to choose the right words. With so many of them here, so desperate to latch onto his limited awareness, she worried that they will only smother him. They’ve all been waiting for the chance to speak to him, to tell him how much he means to them in case he slips away again. She spent so long wondering what she would do if she never got another chance. 

She could have spoken to his other half, she supposes, and during their time waiting she’s tried. In reality, though, she knows even less what to do with an empty gem that she does with a human. Nothing she knows of Steven seems to apply to his gem, and that’s not the case with his leftover human side. She can see her Steven in there, even if he’s drowning in circumstances she can’t comprehend.

He speaks with emotion. He cries. He cares. Upon seeing her, he said her name. These are the luxuries she’s been missing. She clings to them, even as his demeanor remains unmistakably changed. There’s too much fear. He can’t hold a conversation for longer than a few minutes without losing track of himself. He’s in so much pain, with no ability to hide it. 

After those first hectic moments, they take turns sitting with him. They try not to tire him with questions, allowing him to speak when he wants to speak, and answering him instead. He has a lot of questions, and many of them he asks repeatedly, information slipping easily through the cracks in his mind.

_“Where am I? Is this real? What’s happening to me? Can we go home? Is it safe? Are you okay? Please... I just want to go home.”_

He asks after people who have only strayed out of his sight for minutes at a time. Right now the most common ask is for Connie, who went after Bismuth, who had gone after his gem in turn. Pearl can’t help but worry, but she doesn’t say as much. She tries to trust that the Diamonds are watching for trouble, as hard as it is to trust them with anything.

“She’s right here with us,” she tells him. “She’ll be back soon.”

“I saw her in my dreams,” he explains, his words frail and wandering. “And… and Dad. And Amethyst. Was… Was that real? Did they see me?”

“Yes,” Garnet says, stroking his hair. “You got through to us, Steven. They couldn’t stop you.”

Pearl isn’t sure what difference it made in the long run, besides giving them reason to believe he was still alive. Maybe that’s all it needed to be. More than that, maybe it would help him to believe that he hadn’t been completely powerless, and that something he’d done had mattered.

“Yes, Steven,” Pearl says, perhaps too eager, grasping his hand in hers. “You were so… so strong.” She starts to get choked up. Can’t she do such a simple thing without overwhelming herself? “We love you, Steven. We love you so much.”

Something almost like a smile flickers across his face, before it’s washed away in another wave of discomfort and confusion. It’s like they can’t keep hold of him. Every time it feels like they have his attention, he drifts away again.

“I… I tried to…” he murmurs, his gaze shifting into the middle distance. “I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to be sorry,” Garnet says. “For anything.” Pearl wishes she could sound as confident as her - so gentle and reassuring. Instead, even seeing Steven like this makes her feel like she’s breaking down. She has to fight every moment to keep her panic from spreading to him.

“I thought I was… I couldn’t get up, I couldn’t…” It’s easy to see the struggle behind his eyes, as he tries to sort through the memories that pain him. It feels like he wants to explain, but like he doesn’t know how. All they can do is continue to offer small physical reassurances, reminding him of their presence. “They were… so…”

Pearl can feel the muscles in his hand twitch, his fingers growing tense around hers. She looks up at Garnet, wishing for guidance.

“It’s okay,” Garnet urges. “You don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to.” Steven looks at her, realization striking.

“Where’s my…” Steven shifts beneath the blankets, searching for something. He starts trying to sit up, his eyes widening, the seeds of panic beginning to germinate. “Where… Oh no. I’m… I’m dying. I’m going to… I can’t…” 

“Your gem is here!” Pearl blurts out, desperate to calm him. “It’s just not… inside of you!”

“My gem…” He’s clutching at his belly, lacking the strength to get up despite his effort. Suddenly, he goes limp again, his chest heaving. Tears prickle his eyes as he stares towards the ceiling. “What did I do?”

This isn’t the first time he’s gotten to this point - in the time that he’s been awake, he’s remembered his fight with his other half on a few other occasions, though never with much clarity. He can put it out of mind long enough to calm down, to rest for short amounts of time, but it’s always temporary. It always comes back to this.

“Your gem did what it could to protect you,” Garnet says, unrelenting in that stance. “The reptiloids took away your ability to be yourself.”

“I killed them,” Steven gasps, the first sob of what would probably be many. “I remember… I… I wanted to…”

“No!” Garnet says, and Pearl can sense that she’s having to hold herself. It could easily become a heated argument, were he not so fragile. “They took you away from your gem. They took away part of who you are. You couldn’t possibly consent. To that - or to anything. You weren’t yourself, Steven.”

“It… It doesn’t… They’re dead, because of me.” Steven looks away from her, closing his eyes, the tears forced out and sent rolling down his cheeks. “The Empire hurt them and now they’re dead.”

“They hurt _you_,” Garnet insists, reaching down to rest a hand on his cheek. “You matter, Steven. You matter as much as they do. No amount of suffering forgives what they’ve done to you. You… You were innocent.” She takes a moment, lowering her volume and calming her tone. “We can mourn the loss of their people once you are healed.”

For a while, Steven weeps, his sorrow only making his already difficult breathing more arduous. Pearl holds his hand close, stroking the back of it with her thumb. This side isn’t quite himself, either, she thinks. How can they make him understand when he isn’t himself?

“He doesn’t care,” Steven finally says, his voice small and frail. “He thinks I’m stupid.”

“Who, Steven?” Pearl prompts, though she thinks she knows.

“My gem… He doesn’t care. He doesn’t care about what he did, he… he didn’t have to…”

“Us gems…” Garnet says softly. “We don’t always know a better way, on our own. We think we understand everything from the start. Your gem… he has even less to work with than us. He needs you, Steven, as much as you need him. Even if he doesn’t see that.”

“I… I hate it.” Steven’s response is pure suffering. “He ruined... everything.” He doesn’t know what to do with his situation, he only knows how he feels. At least, in this way, he’s saying it out loud for once.

“You have so much love, and so much forgiveness… for everyone but yourself.” Garnet removes her visor, trying to meet his gaze. All three eyes are creased with regret. “You showed the Diamonds, the entire Empire… you showed _us._ You showed us things we could never have even imagined. Even me. The past can’t be changed, but people can be. You have to believe that, after everything you’ve seen.”

“I can’t stop thinking about it,” he whimpers, and Pearl gasps, wiping at her own tears as they start arriving, out of control. “I-I’m… Everything… It’s never going to be the same…”

“Oh, Steven,” she whispers. “You don’t have to be the same.”

“Caring for others is part of who you are,” Garnet says, leaning close. “But so if defending those you love. You need to think of yourself. Without your gem, you may have never gotten free - and I know it’s not in your nature to accept that cost. But… I believe that he only wanted the best for both of you. Once you are rejoined, he’ll understand - and you can strive for better, together.”

“Is… Is that real?” Steven asks, looking at Garnet. He raises his hand as it to touch her face, but he can’t muster the strength. “Can you see it?” Garnet glances away.

“It _can_ be,” she says, and Pearl can see her strain, even as she tries to hide it. She puts her visor back on, concealing herself before it’s too late. She looks back to him, managing a smile as she ruffles his hair. “We believe in you, Steven. Every part of you.”

Steven slackens at the shoulders, finally beginning to relax. Pearl is relieved, though she wonders how long it will last before it starts eating away at him again. In the end, they don’t get to find out, because circumstances end any chance at rest early.

Steven’s gem is back, and it’s with Bismuth and Connie in tow. His radiantly pink visage stares ahead, taking in the room, only to meet the gaze of his other half - who recoils in reflexive fear. The tension is so powerful between them that it’s almost as if it’s formed of literal waves of energy. Pearl feels desperate to break it.

“St-Steven!” Pearl calls out to his gem, waving nervously. “It’s… It’s good to see you back.”

Bismuth offers her a lopsided smile, and carefully rests a hand on gem Steven’s shoulder. Connie is looking at his gem, too, smiling in a way that seems to be attempting comfort. Pearl can feel her own Steven’s hand begin to clench again, as if he wants her to whisk him away to somewhere else.

“Hey, so… Steven’s been telling us that he wants to go back to the defunct colony we found them on,” Bismuth explains. She doesn’t sound so sure of it herself, but she does sound like she wants to give it a chance. “Think there’s a way we could make that work?”

Human Steven shrinks down, his eyes wide and his shoulders shaking. He stares back at his other half as if he is frozen in terror. Garnet looks up, her mouth falling open, as if she’s just realized something groundbreaking. Her hand blindly finds its way to Steven’s shoulder, squeezing gently.

“Go back,” he murmurs. Across the room, his gem half shallowly nods.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't have a big plans for this chapter besides "human Steven gets some comfort" because he deserves it. Even if he is still very sad. I missed my usual time slot today, but at least this is basically done. I was sick this weekend, which didn't help. 
> 
> Human Steven isn't really in a good mental state to coherently talk out his issues, which makes this difficult for everyone. Pearl is having a hard time because I really get the impression that her way of comforting is to do things instead of saying them, like general fussing, so when there's nothing she can do that way she's at a bit of a loss.
> 
> UNRELATED, I finally finished some art for this story: [see it bigger right here on my Tumblr!](https://quixocalypse.tumblr.com/post/188958116662/this-is-a-cover-type-image-i-drew-for-my-current) This is meant to be a sort of cover image for the story. I have some more ideas I'd like to draw for it, too.
> 
>   



	20. Repair

A lot is happening, suddenly, but Peridot’s attention remains razor focused. Everyone is talking at the same time. The Diamond are leaning in over the walls and between the unnecessary decorative pillars, loudly asking questions. The pinker of the Stevens has caused quite an upset with his request, but on those twins is where Peridot’s interest rests.

Even with a million distractions, the Stevens remain transfixed on each other. The gem version stands there staring at his other half, barely paying attention to the discussion that he started. On the bed, the human side glances around frantically, but every time returns to his gem’s gaze. Sometimes his mouth moves, like he’s whispering something.

Peridot has been doing the best she can to understand his situation, ever since it was discovered. Through a mixture of the Iolite’s explanations and her own deductions, she thinks she is coming to comprehend the science of it. The social aspects are much less clear. Just who are these two halves? What parts of Steven do they contain? Part of her wants to try to divide all of Steven’s noteworthy traits into two columns, but she can almost hear Steven himself in the back of her mind, telling her that things don’t work that way.

Are the two of them communicating, she wonders? What exactly does Steven’s gem hope to gain from this exploit? Human Steven seems scared of the mere suggestion of returning to that place, but that much is expected. Peridot doesn’t relish the idea of going back there, either.

Gem Steven moves towards the bed, and human Steven shies away, hiding behind Garnet’s shoulder. He shakes his head slightly, as if responding to a question. The gem’s face is as unreadable as always.

Around them, the others are discussing the logistics - whether it would be safe, whether there’s anything to be accomplished, and whether White Diamond would allow it. Peridot can’t help but speak up, looking to Bismuth.

“Um… Bismuth… has anyone _asked_ him why he wants to go there at all?” 

“We tried,” Bismuth answers, making a helpless gesture. “It might be… more of a hunch?”

“I remembered something.” Gem Steven doesn’t break eye contact with his twin as he speaks, staring him down as if trying to make a point. Human Steven seems like he’s starting to panic again. Connie takes notice, moving towards him.

“Steven, it’s okay. You don’t have to go anywhere if you don’t want to-” she begins, but before she can get close, gem Steven has reached out to grab her by the shoulder. She gasps, freezing in her step. Human Steven jerks forward, reaching out a hand.

“Stop it,” he says. Connie looks between the two of them, clearly at a loss for who she should be listening to. She grimaces, placing her hand over Steven’s and carefully pushing it off of her shoulder. 

“I… I couldn’t possibly understand what you are going through right now, but I’m here for _Steven._ And that means both of you.” She’s trying to keep it together, but her voice is wavering. “I know you are upset, and I know that neither of you wanted this, but… all we want to do is help you feel right again. Can you tell us what you need?”

“...It removed me,” gem Steven finally says. “It will put me back.”

“The machine,” Amethyst says, suddenly, her eyes wide. She looks at Connie, possibly for commiseration. Peridot leans forward in her seat, hoping for more. Amethyst has said a rare few things since she woke up from her nap, and most of the details have been left a mystery. 

“There’s a _machine?_” Peridot prompts. “Why didn’t you just _tell_ us that?” Amethyst growls, crossing her arms.

“Because it scared the bejeezus out of me, okay?” she snaps. “I… I didn’t even really see it, myself. It was like… a feeling.” She looks at Connie again, pleading. “C’mon Connie, you tell them!”

Connie exhales shakily, crossing her arms around her belly.

“...The… The reptiloids used some kind of machine to remove Steven’s gem,” she says reluctantly. “When were were in his dream, we saw some of what happened to him, and… and it was like the device they had could remove his gem, and also put it back in.” She looks to gem Steven for confirmation, who gives her no feedback whatsoever. She looks to human Steven, but he is hiding his face in his arms. Pearl has wrapped her arms around him, whispering in soothing tones. “They… They did it more than once. It’s like… they were studying the process…”

“So… that’s perfect!” Peridot announces, throwing up her hands. “We just have to take them back to the lab they were using, and do the same procedure in reverse!”

It’s only then that human Steven sobs loudly enough for everyone to hear, Pearl’s attempts at comfort proving ineffective. He squirms away from her, pushing himself up against the backboard of the bed. 

“No,” he cries, kicking out his legs and resisting any attempts to hold him, as if he’s afraid that any one of them will haul him back to his prison. “I can’t… don’t make me. Don’t make me go back there, please. Please…”

“Steven,” Garnet pleads, trying to touch him but retracting her hand after a moment of thought. “You can’t live like this!”

“We can’t risk taking them!” Pearl decides, which Peridot assumes in mostly in response to Steven’s fearful reaction. “Can’t you see he’s terrified?”

“The planet is occupied with my soldiers!” Yellow Diamond booms from up above, unwilling to remain quiet any longer. “If there is a device there that can help him, I will accompany the mission myself.”

“But Yellow,” Blue Diamond says, covering her mouth with a hand. “What will White say? To take Steven off Homeworld, now… can’t we simply collect the machinery and bring it back here?”

“Unacceptable!” Peridot says, standing up on her chair. “From everything I saw, that technology was more than half alien! We can’t risk uprooting it from its natural environment - there’s no guarantee it will be functional if we bring it to Homeworld!”

“We couldn’t even get it to work when we were there the first time!” Amethyst says, watching human Steven’s panic and clearly allowing it to infect her. “How is this time gunna be different?”

“Last time we have more pressing things to worry about!” Now that Peridot has latched onto this idea, she doesn’t want to let it go. It feels so much better to think about a tangible problem to solve, as opposed to hour after hour of this waiting room purgatory. “With both Steven stable we could take the time to analyze it properly!”

“I already have gems surveying the wreckage,” Yellow Diamond says, seeming to agree with Peridot’s sentiment in a way that is really quite surreal for her. It almost makes her want to be contrary about it - but only almost. “With your team of Iolites, and…” She glances at Peridot and waves a hand uncertainly, “...an additional Peridot, we will have time to find a solution.”

“Wait…” Peridot starts. “You mean you sent a team of Peridots there _without me?_”

“That’s not what’s important here,” Bismuth says, cutting her off before she can start throwing a fit. Peridot shrinks back down. Probably for the best, really. “What’s important is Steven, and whatever will get him back into one piece. His gem is good to go, but his other part? We gotta figure this out, first.” She comes to the foot of the bed, kneeling. “Steven… I know that place must come with a lot of bad memories. But we don’t have a lot of options.”

Human Steven clutches his arms around himself, defending his belly and turning his shoulder, like he’s trying to hide from all the eyes that have been drawn in his direction.

“Steven…” Peridot mumbles, losing some of her energy. This is really complicated. Fixing people is so much harder than machines, and she’s afraid that she’s never been good enough at it. “Please let us help you. I swear I can do this, if you give us a chance.”

It’s a bold promise - and when human Steven looks at her, part of her wants to retract her entire statement. He looks so... broken. Does she really want to make promises, when things are this bad? What is she doing, can she erase that last thing she said…?

“I… don’t want to be like that again…” human Steven murmurs. Pearl rests her hand on his shoulder, but looks completely lost. Worried observers linger nearby - Lapis, looking like she’s on the verge of speaking but faltering, and Greg, waiting for the moment that he can offer comfort without getting in the way. What a terrible position. They’re all stuck between worrying about his feelings and worrying about saving his life.

Connie exhales, bolstering her spirits. Then, she turns to take gem Steven by the hand. 

Carefully, she tugs him towards the bed - Garnet stands and gets out of the way, so that she can make it to human Steven’s side. She offers her hand to him, smiling uncertainly as she tries to get his attention. Human Steven doesn’t look up. Behind her, his other half lurks.

“Steven…” she says softly, leaving her hand aloft, waiting for him. “It’s okay if you’re scared. But… we want to save you. Both of you. You and your other half… you’re both going through the same things. Maybe it will make more sense when you’re together?”

Human Steven glances at her, but it doesn’t last. He looks like he’s scared of his other half, more than anything. Connie’s hand wavers, hesitating, but that doesn’t stop her from renewing her effort. 

“Don’t you remember, when you were separated before? You were so happy to find each other again.” She manages another wobbly smile, quickly wiping her eyes before extending her hand again. “You’re the same person, Steven. Once we figure out how… I know you’ll feel better.” Still no reaction. Seed of desperation begin to bloom across Connie’s face. Suddenly, Lapis moves towards him.

“It… hurts, right? The thought of going back?” she blurts out. “I know it does. But… you have to. If things are ever going to get better… you have to.”

Finally, human Steven looks up at her, his eyes red and swollen with tears, his shoulders shaking with emotion. He closes his eyes tight, and then cracks them open, looking at Connie’s hand, and carefully moves to take it - only to shudder the moment his fingers touch hers. His breath catches as their eyes finally meet - and then turns into a choking sound as his other half step into view. Their gazes latch onto each other immediately, his human half freezing as if about to be struck.

It’s a weird feeling. Even from where Peridot is standing, she can feel the potency of the energy between them - more than simple tension, it’s like a tether of power. She’s a bit taken back by it all, watching the mirror image of Steven stare himself down through Connie. Until, finally, one of them cracks under the pressure.

Human Steven looks down, his hand still in Connie’s, but otherwise slumping down in surrender. 

“Okay,” he breathes, and that’s that. Connie looks between the two of them, unsure of what just happened. Lapis frowns, glancing away as if ashamed. There is undeniably little joy in the revelation - it feels more like resignation than agreement.

“...If we are going to go,” Blue Diamond begins, hesitantly, “then I will ensure that his human half is safe.”

“Me too,” Greg says, rushing over to the bed from where he’s been anxiously lingering. “Don’t worry, buddy. We’ll be with you all the way.”

“We can take the legs,” Yellow Diamond says. “That way White won’t know we’ve left. I will prepare the survey results in the meantime.”

With permission given, it’s time to move towards action - no matter how unsatisfying of an agreement it is. Maybe it’s too much to hope that these vague assurances would be enough to make Steven really feel safe. Maybe reluctant cooperation is the best they can hope for.

Peridot sighs, sliding down into her chair. Amethyst is hovering nearby, with an apprehensive look on her face.

“Should we be doing this?” Amethyst whispers to her. “I mean… look at him.”

Human Steven has let go of Connie’s hand, and has recoiled back to curl against the mattress. Gem Steven still just stands there, relentlessly looming. Peridot makes a weary, helpless sound.

“I don’t know,” she says. “But we can’t… we can’t leave him like this.”

Behind her, Peridot feels Lapis’s hands on her shoulders.

“You can only run away for so long,” Lapis murmurs, her fingers tensing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter... is not the most exciting thing. It's really about logistics, and setting things up for the next situation. Also group scenes are hell. It's so hard to establish what everyone is doing. I could spend a lot more time poking at this, but really I just want to move on.
> 
> Sorry for the slower updates. These chapters are harder because we're getting towards the ending - also I've been writing hard for long enough it's getting a bit tiring. The next one should be more exciting, at least. Hoping to get it up this week but we'll see.


	21. Common Ground

Dozens of hours later, and Lapis still can’t believe she had the gall to say that. ‘If things are ever going to get better, you have to,’ she said. ‘You can only run away for so long,’ she said. It was ridiculous, coming from her, yet it was the only thing she had to give: lessons she had clumsy taken from Steven himself, regurgitated back without context or sense.

She had months, years, to figure some of this stuff out. Steven’s barely been free for two days. He’s not even a whole person yet. How could she ask something like that of him? Even as they near the colony, she still wonders. She isn’t the sort of person who should be giving anyone advice. She’s not qualified. She’s barely qualified to function from day to day.

Yet, she feels like she needs to do _something_ to help him. She’s spent so many hours quietly holding back, knowing that her opinions and perspective is probably worthless, while the others put the work into soothing him. For a moment, she’d just felt like she couldn’t be silent anymore - not when she saw feelings in him that felt so familiar. 

If Steven felt the same things she did, then was he doomed to be like this forever? Like _her_? She can’t stand the idea. She never wants him to be anything like her, feeling so afraid and so spiteful and so impossible to relate to. They have to fix this. He needs to get better. She wants to give him back the culmination of the lessons she’s learned, and let him skip to the part where he can feel okay again.

That’s probably too much to hope for.

The trip has been a quiet one, even if the tension is strung tight enough to have its own volume. Spending nearly a full day in the same room as a pair of Diamonds is not something Lapis had ever wanted, but at least they seem to be minding their own business. Steven’s human part is resting in Blue Diamond’s hand, cradled against Greg’s lap. His gem part is doing what he usually does, which is standing around, either watching people or staring at nothing.

Occasionally he has leapt up to Blue’s hand to visit his other half, but never for long, and there is an uncomfortable distance to it. His human half looks nervous when he’s close, and it’s hard to spot, but she feels like she can sense his gem half’s rejection. Usually, self loathing isn’t such a public affair.

Yellow Diamond announced to her troops that they would be arriving before they left Homeworld, but now that they are near, nobody is answering the leg ship’s hails. 

“I should hope they simply don’t recognize this frequency,” she comments, increasingly annoyed. “Pearl, take us in.”

Pearl, who has been flying the ship, pauses to look irritated with that demand. She crosses her arms, doing no such thing.

“I don’t think I appreciate-” she begins, but Yellow corrects herself before she can finish.

“Pardon me,” she says, with an impatient roll of the eyes. “Please, take us in, if you _see so fit_.” Pearl grumbles, but aquiesses. Fortunately, she’s not willing to delay Steven’s treatment due to such a slight.

The leg ship lands heavily on the planet’s surface, and from the moment they’ve arrived something seems wrong. No gems have gathered at the signs of their arrival, which is odd with the presence of three whole Diamonds.

Yellow Diamond herself seems wary upon landing, accessing a few of the ship’s systems to scout the locations of nearby gem vessels.

“...I need a better view,” she says, a moment later. “We should convene up top.”

Pearl doesn’t wait for a command this time. The exit protocol activates, and a series of bubble portals begin escorting them all to the roof of the ship. From up there, they can see everything. Lapis takes to the air, soaring above the others. The same ruined buildings spread out below them, marred by the remains of the two reptiloid vessels that Steven’s gem had downed before. 

It’s all very quiet. There’s no sign of activity from any of the gems that were supposed to be guarding this place. Lapis swoops back down towards the group.

“Peridot…” she starts, feeling they should prepare themselves for something to go wrong. Yet, even that is too late, because it already has. Steven’s gem is walking towards the edge of the ship, ignoring the various shouts that follow him.

“Steven!” Blue calls after him. “You and your other half should return to the flight room until we have a safe path ahead.” He pauses in his step, his fists clenching tight. Lapis looks towards human Steven, who his leaning up in Greg’s arms, his eyes going wide.

“No,” his gem says, turning only for a moment and casting them all an unflinching stare. Then, he leaps, gliding towards the ground below. In the same moment, his human half stirs, reaching his hand towards his disappearing twin with sudden fear.

“Wait…” he rasps, squirming in Greg’s arms. “No!” Blue DIamond looks down at him, horrified.

“Steven!” Yellow Diamond barks in alarm, rushing forward as if to stop the fleeing gem. But he’s already gone, his glowing form vanishing over the edge of the craft and down towards the wreckage below. 

“Steven!” Lapis calls after him in unison, then looks back to Peridot urgently. “Peridot, I need the water!”

Peridot is in mid panic herself, but Lapis’s request seems to bring her back into focus. She flicks on the small communication device she’s wearing, connecting to Pearl down below. 

“Pearl! Eject the bubble! The Pink Steven has gone rogue!” she says.

“What?” Pearl stammers, but she doesn’t let her surprise get in the way. “R-Right away!”

Another pink bubble emerges from the hull of the ship, folding open to reveal another bubble within it - a teal sheened one that is full to bursting with water, courtesy of Earth. Lapis had let herself be weaponless before, and she doesn’t intend to do it again. With a sway of her hands, the water becomes taut, breaking out of containment and swirling around her, joining her wings in a veil of moisture.

She turns to look at Blue Diamond.

“We’ll follow Steven’s gem. You better keep his other half safe while we’re gone.”

“Yeah! Right on!” Peridot cheers, and hops into the trash can lid she still uses as a surfboard. The two of them are set to take chase, when Garnet surges ahead of the crowd.

“Take Connie!” she says.

“What?” Connie gasps. She has her sword with her, but she looks as if she wasn’t expecting to be called on to use it, or for her to be the one to chase Steven. It calls for an abrupt change of plans, and the edge of desperation in Garnet’s tone leaves them all off balance. “Um… okay!” She looks at Peridot and Lapis. “_Is_ that okay?”

“Are you sure?” Lapis asks, looking at Garnet uncertainty, but she soon shakes it off. Now is not the time. “Whatever, this is fine. Just like old times!”

“How should I…?” Connie starts uncertainly, but Lapis saves her the trouble by flying over and hooking her under the armpits, getting ready to fly. 

“All you have to do is hold on.” With that, they are in the air. Connie yelps only once, and then settles in, her body stiffening in Lapis’s arms. Peridot following after, squinting to spot the glowing pink dot in the distance.

“Where is he even going?” she says. “The… vessels?”

Right now the closest target seems to be the reptiloid ships, only a couple blocks of ruined buildings away. With flight it isn’t an issue, and Steven’s gem doesn’t seem to be have much trouble either. Lapis can see him leaping off of the side of the crumbling structures in the distance, propelling himself towards his goal with impressive speeds. 

“Steven! Wait for us!” Connie calls after him, but it doesn’t seem like he’s going to listen. Lapis knows she probably wouldn’t, if it were her. She tightens her grip on Connie, increasing her pace. Peridot makes a surprised sound behind them, trying to keep up. 

Before they can get there, though, a pulse of Diamond energy rips through them - from ahead, there’s a blinding flare of pink light. Is that Steven? What is he doing? Is he going to attack them again? Lapis pushes down that rising panic, and brings them around the final building blocking the way - at which point the answers become clear.

A bolt of _something_ launches in her direction, and Lapis only barely manages to swing out of the way of it. A second blast targets Peridot, who cries out and shields herself with her flying disk at the last moment - only to be met with the sound of sizzling burns. Something bright and green has splattered against the metal, and it’s corroding at a rapid pace.

Peridot bails, crashing onto the ground below. Ahead of them stands Steven’s gem half, facing down something that lurks in the shadows of the crashed ship. His pupils are tiny, and his expression is rigid.

Lapis sees it - large, slithering shapes, and the crackle of yellow energy. The reptiloids. They’re here. 

Another barrage of hot green bolts launch from the shadows, but this time they find resistance - a pink barrier effects around them, shimmering and faceted. Steven keeps staring straight ahead, practically ignoring the assault besides one key factor. It’s then that Lapis notices the details. 

Gems - there are gems laid out on the ground ahead of them, in the no man’s land between Steven’s protection and the lurking alien threat. Jaspers, Peridots, Iolites, even a couple Topaz… 

And she can see a few of those gems in clutching reptiloid hands. They’re… collecting them. Gathering them up and storing them away in weird organic containers, that grow around their bezels and hold them in place…

Finally Lapis understands, and it terrifies her. 

“They’re… They’re taking them,” she says, letting Connie down as her arms go limp. “They’ve been taking away those gems.”

Things she’s heard talked about before start racing through her mind - that other outposts had been attacked, that no witnesses were left behind - what happened to Steven, the torment they’d inflicted - the way they seemed equipped to experiment on gems at all.

The water she’s been holding around her falls, splashing onto the ground. Peridot is still recovering from her crash, but Lapis can hear her calling out behind her.

“Lapis?” she squeaks.

Steven’s strange half form, shining with pink energy, turns to look at her. For a moment there is understanding. They know the same things. They see what this is.

“No!” Lapis cries, and draws up the water around herself again. She thrusts it towards the group if reptiles ahead of them - and just as the water would crash into Steven’s barrier, he moves it out of the way. Good, she thinks. He understands. He knows they have to stop this. 

The water forms into concussive blasts, striking two of the beasts back against the stone wreckage created by the spaceship crash. Another volley of green acid fires from angles that Lapis doesn’t even understand and can’t make out the source of, but they all splatter against Steven’s shield. 

“Guys, wait!” Connie cries out, but Lapis ignores her. Steven does too. “Don’t… you have to be careful!”

“Lapis?” Peridot stammers again, but she disregards it. 

Lapis keeps attacking, but now that they are alert, the reptiloids move with alarming speed. They come in a variety of shapes, some large and imposing, others small and fast, and some with fluttering wings. None of them look quite the same, with different arrangements of arms and serpentine hair, and patterns of scales that shift from shades of bright green to dark brown and black.

She doesn’t care, she thinks. She doesn’t care about each individual, or what makes them up. She just wants them gone.

“You can’t - Steven, he’ll never-” Connie is pleading, but it’s like she doesn’t know how to say it. That’s fine. She probably doesn’t know what she’s talking about. She’s never faced the idea of being ripped from her body and held helpless.

In the chaos, they don’t see the shift. Above them, another reptiloid has appeared on wing - jamming an electric yellow blade into Steven’s barrier. Crack lines begin to form, cutting yellow streaks through the pink facets, and threatening to tear the whole thing apart. Lapis feels like she’s cracking, too. She’s going to get poofed, she thinks, and then they’re going to take her. They’re going to put her away, or experiment on her, and there’s nothing she can-

“NO,” Steven yells, loud enough that the force of it kicks up dust around him. He thrusts out his arms, and a pulse of violent energy blasts off of the barrier - it sends the reptilian wielding the blade flying with a screech. Even as it does, Steven’s shield breaks into fragments, sharp and floating around them like a wall of spikes.

The destabilizer blade falls to the ground in the middle of them. Steven moves his hand, pressing his palm outward, and the spikes shift directions - taking aim at the reptiloids all around them.

“Steven!” Connie cries out again, with increasing desperation. She slides to grab the destabilizer blade, but she stops there, looking to him in terror.

Yet, before any of them can do anything, a shadow looms above them - it's hull shifting out of camouflage, the looming form of a reptiloid fighter craft is revealed. Lapis remembers this. It’s the same style of craft that fired on her so long before, on the day that Steven was taken.

At its core, she can see the green glow of its weaponry charging.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to have this out on Monday, but I'll be honest, I was playing Pokemon. 
> 
> The next few chapters are all action scene, which I find can be really hard or really easy depending on how well it flows. Wish me luck! I'm intending on always hitting at least one update a week but I'd like to manage two. We shall see. 
> 
> All this SU:Future stuff has me flipping out, which is taking up a lot of my time.


	22. Worth Protecting

As Steven’s gem disappears into the distance, his human half is left squirming and crying out uselessly in Greg’s arms. It feels like if he was given the option, he’d be crawling right off of the edge of Blue Diamond’s hand, fixated on following his twin. It’s hard to make sense of - the way his son doesn’t want his other part near, nor does he want him far away.

Maybe Steven is feeling something from this separation that Greg doesn’t understand. That’s all it takes to get him going, in the end. Maybe having his gem go so far from him is painful - maybe it’s hurting him, _killing_ him, even. Greg whines in soft confusion, even as he tries to comfort the panicking boy in his arms. 

“I think something’s wrong,” Greg says, working on pure instinct. “I think… I think they aren’t supposed to be this far away from each other!”

Maybe he’s wrong, maybe he’s just being hysterical, but he can’t bear seeing Steven be in more pain than he’s already been in. He knows his halves are having their _difficulties,_ but how can they hurt themselves like this?

“Then what is his other half doing over there?” Yellow Diamond asks impatiently, making a futile gesture in the direction he fled in. She’s moving towards the edge of the ship, though, clearly planning her next move. Greg’s not sure what place he has in making recommendations, but he doesn’t want this to go on.

“Stop… stop,” Steven’s human half is pleading, tears in his eyes, reaching out a feeble hand towards the horizon. “I… I can’t…”

He’s too weak to fight even Greg’s meagre efforts, but it doesn’t make trying to contain him any easier on an emotional level. 

“Do you need us to follow him?” Greg asks, doing his best to keep a level tone. “We can do that! Just tell us what you need, Steven. We’ve got you.”

“I can feel… I can feel them,” Steven murmurs, his own excitement rapidly sapping his strength. “It’s so loud…” He’s delirious, even worse than before. He doesn’t answer Greg’s question, and it does seem like he’s going to. Can he even hear the people around him, or is he too focused on being somewhere else?

At his point, Pearl has arrived from down below, regrouping with the other Crystal Gems. It’s hard not to look for answers from Garnet, given the situation, but she is remaining silent, the strain of it showing only very slightly around the edges of her expression.

“What did Peridot mean that he’s gone _rogue?_” Pearl is asking. Bismuth shakes her head, pointing into the distance.

“The second we arrived, he just flew off that way. He’s going for something. You should have seen the look he gave us. That was a gem on a mission.”

“So, what are we doing _here?_” Amethyst urges. “Something’s obviously messed up, none of the Homeworld gems are around, and… look at his human part!”

Steven has devolved into simply shaking in Greg’s arms, though he occasionally makes a futile grasp for something in the distance, heaving out ragged breaths. This is bad, and only seems to be getting worse by the second.

Blue Diamond is looking down at the two of them, the strain of witnessing it beginning to affect her, too. She raises her other hand, proactively shielding her tiny passengers from harm. 

“...Spinel,” she says, after a moment. Spinel, who has been lurking nearby with the rest of them, perks up at the mention of her name. Blue Diamond takes a step forward. “...You should stay with the ship. This is going to be… dangerous, I think.”

“Whuh?” Spinel sputters out, eyes widening as the two Diamond make their way towards the edge. She almost trips over her feet, following them. “N-_No!_” 

Her cry is loud enough that it cuts through the murmurs of action around her. Blue Diamond pauses, looking back with alarm. Yellow Diamond looks as well, with a more restrained sort of bafflement. Spinel recoils, a hand flying over her mouth.

“I’m sorry,” she says. “I just… You don’t gotta leave me behind. I can help! I want to help.” She looks at the ground beside her, smiling ruefully. “I may not look it, but I can be a pretty tough customer.” Blue Diamonds smiles.

“Oh, Spinel…” she says.

“Well, hurry up, then,” Yellow Diamond says, sweeping out a hand for Spinel to hop up on. Spinel exhales in silent relief, and then nods, bouncing onto Yellow’s hand and casually scaling up her shoulder with a swing of her stretchy arms.

Okay, they’re going. This is happening. They’re going out there, into the unknown, with a possible ambush or other mysterious disaster waiting for them. Despite his squirming, Greg holds his half of Steven close.

“Here we go, buddy. Hang on.”

“Alright,” Garnet says, breaking her silence. She spreads her arms, shepherding Pearl and Amethyst to her side. “Everyone… stay close. Pearl, Amethyst… Let’s do this one together.”

They both catch her meaning immediately. They nod in sync, extending their hands to join with her.

“Got it,” they say. In a flourish of movement, their forms dissolve, combining and growing to something much bigger. In a flash of shifting colours and light, Alexandrite appears. She only waits for a moment, to scoop up Bismuth in one of her many hands - and then, with a surge of renewed energy, she roars and dives off the edge of the ship.

“Woo!” Bismuth hollers, caught off guard but into it all the same.

“Tch,” Yellow Diamond remarks, watching the fusion plummet. “They hardly know what they’re getting into.”

“Well… they are one-quarter Sapphire…” Blue Diamond says with a cautious smile. She looks down to Greg and Steven. “Are you ready?”

“Ready when you are,” Greg says, voice cracking. He holds onto Steven, and it even feels like Steven holds him back.

Yellow Diamond goes first. She employs nothing to soften her fall, instead relying on sheer strength and durability to stick the landing - which she does. Greg gets a pretty good view of this happening, because when Blue Diamond follows, its with a swirl of her giant dress, the fabric spreading outward and allowing them to float downward. It looks strangely familiar to something Greg has seen Sapphire do, a rare handful of times.

Tresses of white hair flutter around them as they descend, and Greg realizes that he is putting all his trust in this enormous space goddess - the former empress of a tyrannical empire, and the troubled parental figure to the love of his life. The very same one that had picked him up in a single fist and carted him away to be put in a zoo.

He isn’t afraid of any of that, though. If anything, it just feels so strange - how much can change in such a short time, even by human standards. How much has changed, because of the boy in his arms.

Blue Diamond lands gracefully, and together, the three towering gems head towards the ruins in the direction that Steven’s gem fled. It isn’t long before they are interrupted - but not by the thing they were initially expecting. 

A pack of three Jaspers and two Peridots come running towards them, waving their arms frantically. They must have been hiding in the wreckage.

“It’s the Diamonds!” one of the Peridots squeals, the fingers on her limb enhancers spreading frantically. “We’re saved!” The largest Jasper, one with brownish-orange colouring, drops onto her knee, folding her arms into a salute.

“I apologize for our incompetence, my Diamonds!” she pleads. “Our communication systems were disrupted - and the enemy came wielding destabilizers! We have no idea where they got them, but the Topaz were eliminated before we had time to adjust!”

“We’re the only ones that managed to escape!” the Peridot adds.

Yellow Diamond growls, her fists clenched as she scans the horizon. “Where are they _now?_” Yet, before they can answer her, there is a sound of heavy stony shifting nearby - and Greg turns his case to see that one of the nearby gem buildings is beginning to fall.

“Aaah - everybody back up!” he yells, covering Steven’s body with his own even if it will accomplish absolutely nothing. The tower is falling right in their direction, with Yellow Diamond’s soldiers caught in the shortest path. Blue listens, pulling the two of them out of the way, but Alexandrite and Yellow Diamond are disinclined to bend.

Both of them grab for the towers itself, trying to shift its trajectory off to the side and away from the others. However, Spinel turns out to be unwilling to rely on those efforts.

“Outta the way!” she yelps, stretching out her arms from her place on Yellow’s shoulder, bundling up the very confused Jaspers and Peridots and slinging them away from imminent destruction with a whip of her elastic arms. The moment Yellow sees that the smaller gems are clear, she looks to Alexandrite.

“Now!” she shouts, and the two of them push together, allowing the tower to crumble. The place where the soldiers just stood is soon overtaken in massive chunks of debris. Even Yellow Diamond is huffing with effort by the time the dust begins to clear.

“Th-Thank you, my Diamond!” the brownish-orange Jasper babbling, picking herself up off the ground the moment that Spinel lets them go. Spinel herself slumps against Yellow Diamond’s neck with a wheeze. “We… We are unworthy of your protection!”

“Stop it,” Yellow Diamond says awkwardly, frowning. “...That is unnecessary. You are… as worthy of protection as any other gem.”

It sounds like she’s reciting from a cue card, but it has the intended effect. The small gaggle of gems looks absolutely in awe. Sadly, there isn’t any time for pleasantries, because something big is looming above them, revealed by the fall of the tower.

It’s a trio of spaceships - ones exactly like the gems had described, on the night that they told him Steven had been taken away. Clawed blades serve as landing gear, and the interior of the scaled hull’s shape bends around something that glows violent green. 

The green explodes outward, and Yellow Diamond is the first to react. Crackling with energy, she thrust her shoulder in the way of the reptiloid’s fire. The green light flows like liquid, sizzling off of her electricity and sending subtle distortions through the light forming her body.

“Protect your gems!” she shouts. “That acid can permanently destroy what it touches - organic material or otherwise!”

Alexandrite hisses, splitting open her second mouth and spewing fire at the nearest spacecraft, which is enough to make it back off, but not for long. The ships are dogged in their assault - swooping past and firing with a closeness that would easily threaten the pilot’s lives.

Then, something even more alarming happens - Greg realizes that Steven has finally clued in to what’s happening around them. His eyes are wide with terror at the sight of attacking alien ships, and the Diamonds and Alexandrite fighting back against them.

“St-Stop!” he cries, and pushes himself against Greg hard enough that he almost sends himself tumbling out of Blue Diamond’s hand, as she focuses on summoning a bubble of high powered aura, ready to fling it towards one of the ships. 

“Steven, come back!” Greg cries out, grabbing his son’s arm and tugging him back. It saves him from falling, but his boy is still in a panic.

Blue Diamond’s bolts of aura fire - one of the vessels takes a hit to the side, seemingly damaging its thrusters. It remains airborne, but it’s swerving, its next blast of acid going far off target and searing the ground below.

“Please,” Steven begs, his voice frail despite his attempts to yell. “Please don’t hurt them.”

Yellow Diamond lights up with power, gathering energy in her hand, seemingly to strike a finishing blow against the damaged ship - only for a team of winged reptiloids to swoop out from their defensive position within the ruins, firing smaller arms that launch whips of blue energy towards her wrist, tugging her off course. Yellow Diamond growls, swinging her fist in their direction - one reptiloid is struck by the back of her hand, sending it careening into the ground below.

“No!” Steven cries out, and it’s finally enough for him to be heard. “Please! Please… Please stop. We did this. The Empire did this to them. We can’t… I can’t keep doing this. I can’t.”

“Steven?” Blue Diamond asks, her eyes going wide with surprise. Alexandrite has paused as well, looking towards Steven’s human half with a helpless expression that barely fits her wild appearance.

Yellow has broken free of the flying reptiloids now, forcing them back with a crackling aura of lightning. When she turns to face him - it’s with a flash of genuine fear.

“What would you have us _do_, Steven?” she pleads. “They’re _attacking_ us!”

“I…” Steven begins, but is startled when another blast of acid flies in Yellow Diamond’s direction, causing her to growl in pain. He gasps, falling back into Greg’s arms. Above him, Blue Diamond is beginning to panic as well.

“Steven, what should we do?” she asks, as softly as she can manage while her own fear bleeds through at the edges.

“I don’t know.”

The first time it comes through like a whisper - a breath, as something breaks loose in Steven’s mind. His gaze falls to the nothingness before him, his words beginning to catch.

“I don’t know,” he sobs, tears beginning to trail down his cheeks. “I don’t know. Please. I can’t… Stop.”

He bends forward, clutching at his hair, and Greg does everything he can to hold onto him, even if it feels like he’s still slipping away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GOD. The ultimate combo. A big group scene that also becomes a combat. The true nightmare.
> 
> It's done though, and I hope it reads okay. Action is a tricky thing to write, I find. The notes for this in my outline were something that ended up being mostly tonally inappropriate, with how the story developed, so I had to shift things as I went. Fun fact: in my very first outline this was going to be the first Greg POV chapter. Conveniently, the number of chapters has basically doubled since then, and I'm clearly glad Greg had his piece earlier on as well.
> 
> Warning; the next few chapters are probably all going to be cliffhangers because it's all this big mess and all linked together, so my condolences.


	23. Falling

He isn’t afraid. He doesn’t know how to be.

Concerned, maybe. Steven doesn’t dwell on the words. What he knows is that there is a threat, they are being targeted - he analyzes and reanalyzes, searching for a solution. It arrives at the same conclusion, just as it has before: safety will come sooner if the enemies fall, and will stay longer if they don’t get up again.

He has the trajectory mapped out. It could be trivial, even, for the reptiloids not protected by the hull of a ship. One shard each, to the right location - they may dodge, they may reorganize, but he can make more. He’ll keep making more until everything stops, unless he can collect the gems he’s come for. 

They call to him like softly humming notes, each so subtly different in pitch. Frequencies in his ear, light in the musical spectrum. They can no longer scream, but he can hear them regardless - just as he’d wished that someone would hear him.

That idea feels distant, now. There are echoes of it in his memory - the feeling of being constrained, of being hurt. There was terror, and anger, and despair. Now, he can dissect what those concepts mean, but only in the abstract. He can’t feel them like this should, and there is comfort in that. Decisions are formed of much simpler equations, and all of this could be so easy…

...if it weren’t for one little thing.

It’s the part of himself he feels reverberating across the wreckage, the voice that pleads in his ear. Even this far away, he can still feel its pull. _His_ pull. The pull of thoughts that feel like ghosts, speaking just so softly he can’t make out the words, only the intent - a memory of the past.

It’s an intent he can’t comprehend. He doesn’t speak the same language now. The thrum of his gem speaks only in instinct - in opposition to wrongness, and in the pursuit of progress. He knows that his current state feels wrong. He knows that the idea of these gems being taken feels wrong. He knows that progress will come faster if he moves without hesitation. 

He knows that progress will come _easier_ if he shakes off the cries of his mortal side. It is fair to do so, and it appeals to his sense of balance. The human mind has no space for him, and so he has no space for it. What else can he do?

Since the moment he reformed, he’s felt his consciousness searching for purpose. The only one he ever knew was to return to himself. Yet, that’s become impossible. He’s tried. He’s pushed, and he’s fought, and he’s done everything he can to become himself again, and it’s still beyond his reach. Every time he plunges into the deep of his design, looking for anything else, he comes up empty. 

Gems aren’t supposed to be like this, he knows. Gems are supposed to know, they’re supposed to feel what they are. He feels nothing and he knows nothing, besides the push and pull of circumstance. The need to repair the wrongness that he can actually touch.

He sets his sights on the weapon of the reptiloid spacecraft, as its charge casts green light across him and those that have followed him. Enough force, and perhaps he can make the vessel collapse in on itself. The ship will fall, progress will come, and he will move forward, into the dark, until he finds the something he needs.

The shards of his power consolidate, and aim for the ship. Around him, there is noise.

Voices, beyond the one in his head, call out for him. The Lapis Lazuli (Lapis, his beach summer fun buddy, the only he’s ever know), the Peridot (collaborator, comrade, has come so far) and the [Designation Unknown] (Connie, Connie, _Connie_) cry out, and for just a moment, he spares them a glance.

The [Designation Unknown] -

The [Human] -

The Connie Maheswaran holds the disruptor blade extended between her hands, as if she means to strike but is too unsure to take a proper stance. She isn’t looking at the reptiloids, he realizes with a pang of wrongness - she’s pointing it towards him. Her eyes are watering.

“Steven,” she begs. “Steven, please, listen to me!”

“Connie, what you _doing?_” the Peridot yelps, with panic in her eyes. The Lapis Lazuli, instead, is angry.

“Don’t you dare!’ she shouts. “We need to finish this!”

“Steven, don’t.” Connie’s grip on the blade holds, but it’s tip begins to slump. “Your… Your other half, he’ll never…”

“Stop,” he says, reflexive. All he can recognize is that she is threatening him, and that is one of the greatest wrongs he can imagine. He can’t feel angry, or betrayed. Instead he just feels cornered, like the paths to escape this are closing down around him. All the while, that ghostly voice gets louder.

“Steven, please!” Lapis Lazuli begs. Ahead, the artillery is beginning to fire. The lurking reptiloid troops are preparing their next assault. He only has a moment to choose.

Searing green drowns them, only to be pushed back by an equally violent pink. Shards of pink light pull together, carefully reassembling to the barrier it was before, but wider and reaching - reaching to envelope the gems that lay scattered. He needs more light, and his gem provides, digging deep. Green bends around it, and then breaks - and once it’s done, it leaves stains of itself on the protective dome, dripping and burning but safety out of reach. Any reptiloids that were too close are shoved back into the trenches, incidentally shielded from the spray of their side’s own fire. 

The others are left staring. For Steven, there is no surprise. He may not understand what he is for, now, but he understands what he can do. Against his unchained might, the likes of these creatures never stood a chance.

Connie is his focus now. He stares into her, waiting for answers. Her eyes are wide, and he recognizes it as fear. He knows what that means, practically speaking, and that’s all that matters. She straightens her shoulders, breathing deep, trying to take this moment of safety to speak.

“You… You can beat them,” she asks, lowering the disruptor blade until the tip touches the ground “Right?”

“Yes,” he says.

“You could blow up that ship?” She moves a little close, letting the blade lag behind. “You could k-kill all these aliens?”

He feels no need to respond this time. She’s asking questions she already knows the answer to. She drops the blade, crackling, to the ground, and instead holds out her hands. He holds out his own, on reflex. It’s one of the few ingrained memories he has of his limited existence, in this form. A moment later, he lets them fall.

“You - the whole you - you don’t have to do it like this. You wouldn’t,” she says. “It’s not you.”

“I’m not me,” he says. She knows that. They all know that. Most of all, he knows that. 

“You’re part of you!” she insists, her plea wavering with emotion he doesn’t know how to read, even though he wants to. “And your other part… he’s so… he’s so afraid of facing what’s happened - it’s not fair! You were only trying to protect yourself, weren’t you?”

He doesn’t speak. Instead, he listens.

“Just… like you don’t want to feel what he’s feeling! It… It sucks. It’s really bad! Without each other, neither of you know what to do, and both of you are hurting. But… even if it’s easier to not face the whole picture… you have to! Or it’s never going to get better!”

“I can’t.” He searches for his own meaning, and even that is unclear. He can’t become one, because his other half won’t accept him. He can’t become one, because his gem is broken. He can’t become one, because if he does, the ghost in his ear will consume him. If he does, then progress may become impossible, and wrongness will be everything.

“You can,” she says, and her voice is shaking. “You… you have to. We’ll find a way. We won’t stop until we find a way.” She reaches out her hand to him, coming closer and closer. “But… but if you do this, if you kill these people… Steven, I feel like I’m watching you break apart, further and further, and… and if you don’t…”

How does one process the rejection of one's self? How do you return to a being that no longer wants to be the thing it’s become? Suffering, violence - what person will it have created, if he returns? What will be left? 

“I’m sorry,” she says. “I’m so sorry. You never started any of this. All of this… just… _happened_ to you, and now you have to try to fix it, and it isn’t fair. I know you did the only thing you could. I know you were protecting yourself. But now… Now you can choose. Now, you aren’t alone.”

Steven remembers falling.

He remembers the stretch of trees and grass below them, and the roar of wind in his ears. He remembers spiraling, breaking - he didn’t want it to be this way. It’s not okay. It’s not ever going to be okay.

He remembers Connie falling with him. She reaches out to him and he feels her arms fold around him, holding him tight even as the world races towards them.

“I’m here,” she whispers. “I’m here.”

They are swallowed in light, as a swarm of a million butterflies rises around them. A million thoughts, a million fears, a million pains. The vibrancy of his gem and the vulnerability of humanity meld into one, to the sound of a flurry of beating wings.

They are something else now. They are emptiness and they are violent emotion all at once. They are breaking and they are whole. The power of the light within cracks the surface.

In the end, they remain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IN THE HOME STRETCH.
> 
> Really hoping to make this finale sing, and we're getting there. Thank you so much for all of your support, you guys light up my life. I'm excited to reach the conclusion and give some of the release it sounds like you've been eagerly waiting for. I'm guessing there are five chapters left, now.
> 
> Also SUF is killing it so far and I'm so excited to see more, even if it distracts me from writing. I may tweak some stuff in the first chapter to be more accurate to what we know now, because I want to stay as compliant as possible, but it also seems pretty unlikely that sneople will be a thing in canon so I got this territory all to myself.


	24. Divided Together

She’s not even completely sure what she’s thinking, when she does it. She just sees Steven standing there, shards of incredible gem power floating around him, ready to strike, and it feels like reaching the end of the line. Like there are two rails going forward, and she’s the one ready to throw the switch.

Connie is terrified that if Steven kills again it will be the end of him. 

It’s irrational, she knows it must be. It’s not as if there is a precise quantity of trauma and violence a person can suffer before there is no coming back. Maybe she’s underestimating him. Maybe she’s letting her fear get in the way.

She also knows that the idea of Steven ever becoming himself again, and realizing what was done, agonizes her to think about. The idea of his human half knowing that blood was shed outside of his control makes it hard to breathe. Steven is right to be angry, and she is too - she hates these people, these creatures, these _monsters_, because of what they’ve done to him.

Yet, she knows what it will mean to him to take that step. It was one thing to kill when he was alone and cornered, the only one fighting for the life of his weaker half. It would be another to run into this confrontation and to continue killing, with power that makes it seem so trivial.

Would she really be any different in his position? If she was the one with such destructive power, wouldn’t _she_ be considering taking her revenge? Part of her wants it, wants to see that ship explode and for the troops the scatter in fear, like the triumphant end of a fantasy battle.

But there’s nothing triumphant about this at all, is there?

So, she lifts the disruptor blade into the air, levelling it in his direction. She’s being crazy, she thinks. There’s no possible way she can be even considering this. Yet in the moment, it’s the only way she feels she can make it stop. He isn’t listening. Could she really risk trying to dissipate Steven, to save him from himself?

Would he even poof? Would she be able to pull it off? Would it just make him angrier and more distrustful, more unwilling to cooperate? No, it’s too dangerous. 

But would it save him? Would it save any of them, by taking the violence out of his hands?

Suddenly, he’s looking at her, and she feels like she has become his entire world. He can see what she’s doing, what she’s considering. The idea makes her guts twist. She can’t believe herself. She can’t believe any of this.

She lowers the blade, and instead, she speaks. The words tumble out, seemingly without sense. Is he capable of understanding, if she tells him the way she feels? If she tells him her fears? Will he hear it at all?

Slowly, surely, the blade is dropped and she abandons it entirely. One foot after another, she closes in - wishing and hoping. So little comes from his mouth, but it all sounds so lost. It feels like falling without a parachute, falling towards him, putting everything into the chance that he’ll take her hand.

And then he does.

The effect is immediate. Connie’s world disappears into light as she embraces him, the soft hum of energy against her skin. She wants so badly to connect, to understand, that she bleeds into him easily, just as he bleeds into her. She hears the sound of wings and of air, and it all goes away.

Then, they are someone else.

Is that person Stevonnie? They don’t feel like it. Instead of intimacy and balance, there is a torrent of power thrumming through them, so wild and potent that it threatens to break apart their form. From the navel all the way to the very tips of their extremities, they can feel a pressure that could shatter them without the utmost care. This isn’t a feeling of safety and love, it is the feeling of finding yourself at the wheel of a crashing ship, and vowing you will stay there whether or not it sinks.

Their hair is loose and wild, shining bright with the light within. They see the cracks that trail along their skin, closing and opening with each movement, as their bodies resist but stand firm, all at once. They _feel_ \- feel like they haven’t for an eternity, feeling pleas for temperance and mercy in their own mind.

How had they forgotten?

There is a howling gap in their heart, but now passion and understanding rips through it as well, slipping out of reach before they can fully understand but making its mark nonetheless. They need to act now, they need to exist. They can offer guidance to this searing light in a way that no one else could.

There are gems at risk. Peridot and Lapis are at risk. They… They are hurting. All of them are hurting, and they’ve been hurting, and with this new perspective they can’t remember how they’ve survived so much suffering. The pain of watching a friend slip away, and the pain of being put through such torment - all of it collides right here, and part of them doesn’t know how to go on.

Yet, they have to go on. There is work to be done, and even through the hurt - of clashing emotions and aching flesh - there is a commitment that has been made. Steven has a mission. Connie has someone to protect. Together, they vow they will make it through, and make it back to where they need to be.

“Ste… vonnie?” Peridot asks, obviously thrown by the conflict in their appearance. Connie’s body with Steven’s gem isn’t how things are meant to be. It’s thrown everything off kilter, causing shifts in their appearance and mindset. Despite that, around them, the barrier is holding firm.

At first, every movement is a struggle. They look to Peridot, and then wordlessly walk several paces towards the resting place of the nearest fallen gem. They scoop it out of the rubble, lifting its shining yellow form into the light. Outside the barrier, the ship is waiting, preparing to fire again. The air is acrid. 

“Take these,” they say, their words feeling consciously clipped now, as the language struggles to filter through layers of separation. They look to Lapis in particular. ”The water… use it to take the gems to safety.”

Lapis is frozen now, as if caught in the middle of something shameful. She’d been egging on the fight, they know. That’s fine, though - they understand. If she feels anything like they do, they know how hard it is to face this.

“What about you?” Lapis asks, her eyes skimming the ground for gems. The water swirls, collecting each one she spots, and they listen for any that are missed. Could Steven hear this all along? The soft hum of silenced gem voices?

“I’m not done yet,” they say, looking towards the crashed alien vessel, and the still active one hounding their position. The reptiloids on the ground are changing positions, and a squadron of winged ones wait overhead, ready to fire. They will need to draw attention while Lapis and Peridot escape. 

They feel everything that Steven knew, all this time - and finishing this will take them as deep into enemy territory as they can go. They pick up one last gem, lost in the dirt, and hold it out for Lapis to take. It’s time to move on.

“Go.” Lapis holds the bubble of gem-filled water close to her, and after a small moment of hesitation, she nods. Lifting into the air, she grabs onto Peridot and prepares to flee.

“But… Steven? Connie?” Peridot is less ready to leave. She stares after them with plaintive eyes. “What if… what if something happens! What if they get you again?”

“It’s okay,” they feel themselves saying, and for once, their dive for the correct thing to say comes up with something. For once it isn’t met with pure emptiness. “We aren’t alone.”

They move with purpose.

The vessel’s cannon fires, and the barrier continues to ward it off. There’s a charging time between shots, they realize - time that can be exploited. As soon as the blast has settled, the facets of their shield begin to slide apart, regrouping to form around Lapis as she takes flight, and spreading outward to interfere with enemy fire.

They take to the air themselves, ricocheting between floating shards of the barrier, propelling themselves faster and faster towards the target of their attack. They draw Connie’s sword deep through the husk of the ship’s hull, splitting the cannon in two before it can strike again. Acidic vapour erupts all around them, rolling off the vibrant pink of the shield they raise.

Bounding off of another panel of light, they soar higher into the air, surveying the ground below. They remember seeing the ground troops, collecting the fallen gems into some kind of device. The gems are still nearby. They can feel it. 

The sight of wings catches their eye, and it doesn’t take long to realize - the flying reptiloids are making a run for it with the collected gems. They kick off of another panel, launching in the flyer’s direction, and dig a heel into the reptiloid’s unsuspecting back. A swipe of their blade cuts the containment device from their side, and it is scooped up by a perfectly timed kick of their heel. Above, the other fliers begin to fire from acid pistols built into their arms.

They launch off of the first flier, up towards the others. Dodging blasts, they come upon them in a swirl of blades, slicing through the bases of the acid launchers with tiny sprays of alien blood. Finally, they plant a foot into one of their faces, spiralling off into the air and leaving the flight squadron to falter, thoroughly discombobulated. 

From above, they see their destination.

They dive towards the wreckage, layers of protective light forming around them. Like an arrow they pierce the hull of the ruined alien spaceship, the same one they had destroyed days before with a violent flex of their true power. Walls of scales and hide break around them as they plummet, until they finally meet something solid - a still standing corridor, deep within the ship’s architecture. They rise to their feet, disbanding their shields. Inside, there is the smell of death.

It occurs to them then that a vessel made of organic components would rot like one, too. Enough of it is made of hard and dry chitin and other similar materials that the structure is firm, but many other parts of it are beginning to fall into decay. The part of the hull they entered through, already compromised by the initial crash, gave away easily enough - but now they are lost in dark, dank corridors, with only the glow of their own body to guide them.

Why did they come here, they wonder? The answer rises in their mind soon enough.

The memories are pristine, but it’s only now that they are being filtered through the mind of a human that they can truly make their mark. Memories of a place much like this, with soft bioluminescence and the smell of bodies. Memories of sharp, serpentine figures and closing doors.

This is a reptiloid ship, like the one that Steven was stolen away in. The one he was tortured in. The one where, for a while, hope had all but been smothered out. As they walk along its corridors they hear voices, real and imagined, pleading to them for salvation. Some of those voices are Steven’s, trapped and alone, persecuted by a war he had no part in.

Connie caught glimpses of this inside Steven’s dream, but it can’t compare to feeling it first hand. Their already grim surroundings take on an unreal quality, the past bleeding into the present, and ghostly sensations of unwanted touch creeping down their body.

“No.”

They don’t know what part of themselves it’s coming from - the sudden and wild need to stop, to unfuse. Their knee hits the musty ground, their head spinning with phantom pains. The reality of it all is like staring into the sun: they can feel the burn of its light even as they struggle forward, too clearly focused by the lense of human emotion.

This is why they are alone. This is why they can never be whole. It’s too much. They can’t take it. 

_We aren’t alone._

They wrap around themselves, lifting up memories of peace and reconciliation, memories of hope and love. They feel their own presence with a new clarity, a presence made of two halves. They’re never truly alone.

Bit by bit, they force themselves back to their feet. Moment by moment, they listen for the sound of voices - the voices of gems that only they can save. They’ll do it themself. They’ll do it together.

They find their way to the storage bay, and the voices finally feel close. It seems like a vault meant for important materials, but with the ship having died around it, it is lacking the security it once had. At the center of the room there is a pillar, divided into compartments. Around them, traces of lingering bioluminescence flicker.

They touch their hand to the scaley exterior of the device, shivering as they feel the texture. Within, the frequencies of the fallen gems have reached their highest pitch. 

They drag their blade through the outer husk, splitting the decaying material. Once an entrance has been made, they plunge in their hand, digging through layers of scales and bone to find what they need. Finally, their hand traces over a smooth, flat surface. Gems. 

They tear open the console with their bare hands, pulling it apart piece by piece until the prison is exposed. More than a dozen gems line the inner pillar, each one choked out by the husk sealed around it. One by one they pull them free, severing the bonds that hold them. Each one is a small vindication in the face of their own imprisonment, each one is a wrong made right. None of them will be forced to endure this any longer.

It's while they search for stragglers that they come across something else hard and smooth - vials of various sizes, holding liquid. Dark red, pale pink, shimmeringly clear. It takes only a moment for them to realize what this is.

Blood, sweat, tears. The things that were taken from him, harvested mercilessly and without consent. Their fingers linger on the surface of the containers, so clean and scientific, so indifferent to the monstrosity of their collection. The sounds of hisses and the crackling of disruptors fill their ears.

As the anger and humiliation floods to their face, widening the fault lines that dance across their skin, they realize they have been surrounded by the enemy they sought so desperately to escape.

Reptiloids have gathered in the entrance ways, willing to chase the diamond they want destroyed to the very end. They slither around the corners of the room, their varying sets of arms filled with destabilizers and acid weapons, ready to strike. At the center, with an arm full of rescued gems, they swing their sword towards the alien threat, warding them off as anger causes their gut to burn. They can see now that the sword is corroding, damaged by the acid. Ruined, like everything else.

The reptiloid did this to them, and they’ll do it again. They were victims, but now they are victimizers, so brutal and callous, how could they ever be forgiven?

Pink light surges around them, flooding the room. It would be so easy - just like before. Unleash the strength within the diamond, make them pay for what they did. Make them pay for every gem they wounded, for every hour of captivity. Bring the energy in, and then push it outward - these organic forms would be slaughtered, and trivially. Revenge must taste so sweet.

But… that’s always what this was, wasn’t it? This was always revenge.

Revenge against the Diamonds, which became revenge against innocents. Steven’s own violence against the reptiloids, which they were now trying to pay back in kind. Even as the power threatens to explode outward, to offer them security at the expense of everything else-

They know they don’t want this. They never want this to happen again - and if they strike back now, it will. Again and again.

As a reptiloid lunges for them, destabilizer in hand, they make their decision. They channel all of their energy upwards, grasping the fallen gems in their arms, surrounding them in a protective bubble. They can protect these gems, and in the end, that’s all they ever wanted to do. They just wanted to protect. With a cry, they smash the vials of liquid with the butt of their sword, and they leap.

They rise, the point of their blade leading the way, through layer after layer of darkness - only to emerge into the clear sunlight. They can see the wreckage of a fallen city spreading out beneath them, and the sight of three giants in the distance. The darkness of the ship’s hull falls away, and then it’s only them and the gems they’ve saved, floating high above the cycle of destruction below.

They know what they have to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT: Updates are currently delayed due to holiday stuff. I'll be back with new chapters in the new year!
> 
> Gunna mostly let this one speak for itself. Thanks to [EchoFour](https://archiveofourown.org/users/EchoFour/pseuds/EchoFour) for proofreading! He is truly the fiercest beta in the west. I wanted to give this one a bit more polish than usual, because it's special.


	25. Another Chance

He’d been so ignorant to believe that things could be different. 

Clarity comes and goes, like flashes of sharp, cold breath before being sucked back beneath the surface. He feels a few constants, like the weight of his father’s arms around him, and the constant shifts of Blue Diamond’s movements, but the details hardly seem to matter. The violence feels distant and endless, while all his scattered thoughts can manage is ruefully assigning blame.

All of this started with gems. Gems, and their need to expand and absorb, for reasons Steven still doesn’t fully understand. Three Diamond queens, with an image of their world so rigid, yet so ready to shatter at the first proof that they were undeniably wrong. How long had the reptiloids suffered under the Empire, and for nothing? How far had gem kind come, only for change to come too late?

Too late to save dozens of planets and billions of species. Too late to save the reptiloid’s home. Too late to save him.

Nothing is ever going to be the same.

Somewhere far away, Steven can feel the throes of his other half’s struggle, painted in broad strokes of blinding pink and green. He can’t control him. He can’t control himself. He already failed, he already destroyed everything about himself that ever mattered. He - they - they’ve done things he can never take back. Even if he never wanted this, lives have been extinguished, and it seems that even more will be destroyed today.

He sees vibrant flashes of lightning, aurora, and fire. Three giants struggle with the assault of reptiloid ships, and it’s a battle to which Steven is finding it more and more impossible to believe will end in anything but death. They asked him for answers, and he has nothing. He doesn’t know how to stop this, and he doesn’t even know how to try anymore.

He’s too weak, too stupid, and far too late. Maybe his gem half is the one that doesn’t need _him_ anymore. If war is the only future they have, maybe it’d be for the best. Even now, he can’t bear it. Maybe he just isn’t strong enough.__

_ _How can he feel like he was a fool for ever believing in himself, while simultaneously knowing that he is a coward for thinking so? Everything he understands about himself is broken edges and contradictions, bundled together in the hands of people who had seen so much in him. Was anything about him ever real?_ _

_ _“I’m sorry,” he finds himself mumbling, to everyone, and also to no one in particular. Above him, he sees another flying squadron of reptiloids trying to get close - maybe the Diamonds should just let them. “I can’t… I can’t fix this.”_ _

_ _“You don’t _have_ to fix it!” someone cries, and the desperate urgency summons him out of the fog. He cracks open his eyes, and he sees his dad gazing down at him. _ _

_ _Greg’s eyes are brimming with tears, and it occurs to Steven that he’s probably heard all the things he’s been mumbling - apologies and condemnations on himself, and the space empire he came from. He feels guilty for that, too._ _

_ _“None of this is your fault. You’ve given the Diamonds everything you could - you showed them a way of living they never would have believed before! You… You did things even Rose couldn’t imagine!”_ _

_ _Steven looks away from him, and away from the haze of battle. He can’t bear looking at him right now - he can’t face the weight of those expectations. So, he showed the Diamonds a new way. So what? How long did that last? Two years? He should have known that it would never really end. War is starting all over again, and he’s helpless to stop it. _ _

_ _“Steven…” Greg is still trying, running his fingers through his son’s curled hair as if hoping to pull back his attention. Steven feels his own tears brimming, trailing down his cheeks as he lays there, broken. Greg’s thumb brushes across his cheek, only for his hand to guide his eyes towards the struggle going on around them. “Please. Look at them.”_ _

_ _It’s only now that Steven’s gaze really focuses on the chaos around him, picking out details instead of assuming destruction. The reptiloid ships are still active, which is almost a surprise - surely the Diamonds have the firepower to have taken them down by now? However, that starts to make sense, the longer he looks._ _

_ _Blue Diamond, making desperate sounds from up above them, is wielding her aura - but not in the forms of lasers, as he’s seen her do before. Instead, she seems to be folding that energy into bubbles, attempting to snatch flying reptiloids out of the sky, and to block the path of the vessels that are harassing her. Any creature she manages to contain, she simply puts aside - he can see them inside the bubble, still moving and alive._ _

_ _Out ahead, Alexandrite crouches on a ruined building, an Amethyst styled whip in each of her six hands. The whips are wrapped around the fragments of old structures, and coiled back towards a center point - where they entangle the damaged reptiloid ship from before, like a net of brambles. He can see the damaged thruster letting off gasps of steam and heat, but the hull is otherwise undamaged. _ _

_ _The one struggling the most seems to be Yellow Diamond, but instead of simply allowing her impressive destructive force to tear through her attackers, instead she is in the process of wrestling one of the ships to the ground. Crackles of electricity target its thrusters, but not so much to break the vessel apart, even as Yellow’s grunts of discomfort and frustration pepper the confrontation._ _

_ _They’re still trying, he realizes. They could have won already, but they haven’t. They’re trying to take mercy - even if it’s a mercy that the reptiloids won’t offer them in return._ _

_ _The idea of it draws a choking sound from his throat, so overwhelmed by it all. They’re trying, but he wanted to give up on them - to give up on gems. To give up on himself._ _

_ _“I know gems have done some really bad stuff,” Greg says, carefully holding Steven close. “But they’re changing! You showed them the path, and now it’s their job to walk it.” His voice wavers, trying to keep steady despite himself. “And… And if you can forgive them, you deserve to forgive yourself. No matter what happened - you can be what you want to be, Schtu-ball.”_ _

_ _Before he can respond, they are violently jostled by a blast that sends Blue Diamond staggering. A violent green sear of acid has exploded across her shoulder, just barely missing her gem - the vessel she’s been holding off has finally landed a shot. _ _

_ _“Steven!” she gasps, shielding him and Greg with her body even as the acid burns against her, causing distortions through her form. Steven tries to sit up, but his body is too weak. He feebly reaches out a hand, wishing he could do something to protect her in return._ _

_ _Yet, before the reptiloid ship can strike again, something blindingly pink flashes through the air at its base, severing the acid canon with a blade of light. It doesn’t take Steven long to figure out who it is - it’s so familiar, but different, and his entire heart cries out for it to come near._ _

_ _It’s Stevonnie - or someone like them. In some ways their cracking, ethereal form looks closer to Connie than usual, but the presence of his gem is incredibly clear. Glowing waves of pink hair cast them in silhouette, while lines of overflowing energy cut through their form._ _

_ _In the same moment that longing overtakes him, so does dread. His gem is back in the fight. What will he do? Will he destroy the ship? Will more people die, because of the part of himself he can no longer control? Will they drag Connie down with them?_ _

_ _But he’s wrong. After the canon erupts, sliced in half by Stevonnie’s sword, no violence follows. Instead, Blue Diamond takes her turn, still holding him and his dad close as she extends her energy, grasping around the ship with a bubble of light. Without the cannon, there’s nothing to disrupt it. It’s over._ _

_ _The flying squadrons have been captured. The reptiloid ships have been downed. Even as Yellow works to finish destroying the flight mechanism on her opponent, it’s clear that the battle has been turned. Stevonnie drifts through the air towards them, like a descending ray of light._ _

_ _Blue Diamond breathes a sigh of relief, focusing efforts on keeping her bubbles contained. There is only one person that Steven can focus on, though - and that’s his other half, guided by the steady hand of his best friend - his knight. Around them are bubbles filled with rescued gems, waiting to be released at the first sign of safety._ _

_ _When the fusion reaches the ground, they shimmer with energy, pouring outward as they split into two halves. The glowing form of his gem body steps out of Connie, while still ready to support her in his arms as she staggers, clearly drained by the experience of fusing. She seems ready to collapse. Yet, the Stevens’ attentions can only truly be on each other._ _

_ _Carefully, Blue Diamond lowers him and Greg to the ground. All the while he never breaks eye contact with his other self, searching for something he didn’t see before. Shards of memory flash between the two of them, their bond strengthened by proximity. For once, Steven does not reject the sensation outright, not allowing himself to be driven away by fear._ _

_ _Connie takes a step back, her hand lingering on his other halfs shoulder for only a moment before letting him go. She looks ragged and weary, but there is a determination that makes it clear she is going to see this through to the end._ _

_ _“It’s okay,” she says to them, softly. “You can do this.”_ _

_ _The callous violence that he’s come to associate with himself is missing, now. There’s still emptiness, still that desperate need to protect - but there is flicker of understanding in his eyes. A desire for a part of himself that had felt so rejected before._ _

_ _He can be who he wants to be._ _

_ _There’s a sense of clarity between them now, which, at one point, had felt like it was lost for good. Intermingled thoughts, drifting sensations - he can feel the vitality of his gem, in the same moment he can feel the trickle of human emotion returning. _ _

_ _Inescapably, he can feel pain - the pain shared between them, experienced together, and separate. He can feel the desperation for safety, for closure, for the right answer. Neither of them has it, on their own. They were never meant to be alone, though. All this time, the separation, the rejection of self, only made their pain worse. _ _

_ _He wants to be himself again._ _

_ _He extends a hand to himself, and they link their fingers with a thrum of power - he thinks his gem initiates, but it's so unclear. There is no overwhelming joy, this time, and the echoes of that memory from White’s head are bittersweet in comparison. Instead, there is reaching out, there is hoping, there is a search for understanding and connection. There is reconciliation. Emotion creases across his gem’s face, the reality of everything striking him with true clarity for the first time. _ _

_ _Silently, his own tears begin to fall. This is the moment he was running from, he realizes. The moment when reality would meet him. The moment when he would have to be human, and be gem, once again. _ _

_ _He brushes away his own tears, moving closer and closer, until his foreheads touch. They burble with strained laughs, holding each other’s faces, as the emotions break free. The agony. The relief. The need to keep going, and to hold on._ _

_ _He dissolves into himself, thoughts changing, memories realigning. It shakes him to his core, to feel the disparity of these two lives. Yet both of them are him, and with both, he can finally be whole._ _

_ _When the light fades, he crumples down to his knees, his arms wrapped around himself. One set of knees. One set of arms. He turns his eyes upward, and sees Connie standing there, waiting for the boy she thought she’d lost for good._ _

_ _“Steven,” she gasps, no longer able to contain herself. She stumbles towards him, falling to her knees as well - the hug each other desperately, the emotion continuing to bubble out of him even as his mind whirls, waiting for new information to settle. Soon, his dad is with them, too, tangled on the ground together as giants watch overhead._ _

_ _“I suppose our objective is no longer necessary,” Yellow Diamond says, still winded by her wrestling match with the reptiloid ship. Behind her it rests on the ground, its propulsion systems smoldering. Yellow’s reaction is one of relief, above all, but Blue Diamond is not so contained. She throws her arms around Yellow, not bothering to hold back tears._ _

_ _“Oh, Yellow, he’s back,” Blue Diamond says, weeping with joy. “He’s back.”_ _

_ _Alexandrite looms overhead, with Bismuth riding her shoulder. There is the sense of unease that usually comes with Alexandrite feeling intense or complicated emotions, like she might just break apart - but she doesn’t. _ _

_ _“Steven,” she says, and it’s enough to know what she means._ _

_ _“Welcome back, kid!” Bismuth calls, waving an arm. Overhead, a familiar winged gem is joining them._ _

_ _“Hurry, we have to - Steven!” It’s Lapis. Steven remembers sending her away with a bunch of poofed gems. They must be in the ship, now. “You… We have to get out of here, now. Peridot is already at the controls.”_ _

_ _“What about these… creatures?” Blue Diamonds asks, looking towards the downed vessels and scattered reptiloid soldiers. Steven’s heart flutters, wondering what will come next. What do they intend to do, now that the fight is over? Take prisoners? Chase them away?_ _

_ _"Are all the gems recovered?" Yellow Diamond asks, looking towards Steven. Haltingly, he nods his head, the memories feeling scrambled and uncertain. There aren't any gem voices calling out to him, anymore. Yellow turns back to Blue._ _

_ _“Leave them,” she says. “We have more important things to worry about.”_ _

_ _Steven finds himself in a daze as they are gathered back up into Blue Diamond’s hands, heading towards the leg ship. Allowing the reptiloids to tend to their wounded, they leave the battlefield behind._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M BACK - AND SO IS STEVEN!
> 
> I apologize for the break in posting. I was travelling for the holidays, and I didn't have the focus to write while visiting with people away from home. I'm back now, though, and am hoping to get this story done this month. Three more chapters! 
> 
> In the meantime, I have another SU fan project I'm working on, in the form of a good old [AU ask blog](http://sufaeu.tumblr.com)! This one is a re-imagining of the Steven Universe story where the magical element of gems are replaced with fae, and Steven is a faerie prince on the run/Connie is a YA fantasy protagonist. Drawing was something that was much easier for me to do while travelling so I was focusing my art attentions here.
> 
> Finishing Divided is my top priority at the moment, but when that's done I'll probably be writing some stuff for this fae AU as well.


	26. Back

The things that come next are overwhelming, and Steven isn’t sure that he experiences any of it clearly. After they are in the ship, after the reptiloids and planet are fled, there is what feels like an endless expanse of time in space ahead of them as they make it back to Homeworld. Endless time, in a ship that somehow feels incredibly small.

He didn’t notice it before - or rather, one half of him hadn’t been fully cognizant of his surroundings, and the other was numb. The ship feels enclosed, though, and with too many people. Even if they are exclusively offering him love and well wishes.

Everyone has their piece to say. They want to tell him that they love him, that they missed him, that they are so glad he’s back. He can sense the reassurance they are hoping for - that they’ll see that he’s himself again, that they’ll see that he’s getting better.

He’s not sure when he is going to be able to offer either of those things. They are trying so hard to be gentle, to be kind. Yet, he’s only just been tenuously glued back together, and they’re looking for the cracks. Inwardly, Steven is afraid of the cracks, too. He’s afraid of pushing too far, of digging too deep, and having everything crash down around him again.

Like taking careful steps across thin ice, everything is unbearably precarious. Every time he tries to speak, there feels like so much is screaming inside of him, just waiting to get out. At one point, he finds himself deliriously crying, and he realizes that the ice has broken beneath him.

They are quick to act, at least, and Steven himself doesn’t have to handle much of what follows. They ask him what he needs, and he says he doesn’t know. They ask him if he’d like to go somewhere quieter, and he says yes.

They take him to a more secluded part of the ship, down one of its massive legs. They have it set up with his stuff, much to his surprise - the mattress, freshly cleaned, and some blankets, food, and spare clothes.

He’s wearing his pajamas, he realizes now, and he’s not even sure when that happened. Clothing hadn’t been a concern, as his gem. As a human, he’s been so focused on a million other things, it had been the furthest thing from mattering. He was wearing clothes, period, which was better than it had been a short time before.

He ends up hanging out on the bed, and only a few people are there, this time. It’s a lot easier to manage. Even if the exact people seem to switch in and out beyond his notice, it is familiar enough to be comfortable. Finally, he’s not crying anymore. Instead, he is just feeling tired and confused. So tired. Extremely tired. Actually, he realizes it feels like he’s been running for days on end, like both his gem and his flesh have been pushed to their limit.

He falls asleep, while somebody strokes his hair. He likes it, he thinks, but even knowing that, occasionally thoughts wander to memories of unwanted hands, and threatening creatures holding him down in a much darker place. 

He dreams about it, for a while. He dreams that this isn’t real, that he isn’t safe after all. When he wakes, it’s hard to believe his dreams were wrong.

“Steven?” someone asks. He opens his eyes, feeling bogged down with sweat and no less tired than he was before. Connie is sitting there with him. His head is on her lap, and her back is leaning against the wall.

He realizes this is the first time he’s woken up as himself in a while. The last time would have been… it would have… on that operation table...

“Steven?” Connie has to ask again, because he’s already started spinning out, before he can even say a single word. He exhales, and then breathes in. There’s a blanket over top of him, and he instinctively doesn’t like the feeling. He kicks it off.

“I’m awake,” he says, because he is. That’s all he knows well enough to comment on. He’s got such a headache. Everything feels weird. 

“Sorry,” she says. She sounds very tired herself. There’s a subtle shake to her hand as she touches his shoulder. “Were… you dreaming?”

“Yeah,” he says, wetting his dry mouth. He shifts his position lethargically - he may still be exhausted, but apparently resting for a while has allowed his mind to finally sharpen beyond the blurry haze of everything that’s happened since he joined with himself. It’s only with that cognizance that he can fully grasp just how incoherent his thoughts have been up till now.

“If you want to sleep, you can,” she assures him. “It just… seemed like you were upset.”

“It’s okay,” he says, seeking out her hand with his own. When they join, at his shoulder, the tremours in her are more obvious. “I’m sorry. I hurt you.”

“No,” she says. “You didn’t.”

“I shouldn’t have… I knew fusing might hurt you. I wouldn’t have done it if I hadn’t been…” Broken. Empty. Divided.

“You were breaking apart,” she says, squeezing his fingers despite her apparent frailty. “All I did was try to hold you together for a while.” He’s looking upward enough that he can see her face. There’s still traces of dirt on her skin and clothes from fighting their way out of the crashed spaceship. “It was hurting you, too.”

He doesn’t want to argue. “I know.”

He pulls her hand towards him. Before she can stop him, he’s planted a kiss on her palm. This time, he can feel the energy leave his gem - like its reserves are low enough for him to actually notice the strength it took to do that. This hasn’t happened since the first time he spent thirteen hours kissing patches of toxic dirt.

She shivers, but it’s distinct from her weakened shaking. He can feel some of her strength return, just from the way she holds her body.

“You shouldn’t have done that,” she scolds, softly. “You need to recover, first.”

“You already did so much for me,” he mumbles. Half of him had been convinced he wasn’t worth saving at all. Now, the feelings are more complicated. “Everyone… you…”

He’s thinking back to all of the little moments he’s had over the last few days - moments of offered solace, of hope, of healing, that he’d been fully unable to reciprocate at the time. He remembers his dad singing to a version of himself that barely understood it. He remembers Spinel being torn apart in a desperate bid to get through to him. He remembers Connie staring him down, offering him a gentle hand, even when he threatened to destroy everything around him.

“You all did so much, and I couldn’t even…” He chokes. He feels like such a burden. He was used against everyone he ever cared about. The reptiloids tried to make him into the linchpin that would start a war - he realizes that now. If any of them had been less enduring…

“We did it because of you,” Connie says. “I mean, we did it _for_ you, but also because of you. Everything we did… it was because you taught us that we could. Even the Diamonds - Steven, you convinced a bunch of _tyrants_ to try to stop a war. Even when everything was on the line.”

He looks up at her, and she seems radiant. Even through the fog of tears and exhaustion, he can’t imagine anyone more beautiful.

“I never had to teach you anything,” he says. “You’re amazing.”

“_You’re_ amazing,” she says, holding him close. “But the important thing is for you to rest, now. Everyone’s on your side. They’ll figure it out.”

Steven feels himself smiling for a few precious moments, but then it fades.

“Not _everyone,_” he says. Memories trickle in, filling in context where half of him had been unconscious. No one told him directly, but his gem side had been quick to absorb information. He heard enough from Yellow and Blue to know. 

“You think…” Connie begins, though it’s clear she already knows the answer.

“White Diamond.” His voice wavers. Two years of peace feels like a blur in comparison to the pristine memories of his first major conflict with her, awash in the grays of her head. They are at the forefront of his mind, inescapably. His hand grips around his gem, as if bidding it to stay inside of him - or perhaps, protecting it from without. 

Only two entities have ever torn him apart as brutally and completely as this, and he can’t help but compare them. The idea of seeing her now fills him with a deeply embedded dread.

“Steven… you can let the other Diamonds handle it.” He feels the worried tension in her body grow. “She’ll have to listen to them, now. You’re… You’re back.”

He’s back. For whatever good that is, in the face of a storm like this. He has to think by now - he has to _know_ \- that he isn’t alone. For a moment he just breathes, feeling himself, feeling his thoughts and body and heart. He thinks about the parts of him, and the way they fit together. He looks at his fingers, thinking of the pieces that make them up.

“...I have to go with them,” he says, finally. “If all three of us are together… it’s everything we can do.”

Connie is frowning, but for now she lets it pass. Both of them are tired, and with more yet to do, they need this moment to rest.

“Okay.” She shifts to lay down next to him. “I’ll be there with you, too.” He knows that it’s what everyone will tell him - that he needs to step back, that this brewing war can’t be all of his responsibility. That he can trust them. At least that last part, he believes.

Connie hums to him as they lay together. When he falls asleep again, his dreams are quiet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally some peace and quiet. 
> 
> Steven is going to struggle for a while - this isn't something that can be recovered from easily. But, he's managed to get to the point where that healing can begin. Obviously, with two chapters left, this entire situation isn't going to be neatly wrapped up. The reptiloids are still out there, gem civilization is in flux, and Steven and Connie both need time to sort through all of this.
> 
> But, the goal of this was always to get to that point. There's still a journey ahead, but they are deciding the path to take.


	27. Change

The return to Homeworld is thick with apprehension, and the landing is no different. Though Blue and Yellow Diamond apparently went on this trip off the books, it’s hard to imagine that White hasn’t figured it out by now. Steven wonders if she is still in a place where she will be upset with their insubordination.

He watches through view screens as they descend to the top of the Pink Diamond palace, White Diamond’s architectural image looming like storm clouds across the gap. It won’t be long, he thinks, before they settle this one way or another.

Before they’d landed, but after a long period of rest, he’d manage to get up long enough to speak to Blue and Yellow, however briefly. They were in the control room, being the only space large enough to hold them, with its giant-sized custom seating. He’d asked for more details about White’s mental state. Blue had cast a wary look towards Yellow, mentioning that she had been the one to speak with White in person.

“She was under the impression that she’d made a mistake,” Yellow said, with a flash of genuine discomfort. “That we never should have let you return to Earth… and, perhaps, that our armies never should have been disassembled.”

“We don’t agree with her, Steven!” Blue was quick to add. “Please believe that. She just… thinks all of this is her responsibility. She thinks that if we hadn’t taken those risks, you never would have been hurt.”

“No,” Steven said, stunning himself with his own abruptness. He takes a step forward, but his head swims. “It’s… it was my…” The floor seemed to bend beneath him.

Their responsibility. It was with a feeling of vertigo that Steven found himself relating to that idea. So much had happened. So much had been lost. If he’d been a bit less careless - would they all still be hurting now?

It was at that point that Bismuth had to swoop in and clasp her hands around his shoulders, steadying him. He hadn’t realized he was swooning until he was already swaying on his feet.

“Steven!” both Diamonds had cried, and Blue looked ready to reach out and grab him herself. Bismuth waved them off, sweeping him up into a bridal carry.

“I got him,” she said, as Steven tried to pull himself together. His eyes fluttered, the sounds of the room becoming fuzzy and indistinct.“You’re going back to bed, mister.”

“Please, Steven, look after yourself,” Blue pleaded. “You mean everything - to us, and to the rest of gemkind!”

“Blue, please,” Yellow said, always the one less inclined for overt displays of affection, despite her own apprehension. “You’re only going to exhaust him further.”

Bismuth moved to start taking him away and, surprisingly, Yellow was the one to call after her. 

“Please ensure he’s well,” she said, despite her admonishment to Blue only a moment ago. Bismuth hesitated, but then grinned.

“Sure thing.”

The other Crystal Gems, who had been mostly watching apprehensively during that exchange, began to react. Pearl was the first to rush to their side.

“Bismuth, are you sure we should be allowing this?” Pearl said, speaking as if he wasn’t truly awake - maybe they’d gotten so used to carting his halves around, they’re accustomed to him being a non-presence. “There’s no way that Steven should be facing White Diamond in this state - can’t we just… get lost in space for a while?”

“Yeah, man,” Amethyst said, next to chime in. She arrived at Bismuth’s other side, crossing her arms defensively. “This is bogus. He just got fixed, and now he’s gotta talk to _that_ old witch?”

“That’s not our decision to make,” Bismuth said. Steven tried to say something like ‘it’s fine’ but it came out as in indistinct mumble, and he was otherwise ignored.

“Well, it’s not hers, either!” Amethyst’s tone became sharper and more desperate. Steven could feel conflict brewing, and he wanted desperately to stop it, if only his head would stop spinning.

“I mean that it’s _Steven’s._” Bismuth’s voice finally cracked with her worry, pausing mid-step so that she could face Amethyst more fully. She took a moment to steady herself, and then said again: “Steven’s had people pulling him every which way for weeks. He deserves to be making his own choices-”

“It’s okay,” Steven said more loudly, pushing himself up in Bismuth arms. His heart felt frail and fluttery. “I just need to show her that things are fine. Bismuth... put me down…”

“But it’s _not_ fine!” Amethyst said, and it became clear that something had given away. She was looking at him with a desperation that didn’t often show, reaching forward to grab his arm as if it would keep him close to her. He only saw then that tears were beginning to trail down her face. “We almost lost you, dude.”

Steven stared back at her, but his mind felt frozen. He needed to say something, to do the right thing - maybe if he could prove that he was okay? He looked up at Bismuth. She offered him an apologetic half-smile. “Not until you’ve got something soft to fall on. Last thing you need is to get yourself dented.”

Clearly not getting what she was hoping for from Bismuth, Pearl turned her attention to Garnet, who had been watching quietly up till that point. Pearl rested a hand on her arm, drawing her attention.

“Please, Garnet… tell me that he’ll be okay.”

Garnet arms were crossed around her body uncomfortably, betraying an apprehension that Steven had not often seen. She was hesitant to respond.

“He has… a chance,” Garnet finally admitted. “If anyone can convince her, it’s Steven.”

In the present, the view-port windows displaying their landing finally vanish. With nothing left to do but wait and conserve energy, Steven has spent the last few hours attempting relaxation, and mostly failing. Connie and his dad have been a constant presence, as long as he wishes it, and after their intense exchange in the flight deck, Amethyst joined them as well.

She’s already apologized for her outburst, albeit awkwardly, but the thought hasn’t left Steven’s mind. He can’t help but think of it in terms of what he would have left all of them with if he _had_ just died, or disappeared forever. What would White do, without him to pull her back from the edge?

Upon leaving the ship, they are greeted by a crowd of gem onlookers - the buzz surrounding the state of Homeworld is clearly growing louder. What has White Diamond told them in the meantime? Crystal Gems and Diamonds alike respond defensively, ushering him towards the warp pad in the Pink Diamond palace without allowing the spectators close. Blue and Yellow issue some manner of cagey proclamation to those assembled, but Steven can’t hear it. He’s already been whisked away to the lower floors.

Despite it technically belonging to him, Steven has never spent much time in the palace. It’s filled with complicated memories, and an implication of royalty that never sat well with him. Even with the Diamond Authority a thing of the past, there was a cultural connection that couldn’t be avoided. He’d signed away as much of the palace as was practical to be used for common gem functions, all except for the rooms that had been most personally _hers._

That’s where the group of them linger now, waiting for the go ahead from Yellow and Blue. Many of them remember Steven’s first official trip to Homeworld, and how White had just snatched him away from the rest of the group, dragging him into her presence alone and unprepared. They aren’t willing to let that happen again, and Steven finds himself grateful.

Minutes pass and time becomes indistinct. How long should he expect to wait? He leans against his dad’s side as the Crystal Gems pace the room, murmuring to each other with anxieties that they are trying to keep out of his ears.

He’s so tired. He wishes this could wait, but he knows it can’t. Until he’s seen her, until he knows, he’ll never really be able to rest.

He has to be gently shaken awake when word finally comes. The Diamonds are ready for him.

It’s so familiar, but distinct in notable ways. There’s no fight as they journey towards White’s head, no fantastic battle of giants. There’s only warp pads and quiet hallways as they travel, his friends and family moving in a tightly knit pack around him. It’s only a matter of minutes before they are in White Diamond’s entrance-way, with Yellow and Blue waiting for him. Spinel rests on Yellow’s shoulder, and her troubled glance is poorly concealed.

At first, Yellow and Blue are speaking together in frantic tones, but as they notice him arrive they silence themselves. Blue is the first to speak.

“Steven! We’ve spoken to White.” There is a nervousness in her body language that she is clearly trying to hide. “She… Well, she’s willing to discuss this with us. Together.”

He thinks about asking if White is angry, or if they think she’ll be receptive. There’s a lot of questions he could ask, a lot of impressions they could try to give him, in preparation for this discussion. It doesn’t feel like any of it will matter, though. He can already imagine what White will be like, and no amount of pre-planning will change that.

He’d had pretty strong feelings about what he’d say the first time he ever met her, and all of that was thrown out the window as soon as the meeting happened. He’d been too afraid, too overwhelmed, to even begin.

He can only hope that, despite everything that’s happened, he’s still strong enough to do more than that today.

“Okay,” is all he says, in the end. He moves to join then, with his appointed party at his side - the original trio of Crystal Gems, and Connie. Just like before. He’s already talked to the others, and they’ve had their discussions about contingencies. Bismuth has stated strongly worded intentions for what she’ll do if White gets out of control. If something happens, there are people ready to try to catch them when they fall.

That’s all they can plan for, right now. Steven takes a deep breath. All around him, his family steadies him.

As they arrive in White’s head, the scene is viscerally familiar. The enormous room is cast in shades of grey, with the central figure radiating pure light - White is waiting for them, and her manic expression does not at all match the soberness of the occasion. 

“Steven,” she says, as if he is merely an unexpected guest. “You’ve returned to us!” He steps forward from the crowd, despite the obvious unease of his entourage.

“White,” he says, speaking as boldly as he can manage, through his words fray at the edges. “We need to talk. About… all of this.”

“You mean about this little war we have brewing? Don’t be ridiculous. I would think that this situation has taken enough of a toll on you, already.” She tilts her head, looking him over with an expression that is almost sympathetic. “No, you can leave the rest of this to me. It won’t take long.”

“No!” His voice cracks with desperation as he takes another step forward. “White - I know what that means, and you can’t!”

“Please, White,” Blue says more softly. “You know how important this is to him. He was the one hurt… shouldn’t we allow him to decide what’s just?”

“What’s _just_?” White repeats incredulously. “Oh, no. You yourself have reported to me that he is not the only victim - simply the most important. What do you expect me to do? Ignore the hardship of my fellow gem?” She makes a flippant gesture, placing her hand over her heart. “I thought this was what you wanted from me. Compassion for even the smallest of our kind.”

“Well, yeah, but…” Despite himself, he’s already faltering. There’s so much on the line - so many gems at risk, or maybe already stolen away, in places outside of his reach. Instead of making any of the arguments he’d imagined in his head, he feels himself begin to cry all over again. His voice cracks, the strain breaking him so much faster than he’d expected. “Please. We’re not supposed to do this anymore.”

Yellow Diamond reaches her limit. “I assure you, White, there is no need to take such drastic measures. Can’t you see that you’re upsetting him?” Blue grips her shoulder in solidarity as she speaks. “If you want a defense for our colonies, I will provide it to you! There are many gems still willing to offer their services to us - everything I’ve done thus far has been with gems eager to volunteer themselves to the protection of our kind.”

“The Empire is gone,” Blue says. “Everything has changed. Shouldn’t we change the way we approach our enemies, as well?”

As Steven flounders, dizzily wiping tears from his face, White looks down at him. Her expression seems to have cracked as well, allowing a flash of indecision through the pristine mask. It’s not often that she’s seen him cry. He tries not to show that weakness around them - not since White saw him at his most broken, years before.

“Oh, Steven,” she says, sweeping down her hands to cradle him. He lets her do it, despite the fear in his gut and despite the muffled protest of his family. “What have they done to you?”

He feels so small in her hands. Memories of that fateful day return, and he finds himself grasping his arms around his gem, reflexively protecting it. Yet, she makes no move to restrain his movement, or impede potential escape. He could easily leap away from her, but he doesn’t, transfixed as he meets her eyes and sees the flickers of doubt within. 

In the back of his mind, a bitter part of him thinks: if this is what she needs to see, then he’ll show her.

“They… They want to destroy us,” Steven says, his voice wavering as his shoulders shake. “But we’re stronger than them. We can find a better way.”

“You’re too young to understand,” she cooes, like soothing a child. “We’ve been fighting these beasts for millenia. And now, they’ve almost taken _you_ away from us - our brightest and most shining star.”

“I don’t care,” he says, but she speaks over him.

“Oh, but _I_ care, Steven. I’ve seen all the reports. I know what you’ve been up to.” She pulls him in closer. “Even your gem saw what had to be done. If it hadn’t saved you, where would you be now?”

He feels something rush through him, like his blood’s gotten hot, in his face and in his gut. He can’t hold it in.

“_No!_” he cries, and White flinches back. The sharpness of his voice echoes through the room. He pushes himself up, trying to stand despite the wavering of her hands, and the way he keeps stumbling.

“I screwed up,” he sobs, clutching at his shirt, feeling a pressure inside his chest that he wishes he could tear out. “That… It wasn’t justice. It was a _mistake!_” He’s hoarse, like the scream has torn something in his throat. “My gem half… I didn’t know better, I didn’t think I had other options - but I do now! And so do you!”

White’s eyes widen. He can feel the energy between them. Something is giving way.

“We don’t get to give up,” he says, sinking down to his knees again. “We don’t.”

She looks away from him, as his heart hammers in his chest. He reaches out a hand, as if to touch her, but even from here her face is too far away.

“Every moment spent attempting diplomacy is another moment that our gems are at risk,” White says, finally. “Another moment _you_ are at risk.” A sharpness returns to her expression as she looks back to him, as if in challenge. “If you insist that we pursue these methods… then I must insist you remain on Homeworld with us, until the day this is resolved.”

“White!” Blue pleads, reaching out a hand. Beneath her, Steven can hear his other family reacting, with surprised gasps and growls of discontent. “Please!”

“I can form a defense around Earth,” Yellow interjects. “We were taken by surprise before, but I can assure you, it will not happen again!”

“Nonsense,” White says. “If we are to handle the reptiloid forces gently, we will need all of our forces on the perimeter. If this is what Steven truly believes in… then surely it will be worth a small trip away from that planet of his.”

In the first few moments, he feels like he might throw up. He already feels sick, and the weight of yet another concession bears down on him - but that’s before he manages to think of it for a few moments more. Despite her haughty tone and her challenging air, he realizes… she’s right.

“Fine,” he says, and the rest of the room falls silent. As White Diamond stares down at him, he can see every moment of her shock as it rolls through her system. He can feel it in the air. She’s seeing something she wasn’t expecting to see.

Part of him wants to take it back, knowing what it will mean, but he doesn’t. White’s hands shift beneath him uncertainly, and it takes her a moment to figure out what to say.

“...Then it’s settled,” she says, and the critical edge is gone entirely from her tone. She sounds distant, deep in her own thoughts. “Yellow… Blue… We will need to discuss this further. In the meantime, please find Steven a place to stay until more permanent arrangements can be made.”

White Diamond kneels, lowering Steven gently to the ground. As soon as he arrives, Connie and the Crystal Gems are already waiting, ready to scoop him away from the Diamond’s hold.

“Please ensure he rests and is given the care he needs,” White says, turning away from them all as she stands again. Yellow and Blue cast each other nervous glances, but prepare to do as she asks. Around him, the other gems murmur reassurances - insisting that he doesn’t actually need to do this. He doesn’t need to stay on Homeworld. He can come home. Nothing more need be put on his shoulders.

Yet, deep down, he knows they’re wrong. If an entire empire can change for him, the least he can do is make a change in return. 

Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steven meets with White again... almost on the anniversary of CYM. Almost.
> 
> It would have been nice to miraculously hit that date, but I wanted to take some time with this chapter to try to get it right. It's so weird, having it be the penultimate chapter of this story. Really, the next chapter is just closing type stuff. 
> 
> I hope you guys like this chapter, and aren't too put out by Steven's decision here. Honestly, with the current situation, staying on Homeworld for a while makes a lot of sense, even if it's hard on him. It's a complicated position, and he wants to support the Diamonds making peaceful decisions, and he also doesn't want to encourage the reptiloids to attack Earth again. At least they won't be expecting for him to coordinate any of this. The Diamonds really are prepared to let him rest, as long as it's somewhere safe.
> 
> For those looking for more, I do plan on writing a shorter follow up story to this. It will mostly be a Steven-centric thing, following some of his recovery and the beginnings of the Diamonds attempting to handle the dispute with the reptiloids. It'll be after a bit of a break though, because I need one.
> 
> Still, got one last chapter on this one before then. See you then!


	28. Remembering

It feels weird for it to be over.

Well, it’s not over, really. There are so many things yet unresolved and a war at their doorstep. Yet, it feels like the first resting point - the first place that Steven can finally stop running. The end of a leg in the much longer journey where the adrenaline can begin to fade and the ache can sink in.

It does ache. Physically and emotionally, the wounds radiate a deep and ever-present pain, though less sharply than before. Past events are cast in a clearer view, where the freedom from immediate danger allows him to question everything, picking apart every decision he made, and to ruminate on every one he couldn’t.

Maybe the war will end peacefully. Maybe the Diamond’s grand display of patience will change minds, convincing the reptiloid that there is hope for coexistence that there never was before. Maybe it won’t. Maybe they will simply take a momentary retreat and plan their next attack, throwing more of their own into a quest for revenge that he can only hope will never be sated.

Maybe it will resolve itself tomorrow. Maybe he’ll be here for years, counting the days waiting for a peace that will never come. Something will have to change, he tells himself. He won’t wait forever, even if it means throwing himself back into the ring. He knows that much.

For now, though, he can allow the responsibility to pass from his hands. Yellow and Blue have proven that much. He wants to believe in them, just like he wants to believe that White Diamond will hold true to her word.

Does he believe it? Enough that he can rest his head, for now; enough that he can give them, and himself, some time. 

With the pebbles around, remodelling a new room for him is trivial. He ends up staying somewhere that isn’t the Pink Diamond palace, for reasons both personal and strategic. That was how Yellow phrased it, anyway. She made a point of expounding on the logical benefits to him living elsewhere, explaining that he would be safer somewhere that didn’t broadcast his presence. He likes to think she knew that wasn’t the only reason, though.

Now that they are no longer running, they’ve begun to decide where to settle. Connie stayed with him for as long as she could, but without the force of grim necessity behind her, there are things back home that she has to attend to.

It turns out that her trip into space hadn’t received the full blessing of her parents.

In the past, the Maheswarans had allowed her surprising levels of independence. They let her join him on his trip to speak to White Diamond for the first time, after all, which turned out to be a mission that could have resulted in her death at multiple junctures. It’s different this time, though. The scare of near-fatal poisoning back at the start of everything, the trip to the hospital - the cast the severity of it all in a light that Dr Maheswaran could no longer overlook.

“They didn’t want me to come,” she’d explained a couple hours before she finally had to go. It had been reluctant - like a secret she’d been holding for a long time already. “I told them you were in danger, but… I think that just made them hate the idea even more. If _you_ were in trouble, what was someone like me supposed to do?”

“You did so much, though,” he’d said softly, already beginning to mourn her inevitable absence. If that’s how her parents felt, when would he be able to see her again? 

It _had_ been necessary, as far as he can imagine. What would he have done, as his gem, if she hadn’t arrived to trigger his memories? How would he have understood if she hadn’t been there to join him in fusion? There are so many places he would have felt her absence in ways he can barely even begin to contemplate. 

“I hope so,” she said. 

As arrangements were made for his extended visit, they spent a precious few more hours together. Now, it’s time for her to return home and face the music.

“Are you going to be okay?” Steven asks her as she leaves for the galaxy warp. She looks at him like she can’t believe it, and laughs helplessly.

“Isn’t that my line?” She’s trying to hide it, but he can tell she’s nervous. He knows she was in the same place he was, not long ago.

“I just… I don’t know when I’m going to see you again.” They’re holding hands. Homeworld’s skyline stretched out before them. He doesn’t want to let go. “I don’t want you to be alone.”

He knows he won’t be alone. Even now, the Crystal Gems are discussing arrangements to keep him company, and his dad has stated his intention to move to Homeworld for the indefinite future. Connie, though - if she ends up fighting with her parents, then who will she turn to? How many humans can relate to what she’s seen?

“I won’t be,” she assures him. She runs a hand through his hair, meeting his piteous stare head on. “We’ll figure it out, okay? And I’ll be back to see you, before you even know it.”

For a moment, he feels a pressure in his chest - a pressure of uncertain expectations. Like maybe there’s something she’s hoping for from him, or he’s hoping from her in return. He thinks about kissing her, out of desperation, to lend this moment meaning. Is that what they’d need to make this alright?

The moment fades as she kisses his forehead, and he feels his fragile walls begin to crumble. They embrace and he gasps into her shoulder, tears forming as he wishes it could last forever. In the end, he guesses it lasts as long as it can.

After their final farewells, Garnet is there to lead him back to the shelter of his new home away from home. He’s strong enough to walk for now, but he’s already feeling tired. He wonders how long it will be until he feels normal again.

“Garnet…” He feels the question bubble out of him as they walk. “What… What do you see?”

“You’re concerned about the future,” she observes calmly, though her tone is subtly strained.

“What do you see for me?” he asks. “Is this… Is it ever going to be okay?”

She inclines her face away from him for a moment, her lips pressed together in pensive silence. She must be choosing her answer carefully.

“Steven, you know that the things I see are only possibilities.” He feels his cheeks warm into a flush, knowing it was a foolish question. “Some things… are not okay. Thousands of years ago, after the rest of the Crystal Gems were corrupted… I struggled to imagine that it would ever be okay again. I would always remember their pain and the sacrifice of the friends we lost to shattering.”

He stares at the floor. It’s not necessarily the answer he wanted, but it’s a very _Garnet_ answer, so it should be expected. That is, until she speaks up again.

“...But, _we_ were okay. With time, you can come to terms with what’s lost. You’ve seen it before. You’ve seen it with us.” She offers a cautious smile, so small he can barely see it. “We had almost lost hope that our corrupted friends would ever be healed, and look where they are now.” She puts a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it gently.

Steven looks up at her, and then away again. He smiles faintly.

“Thanks, Garnet.”

When he makes it back to his room, his dad is busy putting away another delivery of Steven’s personal belongings - not _all_ of them, but enough that he could live comfortably in this new space. In particular, he is spreading out his comforter over a bed that matches the size and shape of the one from home.

“Oh, Steven!” he chirps, his comforting tones perhaps coming on a bit strong. “We got your bed set up. Why don’t you give it a try?”

“Sure, dad,” Steven says, reflexively going with the flow at this point. It’s easier than untangling the brambles of his thoughts. He sits on the bed and recognizes a familiar softness.

“The Gems brought your mattress from the house,” Greg says, proudly. “Homeworld still doesn’t seem the best at generating cushions, y’know?”

It’s true, and Steven almost laughs. It comes out as a hapless little chuckle as he sinks into this little reminder of home.

“Thanks for handling all of this for me,” he says. Greg sits down on the bed with him.

“You’ve done enough, kiddo. Leave the rest to us.” He’s smiling, but his brow creases with worry. None of them can keep it from showing completely. “Really.”

Steven decides to accept that as true, at least for the time being. He doesn’t have much choice, either way. It prompts a bigger question, though - what is he meant to do _now?_

With the Diamonds handling the war, at least for the moment, and his family handling his needs, he has the liberty to spend his time how he wants. As long as he stays on Homeworld, anyway. It’s only been a matter of weeks since this all started, yet it feels like it’s been so long since the simplicity of safety or comfort was available to him, he isn’t sure how to indulge in it.

Greg idly chatters about how his own room will be set up nearby, and that he’ll be available to Steven whenever he wants or needs company. He brainstorms ideas for activities they could do together, if he’s feeling up to it, and makes sheepish jokes about the idea of them living in the same ‘house’.

At some point, both of them seem to realize that Steven has completely checked out, curled up on his bed in a daze. Greg takes the cue.

“I’ve still got my guitar,” he says, scrounging it up from the pile of unsorted amenities. “Wanna listen to some tunes?” He sits, but then feels the need to clarify: “We want to get you a stereo and TV set up here, but it’s going to take a bit to make it gel with gem power sources. Think acoustic will do for now?”

Steven opens hazy eyes, smiling a little despite everything. He shifts closer to his dad’s body, allowing their backs to touch - a reminder that he isn’t alone, as he dozes against the comforter.

“Acoustic sounds great.”

As they fall into the rhythm of familiar chords, Steven allows his mind to wander, cautiously opening the gate in his heart that holds a lifetime of difficult emotions inside. He thinks of the recent past, and of two minds, both sharing this moment in different ways. The sound of his dad’s voice to ears that couldn’t remember how to hear it. Familiar arms holding him tight as another version of himself could barely remember how to hold on.

His fingers trace over the surface of his gem, finally where it should be. He feels the warmth of gem light and human skin. He remembers that he is himself, no matter who that ends up being.

He has what’s important, right here, and he’ll keep it close for as long as he can.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we are! At the end of Divided.
> 
> It's almost surreal for it to be over. This has been a pretty big part of my weekly endeavors since September last year, and its the first long form fanfiction I've ever completed. When I started it I really doubted I would be able to follow through, after a history of incomplete projects... but I made it! I'm glad that I managed to make my biggest fanwork for Steven Universe, because it holds such a special place in my heart.
> 
> So, what about the future? I've mentioned this a few times already, but I want to write a follow up piece to Divided. I have the contents roughly planned out, and it will function as a quasi-epilogue piece, that will cover Steven's 17th birthday and the time following it, while he tries to make sense of his trauma and his place on Homeworld. 
> 
> I'm sorry if there were any characters you were hoping he'd get to have more in depth talks with before the end of Divided, but there were about a dozen characters and the idea of giving them all a one on one with him felt exhausting and probably repetitive. However! I'm hoping to give him some more time with other character in this follow-up piece, most importantly Spinel. She retreated a bit in the last few chapters because she really didn't think her presence would help him feel more comfortable, but there are definitely some things they need to talk about once he is feeling more himself. 
> 
> Really, I have tons of ideas where this story and set up could go after Divided. There's a lot left to resolve, and an entire saga's worth of potential content that could happen as a result of this snake people business. But, I don't want to get ahead of myself and promise too much, so for now my main goal is to stick to the epilogue story and go from there. Before that, though, I'm going to be taking a bit of a break.
> 
> In the meantime, I've been working on a tumblr blog called the [SU FaeU](https://sufaeu.tumblr.com), which is like an urban fantasy setting AU where gems are fae, Steven is a faerie prince, and Connie is basically a YA romance protagonist. My next fanfic project will be writing the first part of that, so go check it out if that sounds to your tastes.
> 
> Finally, thank you so much for all the support and all of the great comments you've left for me over the last few months. I value the time you put into writing them, and I'd love to hear you feedback on Divided as a complete story. Thank you for inspiring me to keep going even when it was hard. <3 It was worth it.


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